


The Civilian and the Spectre

by Dr_wpjt



Series: The Trish & Nikki Saga [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, F/F, Idiots in Love, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), Sole Survivor (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 76,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26937190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_wpjt/pseuds/Dr_wpjt
Summary: Commander Nicola "Nikki" Shepard is used to tough missions, classified assignments and dangerous situations. She is NOT used to prothean technology exploding and leaving her with creepy visions.Trish Stewart is used to her partner being away for long tours of duty. She is used to worrying about Nikki's health and wellbeing during missions. She is less used to her idiot's exploits making the news.Fortunately they can get through anything together, and by 'together' they mean several star systems apart.
Relationships: Female Shepard (Mass Effect)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Trish & Nikki Saga [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845190
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	1. Eden Prime

"I've not got long, we'll be hitting the mass relay soon." Shepard let her body relax, leaning slightly against the back of a chair as she stood with arms folded in the comm room. Somehow she'd managed to get away with wearing the more comfortable and practical basic uniform rather than the formal dress blues that every other officer onboard seemed to currently be sporting. 

The hologram of her partner flickered slightly but there was no lag as they managed to hold a realtime conversation across multiple star systems. 

"It's a beautiful ship Trish, I'm just not sure what I'm doing on it."

"Come on  _ Commander, _ you deserve it."

" **_Deserve_ ** more paperwork? Yeah, great. I swear, if this is your uncle's idea of nudging me into a non-combat role I'll-"

"Relax. You're far too good at your job for that. No matter how much I'd prefer it if you were safe."

"Trish..."

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry Nikki, I shouldn't have said..." She was interrupted by a clock alarm in the background and she held back a groan. "I've got to get to work."

"Ok. We're going to be comms dark for a few days, nothing serious, just fully testing the new systems. I'll message when I can. Love you babe."

"Love you too sweetheart. Take care of yourself."

"Always." Shepard left the comm room with a spring in her step. Even after all these years the sight of Trish, even just in holographic form, always brightened her day. 

She acknowledged the nods and salutes of the crew as she made her way through the CIC to the cockpit, noting Nihlus standing in her target spot and stopping just behind him. If she wasn't entirely sure what she was doing on the ship that went double for the turian spectre.

"Approach corridor locked in." The pilot updated. "Relay is hot. We're a go." 

Shepard felt the strange sensation inside her that she always felt during a relay jump. Everybody who experienced it described it in a different way but the closest thing that what she felt reminded her of was a sudden stop in a too fast elevator, only sideways.

The stars changed in the blink of an eye as they were instantaneously transported to another part of the galaxy but she had barely two seconds to take in the new sky before they were accelerating again, the whole visible spectrum blue shifting before them as they returned to FTL speeds.

It was a magnificent sight and one so few people got to see. Unless you were on a ship with an observation lounge or had a job where you were allowed in the cockpit, most other ranks would never get the chance to witness it.

Barging in to use the window if she wasn't on duty during a jump was one of the few abuses of her rank she allowed herself, ever since first experiencing it two years ago. Somehow the novelty still hadn't worn off.

"Alright, next relay is in three hours so unless you've got a reason to be here..." Nikki smiled at the flight lieutenant's attempt to clear the room without blatantly giving his superiors an order.

"See you in three hours Joker." She turned on her heel, noticing as she did how the spectre followed her. She wasn't in the mood for his games so when she reached the CIC she stepped up to the galaxy map where Anderson was proudly surveying his new domain, throwing him a crisp salute.

"Sir." 

Out the corner of her eye she continued to watch Nihlus who, without a handy excuse to stop anywhere in the CIC, had to keep walking. The slightest quirk to the captain's lips told her he'd cottoned on to what she was doing.

"Come to give a status report on the cockpit Commander?"

"Aye Sir. View from the window confirms the fancy tech isn't lying, we really have blue-shifted and Joker hasn't broken anything yet, neither the ship nor himself."

"Very good. Carry on."

"One more thing Sir, is there a reason Nihlus is shadowing me?" 

Anderson had been hoping she wouldn't ask about that, he didn't like hiding things from her but he had his orders. He wouldn't insult her by denying it or calling her paranoid though.

"Sorry Shepard, all information regarding the spectre's presence onboard is classified on a need to know basis." 

If it had been Rizzi in front of him she'd probably say something along the lines of: 'but I'm an N7, I  _ need _ to know.' Malhotra would have just nodded with a brisk: 'understood'. Kai Leng would probably have tried to threaten the information out of him, but then Leng was always a loose canon. Nobody at the villa mourned when he was kicked out the service.

Instead the brass had chosen Shepard to be here and she gave a carefree shrug as she leant back against the rail, her lips morphing into that damn smirk of hers.

"Classified, riiiight. Are we talking twenty questions classified or I've got to go apply my villa skills to your computer classified?" 

They both knew she wasn't usually so casual with ship-side superiors but years of having each other's backs on ground missions had established a bond that overcame 'little things' like regs and the chain of command. She never questioned orders and was professional in front of others, so he tended to let it slide. Mainly because most the time he enjoyed their banter. 

He shook his head, focusing on keeping his lips under control and managing to force something that hopefully looked like a glare on his face.

"Don't you have something else to be doing Commander?"

"Not really. I'm off duty, you've got the deck, nobody's shooting at me and  _ someone _ forgot to pack a Mako for me to tinker with. I'm not fussy you know, I would have accepted a Grizzly. 'Loves long hikes in the countryside' sounds great on a dating profile but looses its charm when you're under fire." 

He couldn't hold back the laugh at that, startling a few people nearby, including Lieutenant Alenko who must have been within hearing distance of the previous remark as he made his way towards the cockpit.

"Sorry Shepard, I know you like your toys but we need the space in the cargo hold." He noticed his slip up at the same time he noticed the change in her grin from teasing to victorious.

"So we're picking something up. What's the payload Captain?"

"I can't answer that question." 

Her smile switched to positively evil upon hearing the staple villa response to interrogation and she moved closer, lowering her voice so only he could hear as she recited:

"Boots-boots-boots-boots, movin' up and down again."

"I'll move my boot up your arse if you're not careful Shepard."

"Seven, six, eleven-"

"One more word and I'll pump that foul poem into your sleeping pod speakers all night, every night for the duration of this posting." 

She chuckled, holding her hands up in surrender and taking a half step back. They'd both had more than enough exposure to Rudyard Kipling's blasted Boots poem during SERE training at the villa.

"I'm good thanks."

Nikki's attention was drawn to noise behind her and she half turned to see the doctor had finally succeeded in tracking down the youngest member of the ground team, only to be cornered in turn and subjected to incessant questioning. 

"Please tell me I was never that young Sir."

"Only if you tell me the same."

"You? Hell Anderson, you were old when Jesus was a lance corporal."

"I walked straight into that one. Go, dismissed, find someone else to bug. I've got a ship to run." 

This time her salute reeked of cheeky mockery instead of crisp professionalism as she turned to leave. He knew a few officers who would have cried insubordination at that but he just shook his head with a smile.

...

Three hours later she was strictly professional as they briefed her in the comm room. The only thing that could even potentially be interpreted as cheeky being the glib, 'I already figured that out' when the turian informed her their mission was more than a simple shakedown run.

Anderson thought she took the news of her testing for potential Spectrehood in stride, but it was hard to be sure, her face remaining completely neutral with no more emotion than if he told her to storm a bunker or infiltrate an enemy stronghold. 

He didn't see her reaction when Joker forwarded the distress call, too busy focusing on the video himself, but an independent observer might have noticed how completely they mirrored each other. Eyes narrowing in concentration, scrutinizing every millimeter of the screen for details. Eyebrows raising and frowns furrowing at the exact same moments.

The video was awful, shaking so much as to be indecipherable. Chaos and confusion was rampant as marines fought and died, but without ever getting a glimpse on camera of who was firing at them.

"Joker, reverse and hold at thirty-eight point five." Anderson ordered just as Shepard opened her mouth intending to request that they rewind a couple of seconds. 

The monstrous ship revealed on screen was like nothing any of them had ever seen before, the three spec ops soldiers sharing a silent glance as the possibility of a first contact scenario crossed their minds. 

The other alternative, that one of the existing galactic powers had managed to build something this big and completely different from all existing ship designs without even a rumour leaking was just as bad. 

"Commander, grab Jenkins and Alenko and suit up. Nihlus, we'll meet you in the cargo hold. This mission just got a lot more complicated."

...

Shepard snapped the last of her colossus armour into place, the traditional N7 paint job of black with red and white stripe distracting the casual viewer from the fact it wasn't standard issue. Most villa graduates preferred to buy their own weapons and armour rather than rely on the rubbish the Alliance provided, but few could afford anything as impressive as what she was wearing. 

While all decisions concerning Trish's career had always been left up to the civilian, there was no denying that Nikki had benefited greatly from her girlfriend's ongoing employment by Kassa Fabrication.

Despite being light armour, the colossus had better shields and damage protection than even the most advanced models of heavy armour that Aldrin Labs supplied the Alliance with. 

Of course she could have had even more protection if she went for a medium or heavyweight version, but the lightness meant she could stock up on an abundance of weapons and extra kit and still march all day without feeling over encumbered.

It had become a running joke of Anderson's that she had a gun for every occasion.

"The mission's yours now Shepard." The man in question stated as Nihlus exited the ship alone at drop point one. 

She nodded, physically and mentally prepared as much as humanly possible for the mission ahead. Which admittedly was nowhere near as prepared as normal considering there was absolutely zero intel to plan with. 

Still, while she preferred to have a solid plan with multiple contingencies ready to deal with as many variables as possible, she had more than enough experience of just winging it on missions as well.

She just couldn't help herself as Joker brought the ship in to hover over the second LZ though, a hand going to Anderson's shoulder as she leant in to shout above the noise: "Hey, Sir! That looks like a perfect spot for a mako drop!"

The captain shook his head with a wry smile as he yelled back: "Get out before I throw you out."

The short jump down to the ground was more than enough to become fully professional once more, the team kneeling down in a tactical formation and sweeping the surroundings to check for hostiles as the ship lifted off from their position. Jenkins' earlier lust for 'some real action' fading when faced with the prospect of finding it on his home planet.

They were several klicks out from the dig site and moved out at a steady pace with the corporal on point. Sticking close to cover and taking extra care rounding corners but it didn't do any good. 

The adrenaline that had been flowing through her veins in anticipation spiked when Jenkins suddenly went down with no warning. 

Quick pulses of light and his death scream the first signs of the two drones that had appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

A distant corner of her brain noted their presence hadn't appeared on her HUD, that they were like nothing she'd ever seen before, and they seemed to utilise some kind of pulse weapon technology. 

However none of that got in the way of her main focus, laying down fire with her assault rifle until they disintegrated into multiple little non-hostile pieces.

She ceased firing but remained crouched and alert for what seemed like eternity to Alenko before she signaled the all clear and he rushed to Jenkins' side. 

It was obvious even before he reached the marine that he was too late. 

He looked up to find Shepard had moved to a new position but was still scanning their surroundings, covering him as he closed the eyes of his fallen comrade.

"Ripped right through his shields. He didn't stand a chance."

The commander nodded an acknowledgment of his words, having already made the same assessment. 

She'd mourn later but right now she was still on mission so she compartmentalized. 

It was yet another skill she'd had plenty of practice at.

"Mark the navpoint, we'll come back for him later. Right now we need to focus on getting that beacon."

...

They'd destroyed several more of the drones and were nearing their target location when they finally heard signs of life and resistance; the familiar staccato of a standard issue kessler pistol. 

They crested the hill in time to see a soldier clad in white and pink phoenix armour destroy one of the drones then keep running, pulling herself behind the cover of a rock formation as she gasped for breath, being followed by something new. 

Shepard quickly switched weapons to her sniper rifle, dropping prone and aiming center mass while the biotic started hurrying down the hill to assist the unknown woman.

The commander's first shot knocked one of the robots over, a hole ripped clean through it's chassis but it remained functional, trying to claw itself back to its feet. 

With no knowledge of the bipedal machine's...  _ is it still anatomy if it's not organic? Whatever _ ... Shepard didn't want to risk overheating her rifle while failing to discern its weak spot so she switched aim to the second synthetic, disabling it with a similar shot so the others would be able to rain hell upon both targets without having to worry about incoming fire. 

She added a few more shots of her own and once both hostiles were thoroughly incapacitated she made her way down the hill to rejoin the others. Seamlessly switching back to her assault rifle on the move. 

The other woman's eyes widened slightly at the N7 on her armour, stiffening to attention but thankfully not issuing a sniper check salute in the middle of a combat zone.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge here ma'am?" 

She nodded an affirmative, catching Kaidan's signal that the chief was free of serious wounds out the corner of her eye and signaling him to keep watch as she pulled the chief down behind the rocks to continue their conversation in comparative safety.

"Commander Shepard. What's the situation Williams?"

"We were patrolling the perimeter when the attack hit. We tried to double back to the beacon but were caught in an ambush. I've been fighting for my life ever since."

"So far we've only seen the drones and those two, have you seen anything else? Any organics with them?"

The chief shook her head.

"No ma'am, I think... I think they might be geth." 

That was a surprise, although thinking about it she supposed she could kind of see the quarian-iness of the bipeds' design. 

For a brief moment Nikki regretted not paying better attention in history at school, but she quickly dismissed the thought when she realised it was highly unlikely Mrs Lewis covered where to shoot a geth to ensure maximum damage in her classes anyway. 

Her Alliance instructors had also failed to impart such potentially useful information. It probably had something to do with the fact that:

"The geth haven't been seen outside the Perseus Veil in over two centuries." As Kaidan reliably informed her.

"Doesn't matter, they're here now. Let's concentrate on stopping them taking the beacon. Williams I could use a third, you game?" 

The chief nodded and they set out once more, all desperately pretending they couldn't see the spikes the geth had used to impale the colonists in what they assumed must be some kind of sick psychological warfare.

...

The dig site had been empty, the spikes turned out to have a far more horrifying purpose than simply twisted decoration, and the handful of survivors pointed them in the direction of the spaceport. 

Which was how they ended up looking down at a set of phantom armour lying in a puddle of blue blood.

"Well... shit..." Was all Shepard could think to say as she noted the single gunshot to the head from close quarters. 

The wound was wrong for a sniper rifle and there was no way a geth unit could have got that close to the spectre without being detected.

Her suspicions were validated a moment later by a nearby dockworker who only narrowly managed to avoid being shot by the marines as he revealed himself and claimed another turian, Saren, was responsible for the murder. 

Shepard knew the name of course. 

At times it felt like half the turians she'd met in Blackwatch seemed to revere him and want to be just like him. 

The way they told it he was like the ultimate blend of Rambo, Batman, Riddick and the Terminator. Although they claimed not to understand any of the humans' cultural references.

She marked the dead spectre's position on her nav and updated Anderson on the situation before forging ahead once more. 

The giant claw-like ship raising to the air made her worry that they were too late, but the fact there were still geth opposition present made her feel there was something they were still protecting. 

Something worth pushing forwards for. 

She found that something on the other end of the train tracks. 

Something she hadn't seen since her villa training days and she swore out loud once again.

Nuclear warheads attached to an explosive charge. Each one enough to blow up an entire city block and on a timer. Completely illegal in Council space of course. Saren had been kind enough to leave her four of them, along with multiple geth platforms including a sniper and a couple with heavy weapons.

_ And I didn't even get him a card _ . 

It was a miracle the three of them were still standing at the end of it and needless to say the commander's sweat wasn't just from the running around.

She was operating on fumes by the time she found the beacon, but she didn't let that prevent her from searching the rest of the docks before radioing the Normandy that the objective was secure. 

Green light suddenly appeared and she turned to find the lieutenant being dragged towards the beacon. 

She didn't know what was happening, didn't waste time trying to figure it out or think about what she was doing. 

All she knew was she'd lost enough people today and she sure as hell wasn't losing anybody else. She ran towards him and jumped, intending to use her momentum to push him out the way.

It half worked.

Kaidan went sprawling away onto the deck but now she was caught in the beam, pulled closer and closer. 

Her head reeled in agony, as if her skull was being crushed together in a vice and being ripped apart by a claw hammer at the same time. 

Visions streamed through her head on fast-forward. 

Technically she was still conscious, but she was completely unaware of the beacon exploding, launching her across the air and landing heavily on the ground a short distance away where she finally, mercifully, passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anybody wanted some clarification about Shepard's class in this, I'm cheating slightly and going with the Andromeda power system where you can put points into anything regardless of specialty. She is not, and never will be, a biotic but she is trained to reasonable proficiency in all weapon types including offensive and defensive use of an omni-tool. (Top 5 in her class for pretty much everything but the only thing she was actually no.1 at was the driving courses and possibly bomb disposal. Yeah there are better Alliance snipers out there, better close quarter specialists and people better with electronics, but they all tend to have a significant weakness in some other area. She's the best all rounder).
> 
> Also it really bugged me how they even have a line of dialogue in the game from Ashley saying 'every marine a rifleman, every rifleman zee-gee certified' and then proceeded to make the badass N7 unable to use an assault rifle if you chose the wrong class. So yeah, EVERY member of the alliance can use assault rifles including Kaidan (I know he can in ME3 but not ME1). Ashley uses BOTH sniper rifles and shotguns as well as her assault rifle and everybody else will use the weapons they're assigned in ME3. If a squadmate has an ability in an early game and then loses it in a later game then they get to keep it if necessary for the purpose of this story. 
> 
> As for equipment and talents, Nikki's been an N7 for years, she has plenty of both. Think of it like playing New Game+ except so long after your original playthrough that you can't remember what's going to happen next, but you've got a vague premonition it's about to go to shit.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas! I think she's waking up." 

Nikki was already regretting the action under discussion, her head throbbing from the moment she regained consciousness. 

At least the voice let her know where she was and she slowly and cautiously sat up, swinging her legs to the side of the bed, as the familiar sight of a medical officer's uniform came into view.

"You had us worried there Shepard. How are you feeling?"

"Ever hear that phrase: ten pounds of shit stuffed into a five pound bag? I got the hangover from hell and I don't remember drinking." 

There was a chuckle, though she wasn't sure who's it was. 

"How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon, I think."

"It's my fault. I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way." Her brain finally ID'd Lieutenant Alenko and she risked turning her head to look over her shoulder and answer him.

"Not your fault, you had no way to know what would happen. Although maybe it's time the Alliance considered making 'stay away from strange glowing objects unless you've been trained in them' a standard operating procedure."

"Actually, we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never get the chance to find out." The doctor put in, always one to resort to facts. Shepard's feeling of being out the loop must have shown on her face because the lieutenant gave a brief update on events since she passed out. Nikki barely had time to thank him for carrying her back to the ship when Chakwas interrupted once more.

"Kaiden, can you go let the captain know she's awake please." 

THAT certainly caught her attention and she gingerly twisted her head back round to fully focus on the doc as the lieutenant left the room.

"Getting rid of the subordinates when there's a perfectly good comms unit on the ship? How bad are we talking doc?"

"Physically you're fine, but I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming..." Chakwas trailed off and Shepard suddenly realised where she was heading. 

_ Ah, right _ . She gave a non-committal grunt.

"I saw... I'm not sure what I saw... It wasn't one of mine though doc. I always know what's happening in mine, recognise what I'm facing, even if I can't stop it. This? I couldn't identify any of it. I mean sure there was a pretty strong sense of death and destruction but beyond that..."

"Hmm, I better add this to my report. It may- Oh, Captain Anderson." They both turned at the quiet swish of the door opening.

"How's our XO holding up?" He was probably asking the doctor but Nikki answered anyway.

"I'll live... Assuming Trish doesn't kill me if she finds out."

"Don't you mean when?"

"Shh, let me have a couple minutes of denial please Sir." 

Doctor Chakwas hid a smile as she recognised their familiar little routine. It was certainly better than the last time she had the two N7s together in her med bay; Shepard berating the 'stubborn bastard', telling him if he didn't want to see the doc he should have made sure he could walk back to the ship on his own instead of her having to carry him. 

The elder's instructions to drop him off: "in the mess, or the showers, or anywhere else, I'm fine" being rebuffed with a: "sorry Sir, I'm choosing to ignore that order on account of you being delirious from blood loss."

While she would be quite content to not have to see either of them in a professional capacity, the doctor had to admit that (wisecracks aside) the youngster tended to be the more cooperative patient of the two.

While everybody left in the room technically had  _ some _ medical training, the captain still looked across at Karin for a second, more qualified, opinion.

"All the readings look normal. I'd say the commander's going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Can I speak with her in private?" 

The doctor nodded and headed out to get a cup of tea in the mess, the tone in the room changing as soon as she left.

"Did you manage to retrieve Jenkins?"

"Yes. Nihlus too. I've informed next of kin and taken care of the paperwork." 

Shepard nodded, unsure whether she was grateful or not. Letters of condolence were one of the hardest parts of her job, but then again she deserved the penance for failing to bring everyone home in the first place. She sighed, massaging her head on the sides.

"I never should have stuck him on point."

"That's bull." Anderson's voice instantly hardened as he cut off her pity party. "It wasn't your fault and you know it. Jenkins was a trained recon specialist, he had local knowledge and the mission was time sensitive. Point was exactly where he should have been. I've read Alenko's report, I'd have done the same damn thing." 

Nikki perked up a bit at that before frowning as she noticed the wording.

"Read? I would have thought you'd have watched back the helmet cam footage as well by now?"

"Nothing but static. I don't know if it was some kind of geth jamming technology or it was electronically wiped when the beacon overloaded... I've got a couple of tech's looking at it to see if we can recover anything but so far zilch. I won't lie to you Shepard. Things look bad. Nihlus is dead, the beacon was destroyed and geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers."

"And if we give them the truth then we're accusing their top agent of going rogue without proof." The commander quickly cottoned on. "Shit, Council's not going to like this. Neither will the Hierarchy. Hell, half of Blackwatch would be willing to duel for Saren's honour, he's a living legend to them."

"Exactly. I know he's had it out for humanity since First Contact and I'd be the first to condemn a lot of his tactics, but an overt attack on a colony? Allying himself with the geth? That's extreme behaviour even for him. It just doesn't make sense. All I know is it had something to do with that beacon. You were there just before it self-destructed. Did you see anything? Any clue that might tell us what Saren was after?"

Nikki glanced at the floor.

"Just before I lost consciousness, I had some kind of... Shit, I really wish I could think of a better word for it but... vision." She looked back up to find Anderson pacing in thought.

"A vision? A vision of what?"

"Not sure. It was about as clear as that distress call we picked up in orbit, but I think I saw synthetics slaughtering organics. Butchering them."

"Synthetics? The geth?" 

Shepard merely shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe, but they weren't like the platforms we faced on Eden Prime. I didn't recognise the organics they were fighting either. Four eyes, but not batarians. The head shape was all wrong to be them."

"We need to report this to the council Shepard."

"And tell them what exactly? I had a bad dream? You know how they'll interpret that!"

"Sorry Shepard, I already contacted the ambassador to try and get us an audience with the council based on the rest of the team's mission reports. We don't know what information was stored on that beacon. Lost prothean technology? Blueprints for some ancient weapon of mass destruction? Whatever it was Saren took it. He has the secrets from the beacon and an army of geth at his command. We've got to warn them." 

Nikki nodded resignedly. 

"The ambassador will want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel. Full dress blues Commander."

...

Their journey from the docks to the Ambassador's office was largely conducted in silence. For some reason the captain had insisted the entire ground team be present and Chief Williams was feeling rather out of place. 

Not just because she was in the heart of alien (galactic) civilization. There was also the fact that she was the only enlisted marine present, walking beside three officers, two of them N7s, one of them a living legend and the other a rising star and potential spectre candidate. 

If all that wasn't enough then there was the fact that everybody else was wearing dress blues and she was in standard uniform. Sure she had a good excuse, there wasn't time to collect her belongings during their departure from Eden Prime, but it still left her feeling substandard to the soldiers around her.

Eventually they entered the last elevator on their route, she found it strange that Citadel elevators broadcast the news, although the current report wasn't particularly interesting and she ended up zoning it out pretty easily as they went up and up and up. She was brought back to the present by the captain finally speaking.

"How's your head Shepard?"

"Manageable, thank you Sir."

"Really? Only I heard you tried to convince Chakwas to confine you to medbay for a further twelve hours." 

There was a self deprecating chuckle from the commander.

"She saw right through that one Sir. Told me I wasn't getting out of dealing with the politicos that easily and she'd either confine me for two weeks or not at all."

"I'm not sure whether I should be more upset that you-" He cut off suddenly without warning and in the elevator's reflection Ashley saw both N7s eyes flick towards the ceiling. "I swear we never had this much trouble with the press during First Contact."

"So much for the 24 hour embargo after notifying next of kin." Shepard remarked bitterly. It was only then that Ash realised the news had switched to a report on Eden Prime and how the geth had wiped out the Alliance's planetary defense force. The commander turned to face her.

"Williams, I don't know what you were doing while I was out cold but if you've not told your family you're ok yet I suggest you do it. They hear that they're going to worry themselves an ulcer."

{The colony itself was saved by a rapid response team from the SSV Normandy who was in the area on a shakedown run.} The report continued. {Although even they were unable to escape without casualties} 

There was a quiet but vehement curse.

"You too Alenko." 

The only person who didn't pull up their omni-tool was Anderson. However the doors opened before Ashley could think what to write and they marched out, Shepard the only one who actually sent anything in time. Mainly because she already knew what to type.

[5x5 - N]

It was short but she knew Trish would understand. Both the message and its brevity. She also knew she'd have to send a better message later, but it would be enough to stop her partner worrying.

...

"Well that was a waste of time." The commander opined as they reentered the elevator after the meeting, Captain Anderson having already left with the ambassador.

"At least they're conducting an investigation, that has to mean something right?" Kaiden enquired optimistically.

"Yeah right! That's the worst attempt at a token gesture I've seen in years. Two days to conduct an investigation on the actions of a spectre? I bet even what he had for breakfast is classified. No, the whole thing's a farce and we get front row seats." 

The lieutenant looked like he was going to protest but Ashley silently agreed.

She didn't say anything though, still wary of drawing too much attention to herself for fear of the officers realising she didn't just have the surname Williams but actually was _A_ **_'Williams'_** too. 

She couldn't help but speak up when they left the elevator though. It may be her first time on the Citadel but even so she'd already noticed a few details.

"Uh, ma'am? Where are we going? The Council tower's that way."

"I have often been informed that I'm a one woman army Chief, and an army marches on its stomach. It  **_also_ ** happens that I know where to find a salarian with a deep fat fryer who does things even the Scots never thought of." 

Ash was too shocked at the audacity of the first statement to even worry about the idea of an alien making her food. She'd think the woman conceited if she hadn't already seen the N7 in action. She shared a glance with Lieutenant Alenko, the man shrugging, equally bemused. The commander just laughed. 

"Relax, we've got a few more hours before the hearing, I'll make sure we're not late."

...

Turns out not even N7s were infallible. 

The hearing was already underway by the time they finished climbing all the stairs, although that might have been slightly due to Shepard stopping to talk to the turian in charge of the C-Sec investigation. She was however spot on with her prediction of the result, the Council dismissing their claims with ease.

Shepard seemed far more irritated when Udina tried to blame Anderson for the case being thrown out than when he'd been accusing her of screwing up her spectre candidacy, but they finally managed to bring the conversation round to what they were going to do next. 

One thing led to another and now, somehow, they were crouched behind a wall outside Chora's Den. Under fire from a couple of would-be turian assassins.

Kaiden activated his biotic barrier as soon as the shooting started. They hadn't been allowed weapons or armour on the Presidium and hadn't even thought to suit up when hitting the Wards. Of course as a biotic he was never entirely helpless but he was all too aware that the two women he was with were defenseless.

He glanced to his right to check that they were both alright and in cover and saw the commander crouched with her back to the wall, fiddling with her omni-tool. She was suddenly covered by an orange light that shaped around her, not form fittingly so but bulky looking, reminding him of football shoulder-pad armour back home.

It was like nothing he'd ever seen before and as she raised up slightly to send an overload towards their adversaries he hastily amended his earlier thought:  _ the  _ **_Gunnery Chief_ ** _ was defenseless. _

"Williams stay down and keep an eye on our rear, let us know if anything comes up behind us. Alenko start wearing their shields down with overloads. How good's your stasis?"

"Not great ma'am." He admitted, guessing her plan. "I certainly couldn't hold both of them and only hold one for a couple of seconds. I could throw one and lift the other? I can hold a lift for about twenty, thirty seconds."

"Which is it Lieutenant? Twenty or thirty?" She asked sending out another tech attack with her omni-tool before crawling prone across the floor towards the right so the enemy couldn't see her movements.

"Consistently, twenty-six." He didn't make out the words of her grunted response but another quick glance was enough to see her raise to a crouch, still carefully staying below the wall as she assumed the stance of a sprinter in the starting blocks.

"Whenever you're ready Alenko." 

He launched a throw powerful enough to knock his opponent against the wall, but making sure he had enough energy in reserve to hold the lift as Shepard sprinted towards the enemy position.

The first turian was already dragging himself to his feet as she charged into him, omni-blade flashing as the momentum crashed them both back to the floor. 

The second was struggling against the dark energy surrounding him, the difference between a stasis and lift highlighted as he managed to flail enough to point his shotgun in the right direction.

"Commander!" The biotic's warning came too late. 

The first shot was stopped by the strange orange protection she wore. The second significantly slowed but able to penetrate to the unarmored body beneath. The third, fourth and fifth plowed into the now defenseless body of the turian that the N7 rolled between her and the incoming fire. 

There was no sixth shot as the weapon overheated and Shepard reached round to unholster her former adversary's pistol, firing up into the floating figure.

She stopped shooting as soon as they were dead, and Kaiden dropped the remains to the floor. 

He just had enough presence of mind to check for any further targets before hurrying over to assess the damage to his leader. By the time he got there she had already activated comms.

"Anderson, watch yourself, we just got hit... Unknown, two turians, barefaced. They were well armed but shit discipline, if they'd just held fire another 30 seconds we wouldn't have had cover to get too... Well I've got me some guns now, but I certainly wouldn't mind my armour... Aye, aye Sir, you too. Shepard out."

As soon as the call ended she handed out the deceased's weapons to her squad. Giving both of them assault rifles, Ashley one of the shotguns and Kaiden a pistol. Keeping the other shotgun and pistol for herself. 

They weren't as nice as her own armory but they were clearly much higher quality weapons than the other two marines were used to. 

Ash certainly perked up once she had a gun in her hands, while she could still be killed it was nice to now have a way to fight back. 

Thinking about their still lacking defense reminded the biotic of the light and he just had to ask about it.

"Prototype technology. Still very hush hush." Came the response. "I was supposed to be field-testing it in conjunction with my armour but when the shooting started I thought: hey, what's the worst that can happen?"

"How does it work?" Alenko couldn't help asking. As soon as the words left his mouth he remembered himself and expected to receive some kind of reprimand about it being classified, but instead the commander simply looked bemused.

"Uh... I press some buttons?" 

Kaiden looked flabbergasted at the idea she didn't know what she was playing with while Ashley laughed. 

"Come on, let's find Harkin."

...

Harkin pointed them in the direction of Dr Michel's med clinic and after a brief pit stop to armour up they were on their way. They walked in to find a decidedly testy situation: five armed humans threatening the doctor to stay quiet while a C-Sec officer crept along a small divide.

Their entry immediately made things worse, one of the men pulling the doctor and turning her into a human shield, the turian popped up in a flanking position, putting a clean shot through the hostage-taker's head and from there it was a much simpler shoot out.

It didn't take long for all the opposition to hit the floor, although one of them was screaming far too loudly to be dead. 

Shepard conducted a brief Q&A session with Garrus, the doctor and the injured man all involved in giving answers before the turian offered his services against Saren explaining:

"He's a traitor to my species and needs to be stopped."

"Well, well and there was me thinking you were a bad turian the way you ignored the order to stop investigating." Shepard grinned and it only grew when he tried protesting. "Relax Garrus, I know plenty of 'bad turians', Blackwatch is filled with them. Good people. In fact, with that headshot earlier, I'm surprised you're not with them." 

She noticed how he straightened slightly, standing taller at the compliment of his skill. Looking around, she also saw how Kaiden seemed to be fading from having to push his biotics so hard earlier and made a decision.

"Alright, Alenko stay here and guard our little songbird. I'll talk to Anderson, get him to send a couple of marines down to escort him to the brig incase we need his testimony later. No offense to C-Sec, Officer Vakarian, but my last witness on this case mysteriously vanished." 

To his credit the turian didn't protest, simply nodding silently. Her omni-tool interrupted any further orders and she muttered a brief: "Speak of the devil," before answering.

"Shepard, I've been speaking with our old friend Barla, turns out Saren's managed to piss off the Broker and one of his agent's has been helping him. Nightclub owner, name of Fist."

"Yeah I just found out about Fist myself, was about to head over."

"Be quick about it. The Broker's sending a krogan bounty hunter to take him out. Urdnot Wrex, red armour, clawed face, can't miss him. He's being questioned by C-Sec at the moment so you can get a head start but that situation won't last long." 

Shepard was sure she recognised the name from somewhere but she didn't dwell on it, signaling for Williams and Vakarian to follow her as she started heading back to Chora's Den, even as she continued talking with Anderson.

...

Their second visit was vastly different from their first. The club's loud, pumping music and sensuous dancing was replaced with the pumping of shotguns and a dance of death. 

At least the civilians had all cleared out, it would have been a massacre if they'd been caught in the crossfire.

Eventually they reached Fist himself, the hardman crumbling as soon as his twin assault turrets fizzled out under a barrage of overloads. He not only surrendered but confessed everything with minimal prodding.

"You bastard. Where's the meeting?" Shepard fumed when she heard he'd sent the young quarian into a trap. His answer wasn't good enough for her and she pointed her pistol at him threateningly. "The markets are pretty fucking big Fist, give me the navpoint." 

He complied and she lowered her weapon.

"Let's go!" Before she could turn a shotgun blast rang out, smattering Fist against the wall. The squad instantly spun, two assault rifles and a pistol coming to rest on the krogan standing nonchalantly by the door.

_ Wrex I presume _ . Shepard made a mental note to train her new squad to always have one person turn around and watch their six when she was talking to someone.

She had become so used to it being automatic behaviour with her old team that she'd forgotten to issue the order. She needed to remember that these guys were new to her command and not make assumptions.

"What? I waited until you got your information." The krogan rumbled, noting casually that while the two with assault rifles were aiming rather pointlessly at centre mass, the human in the middle with the pistol was actually aiming somewhere that would hurt his species.

She was also looking extremely pissed.

He was willing to bet she was responsible for the dead krogan bouncer he'd passed on the way in. 

In fact, considering the death toll outside, he'd been rather surprised to find just two humans and a turian responsible for it all. 

It was rather impressive. 

He took a step away from the door to give them room to pass. 

"Don't you have a quarian to save? Tick, tock, tick, tock."

The lead human actually growled and he got the impression he'd done something to seriously offend her. Although whether it was an insult to her specie's culture or her personal morals he didn't know. Other than their fight against the turians he hadn't paid much attention to the latest squishies to emerge on the galactic scene a couple of decades back.

However the flaming rage he expected to see in her eyes was tempered and controlled by a cool calculating professionalism and he was certain she was processing all available information she had on the situation. Such as the fact he was here for a job and if she was it they wouldn't be talking. It only took a couple of seconds for her to raise her pistol. 

_ Smart, signaling a lack of hostile intent but quicker to re-aim on a krogan than if she'd lowered it like she did for Fist _ .

"Come on." She reiterated to her squad, pushing past him, the others following her example but somewhat more nervously and he went to work collecting information. 

He was no hacker but sweeping up all the datapads he could see and pulling out any computer drives to hand over to his contact was normally enough to keep the Shadow Broker happy. If he/she/they wanted more finesse then he/she/they would have assigned him a tech-head for the job.

The sound of renewed gunfire caught his attention. Fist's backup must have arrived. Tough luck for him, they're a little late.

He finished what he was doing before heading back out. Seeing the squishy's command of battle was even more impressive live than it had been when analysing the dead bodies on the way in. It was a joy to watch.

However he liked a good fight and the human's actions had prevented him from getting the one he'd been expecting on the way in so he couldn't help joining in on this one. 

He charged into the fray with his shotgun singing and in the background he could hear rapidly changed orders as the human capitalized on his unexpected diversion.

"Wrex! Watch your Seven!" The yell came and he was momentarily confused by the human's remark.  _ What did numbers have to do with battle? He had a quad but that was something completely different _ , he couldn't think of anything he possessed seven of.

Her message became clear, even if the language did not, when he felt his armour take a hit from just left of behind. He spun with a roar to take care of the problem, only to see the human in question snuff it from an overdose of weapon's fire.

The fight didn't last much longer. It had been fun though and Wrex didn't question it when he found himself jogging alongside the strange squad towards the navpoint of the quarian's meeting place.

The human leader shot him a brief look but said nothing as they focused on making it to their objective.

They made it in the nick of time, the quarian throwing out a grenade and diving out the way of the assassin's attack as they rounded the corner and joined in the assault. 

For all their high-tech armour, the two salarians and solitary turian stood no chance against the onslaught, and it was soon time for introductions. 

Tali's information certainly sounded like something his employer would be interested in, however his orders had only been to take care of Fist. With how jumpy the quarian was after the setup, and how protective the newly identified Commander Shepard was acting towards the kid, he decided it was better not to attempt to acquire it. 

He would certainly be looking into his boss's files on this Shepard though.

...

A small army of C-Sec officers were waiting on the border between the Wards and the Presidium to enforce the no guns rule. The prohibition was fairly strict with the only exception being Spectres and members of C-Sec. Wrex was fairly certain there was a less official 'no krogan' rule as well but he wasn't willing to test it.

There was no way he was letting the pyjaks at C-Sec touch his guns anyway so he decided to part ways with the strange group and hunt down his contact in a different ward. He smiled to himself as he heard Shepard state poker faced:

"Officer Vakarian, thank you for letting me borrow your pistol earlier. You best have it back now." While handing her own sidearm to the turian. 

To the whelp's credit he didn't falter in his acceptance. 

She relinquished the rest of her weapons easily enough, though kept her armour, stating that it was purely defensive not offensive in nature. 

It wasn't until the rag-tag unit were through security and headed towards the embassies that she casually added: "Of course, anything can be weaponised if you throw it hard enough."

...

Udina hadn't been too impressed by her arrival in his office, although he soon changed his tune when she revealed the incriminating evidence that Tali had recovered. 

The young quarian had been nervous at first but by the end of the meeting was volunteering her services in the fight against the geth. 

Shepard discreetly checked Anderson was ok with the idea before giving provisional permission depending on the ship's chief medical officer agreeing. 

While the quarian's technological skills and knowledge would undoubtedly be great assets, she wasn't willing to risk the kid's life if the doc didn't feel confident patching her up. The captain chuckled at her conditions.

"If I know Karin she'll jump at the challenge." 

The good doctor was certainly the most certified in the Alliance for alien physiology, although he doubted even she had any official training on quarians.

The turian also immediately offered to help hunt Saren and Anderson had to remind them all not to jump the gun. They still had to present the new evidence to the Council, listen to their verdict and obey their orders on the matter. 

Still, if things went the way he expected then his protege was about to surpass him, and he couldn't be prouder of the younger N7.

...

The newly designated Spectre was heading back to her newly designated ship after the hearing turned ceremony when she spotted Wrex leaning against a pillar. Not that the giant krogan was easy to miss.

"Shepard. I'm coming too."

Her eyebrow raised at his bold statement.

"Is that so?"

"You need me Shepard," 

_ Yeah like a fish needs a bicycle, _ she thought as he lay out his reasoning. 

However she had finally realised where she knew his name from. Several times over the years she'd engaged in intense research sessions on thresher maws, every recorded incident involving them, studying their moves, comparing different species tactics against them, seeing what worked and what didn't.

Two maws working in tandem had wiped out 90% of an asari huntress cadre with several millennia of experience between them. 

Survival on the whole seemed to be down to luck. The preferred method of engagement an orbital bombardment. 

Even that wouldn't work if they retreated back under ground. 

The sole exception to the galaxy wide advice of 'stay the hell away' was the krogan. They actually organised hunting parties to go after the beasts. 

Very, very large parties sure, but still.

Then there were the stories about trial by combat: on foot, in small groups, against the wildlife of Tuchanka. These were not judicial proceedings however but held some kind of cultural significance for the krogan, although Shepard was still somewhat unclear on the details.

Little information came out from Tuchanka, and what did was mostly a resort of STG spies rather than volunteered by the krogan themselves. If she knew nothing else about thresher maws, this detail alone would be enough to convince her they were bad news: a krogan who got a maw for his trial didn't have to kill it in order to be victorious, he just had to survive for half an hour.

In fact the last krogan to kill a maw on foot, from the outside, was one Urdnot Wrex. 

She longed to pick his knowledge of the beasts.

"-and if nothing else I make a good bullet sponge." The warrior in question finished making his case to join her team.

"That's what shields and cover is for." Shepard dismissed before sighing. As much as his exploits intrigued her on a personal level, she wasn't about to risk her crew by having a loose cannon on board. 

"Look, I'm not questioning your fighting skills. I admit I'd be hard-pressed to find someone better, but I need to know you'll follow my orders. Not sometimes, not if you were going to do that anyway, but whenever I give an order you follow it. I'm not having you pull anymore stunts like you did with Fist."

"That wasn't a stunt, I killed him."

"Yeah, I kind of noticed.  _ After _ he'd surrendered. I thought the biggest insult a krogan could give was to declare someone not worth killing?"

"It is, but I had a contract on him. I always finish a job."

"Do you have any more ongoing contracts I need to be aware of?"

The giant lizard shook his head and she stared him down appraisingly. 

"What about your work with the Shadow Broker? How do I know you're not just coming onboard to spy on my ship?"

The krogan laughed.

"I'm sorry, but krogan spies! We're not exactly discreet." 

The commander didn't seem amused so he shrugged. 

"The Shadow Broker already knows everything he wants to about your ship. Would you like to see the blueprints?" 

The human's eyes narrowed as he brought up the relevant file on his omni-tool.

"Tell me why Wrex? Why do you want in on this?"

"I'm krogan, we love to fight, and I get the feeling this is going to be the best fight of the decade." 

She shook her head, that calculating look back in her eyes.

"Don't give me that stereotypical varen shit. I may never have met a krogan scientist but I've run into a couple of architects and engineers before. I know you're not all bloodthirsty mercs. What's the real reason?"

"Exactly that. My people were once proud warriors sure, but we were capable of so much more. All the galaxy sees when they think 'krogan' is mercenaries or bodyguards. Did you know there's not a single krogan in C-Sec? There's multiple hanar and elcor, hell you humans were only discovered a quarter century ago and you're already swarming their ranks. 

I wasn't lying when I said this fight's going to be big. Saren already has an army of krogan at his disposal. Those whelps aren't worth the title krogan but all the galaxy will see is us as the bad guys again. 

You've already got a turian and a quarian on your crew, let me have a chance to show my people on the right side of history for once. For all those weirdos who don't want to be warriors but get abused for wanting to use their brains just because they're krogan..." 

He faded out, not entirely sure where the speech was going. He had thought he'd given up caring for his people a long time ago, but the words had come straight from the hearts. The human was still looking at him and he felt as if she was weighing up his entire being. She nodded once.

"Ok. But consider this your one and only warning. If you endanger my crew or disobey my orders I  **_will_ ** drop you off on the nearest planet, regardless of whether or not it is considered habitable."

He chuckled at the threat and yet didn't doubt her for a second. He nodded in agreement to her terms and she smiled, holding out a hand. He glanced bemusedly at it for a second before remembering the human custom and shaking it. 

"Welcome aboard Wrex."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know in the game tech armour isn't available until ME2, but by then it's widely available with enemies and npcs having access to it so, as far as I'm concerned, it's perfectly feasible for prototypes to be in circulation 2 years prior. Especially with Nikki having 'connections' with cutting edge tech corporations.
> 
> As for not having weapons on the Presidium, I just find it hard to imagine they let military personnel from varying species (particularly non-council ones) wander around fully armed among all those politicians. The risk of assassination or attempted coup is just too high.
> 
> Yeah, they probably should have rearmed before heading down to Wards though, that was just stupid. Just like how stupid it is in the game that every time you get in an elevator in the middle of a mission your squad holsters their weapons. What if the doors open to reveal an ambush!?
> 
> Finally the biggest change: Wrex. I absolutely love Wrex as a companion in the game and assure you that he and Nikki will be becoming great friends. However it just doesn't make sense from a paragon point of view, with the information you have at the time, to let a bounty hunter that works for the Shadow Broker, that you know next to nothing about, and who just gunned down a currently unarmed man who had already surrendered, access to your top secret Alliance vessel without question.
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying.


	3. Chapter 3

"I hear congratulations are in order." Trish stated as she answered the call.

"Uh, what?" Nikki was temporarily thrown off balance, she'd been stuck in a purgatory of paperwork for what felt like eternity and hadn't had time to call since before Eden Prime.

"My girlfriend, first human Spectre." Trish clarified and the newly appointed spectre's face fell.

"Dammit, I was hoping to be the one to tell you that." She practically whined.

"Sorry Nikki, press beat you by a couple of hours. My work colleagues were asking if it's  _ my _ Shepard in the news and of course  _ you _ hadn't told me anything..." The older woman was teasing but clearly milking this for all it was worth. 

She had been at home when the five by five message reached her. She had taken one look and gone back to getting dressed for work, safe in the knowledge that her partner was ok and blissfully unaware of whatever it was that the N7 had felt the need to reassure her about.

It wasn't until she reached the office that she heard about the horrors of Eden Prime and could only imagine how much worse it would have been if she'd heard of the Normandy's involvement before she got Nikki's little note. 

She had constantly checked her omni-tool during her lunch break in case Nikki tried to get in touch but there was nothing further from the soldier.

The press, on the other hand, were much more communicative. Reveling in such juicy gossip as the fact the attack was suspected to be the work of the geth. The first sighting of the sentient machines outside the Perseus Veil since the quarian exile. 

It wasn't until just before the end of the day that Matthias had called for her to come quick to the staff room and she'd joined the crowd around the TV screen to watch the historic moment happening on the Citadel.

"Luckily there was video of the ceremony and I'd recognise that beautiful behind anywhere."

"Nice try love but my 'beautiful behind' was wearing armour."

"Did I say your ass? I meant your face."

"What, the back of my face?" They continued joking around for a bit before Nikki suddenly asked: "You're not upset are you?"

"What, that I found out from the press?"

"No, I meant the news not the messenger. I know you weren't exactly thrilled when my MOS got changed to spec ops, spectre's going to be even more dangerous, and there's unsociable hours." She added the last bit in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'm used to unsociable hours! Honestly Nick? I'm going to worry when I know you're out in the field regardless of what your official rank or role is, but I'm proud of you. I was proud when you made N7. Hell, I was proud when you made Sergeant! It's no big deal. Well... I mean  **_obviously_ ** it's a big deal. Being spectre. First for humanity and all that, but as far as 'us' is concerned? Nothing's changed."

"Well, I don't know about that... there's no-one outranking me on the ship to tell me to stop using up the bandwidth and get back to work anymore." Nikki declared, causing Trish to laugh.

"Will you look at that, not even a full day in the job and already taking advantage. They always said power corrupts."

"Good job I've got you to keep me honest then."

"Pfft, we can but hope. Just promise you'll still be careful."

"I promise. Anyway enough about me, what've you been up to?"

"Nothing historic or newsworthy I'm afraid."

"Terrible, letting the side down again." The N7 teased and they shared a chuckle.

"Some of it  _ is _ slightly classified if that helps salvage your opinion of me."

"Hmm, maybe... How slight is slightly?"

"I definitely shouldn't tell you about it and if I did you probably wouldn't understand what I was talking about anyway."

"Ah come on babe, I never understand what you're talking about when you discuss your work. I just like hearing the passion in your voice when you're babbling away in tech speak. Then again, you could read the phonebook and I'd happily listen to your voice."

The civilian simply scoffed in response. 

"Which vid did you steal that line from? We don't even have phonebooks anymore."

"Meh, fine. The phonetic alphabet then."

"Really? Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtro-"

"Wait! I just remembered... I got some feedback for you about Project Delta. It can withstand one and a half shotgun bursts at practically point blank range."

"One and a half?" Trish repeated with a shake of the head. You didn't need an IQ as high as hers to do the math. "And which part of being hit in close quarters by at least half a shotgun blast constitutes you being five by five?"

"Hey! In my defense that didn't happen until several hours after I sent the message."

"Fine. Send me the suit data, I'll make sure Mathias's team gets it."

"Ah, about that... I wasn't wearing my armour at the time..."

"You WHAT!?" Trish exploded. "What the fuck happened to you being careful?"

"Come on, I was on the Citadel! I wasn't expecting to be the target of assassins."

"Assas-... Nick, stop talking! Seriously, just shut up, right now please." 

Thankfully the soldier obeyed and Trish took several deep breaths to calm herself before speaking again. 

"So, obviously you're still alive. Are you actually alright? You're not too badly wounded are you?"

The other end of the line was quiet but it wasn't the ominous silence of her partner trying to decide how much to tell her. 

No. Even without video Trish could picture the slight twitch of movement at the corner of her N-baby's mouth. 

"Oh for...  **You bloody great child!** You're allowed to speak when I ask a question you know!"

Shepard stopped trying to repress her smirk.

"Of course I'm alright."

"Oh,  _ of course _ you're alright. It was  _ only _ assassins. Plural, I note. Who needs armour when facing assassins?"

"Babe, you're overreacting."

" **_I'll_ ** decide the appropriate level of reaction thank you!"

"Seriously, they weren't even very good. I should probably be offended that Saren thought they had any chance of stopping me."

"Ah, disappointed in the level of service are we? And on a scale of one to dead how would you rate your assassination attempt today?" 

Nikki couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her throat.

"Hmm, I reckon about a two. Poor execution, only a minor flesh wound, nearly cleared up already. Not even gonna scar."

"Hmph." Trish clearly wasn't impressed but at least the worst of her anger had burnt away. "And how would you rate your medical care afterwards?"

"Excellent. My lieutenant helped patch me up as soon as the area was secured and I was in a med clinic less than half an hour later." 

All technically true. The fact that she hadn't actually received any first aid while in Dr Michel's clinic, just more gunfire, was completely beside the point. Trish didn't need to know that. 

"Doc Chakwas gave me a full check up when I got back to the ship and she says I'll be fit for being shot at again by tomorrow. Although she suggested I try to wear armour next time."

"You bloody well better." 

Nikki had no witty retort to that. 

"So... I take it it's true then? What they're saying on the news?"

"I don't know babe, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific. What are they saying?"

"That you're going after Saren. That he was behind the attack on Eden Prime and he's been stripped of his spectre status."

"Hmm, you know I can't  _ confirm _ , or deny, those sorts of rumours." She replied with enough inflection to do just that.

"Sounds like trying to find a needle in a haystack to me."

"More like looking for hay in a needle stack... If it were true. Which I can't-"

"Confirm or deny, yeah I know. Just promise you'll be careful.  _ Whatever _ it is you may be up to."

"I'll do my best."

...

The vision from the beacon didn't make any more sense after a repeat viewing, Shepard decided as she woke in her new room. 

It felt strange having an entire cabin to herself. Space was at a premium on Alliance ships, frigates even more so, and while it had been years since she'd had to hotbunk, she'd always had to share a room with at least one other officer, sometimes more.

A brief glance towards the clock revealed they were still in the middle of the night shift and she had another three hours until her alarm was due to go off to start her day. 

While she'd never had to deal with beacon induced visions before, she had more than enough experience with traditional nightmares to know better than to stay in bed. So, she dragged herself to her feet, threw on her PT kit and headed to the ship's small gym.

She hadn't really expected anyone else to be working out at such an insane time but she had to admit, she wasn't entirely surprised to find Chief Williams in there hitting the heavy bag. 

Nikki didn't interrupt as she conducted a quick warm up and stepped onto the treadmill. She hadn't been running long when the chief launched a final, powerful roundhouse at the bag, making the whole thing shake, before picking up her hoody and water bottle and heading for the door.

"You know, if the doc finds out I was here and let you leave without doing a proper cool down she'll probably skin me alive." Shepard called out and Ashley jumped in surprise.

"Argh! What the- Oh, sorry ma'am... didn't see you there." 

Nikki chuckled as she continued jogging. Not turning her head from its forward facing position.

"Clearly. Relax Williams you don't have to stand on ceremony in the gym. Or the mess. Or the head. You  **_do_ ** however have to do a cool down after any gym sessions so Chakwas can't blame me for any preventable injuries you pick up." 

Ash warily made her way back over to the exercise area, she hadn't really considered what she was doing to be a workout, she had just needed to hit something... repeatedly... She wasn't about to tell her CO that however and she WAS breathing rather hard, so she found a mat and worked through some appropriate stretches.

Shepard cast a quick glance at her subordinate, wondering if she should offer some type of comfort to the younger marine. However despite being one of the few people onboard who could truly understand what the 212 survivor was going through, she didn't really know what to say. 

She also had to admit that if an officer tried to get her to talk after Akuze she'd probably doubt their sincerity. Maybe even think it was a trap to catch her out and kick her out the service. She certainly wouldn't have appreciated it. 

Then again, she certainly hadn't been a shining example of the healthy way to handle trauma.

Before she could make a decision Williams finished her routine and left the gym. Nikki sighed before focusing back on her own workout, letting her brain empty out before bringing it back round to bear on a plan for the day ahead.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard had actually agreed with the Council's decision not to send a fleet into the Traverse. Space was a big place and without knowing exactly where and when Saren was planning to be it would have been far too easy for a single ship to slip past the patrols. 

It would be a pointless, expensive exercise that could maybe, possibly, incite unrest among the heavily armed local populace.

However, while she had plenty of practice pulling off objectives alone or with a small group that would have been impossible with a larger force, the more cynical part of her couldn't help think her current assignment was just another token gesture by the powers that be. 

Saren had been irrefutably proven guilty of the attack on Eden Prime and stripped of his spectre status, but little things like no longer having authorization or the keys to the front door wouldn't stop someone with his sort of training and experience. It certainly wouldn't have stopped her.

Unfortunately his stated goals of 'finding the conduit and bringing back the reapers' were a little vague and the only lead the Council had deigned to give her was: 'oh that's Beneziah's voice, she has a daughter, maybe she'll know more. She was last seen in the Artemius Tau cluster. You know, that giant bit of space that's composed of four star systems and still largely unsurveyed. Off you pop, have fun.'

Or in other words: give the monkeys their spectre so they'll shut up, order said spectre to the middle of nowhere so she's out the way, congratulate yourselves for looking proactive and progressive while not doing very much at all. 

Oh and as an added bonus, if Saren DOES pull off any dastardly plans we can blame you because it was your job to stop him. 

It was a masterstroke really. 

Brilliant plan. 

They'd forgotten just one thing: Shepard was bloody stubborn and she was determined to get the job done.

Of course even with the mass relays and Faster than Light travel it would still take a long time to cross the galaxy and Nikki quickly fell into a routine to pass the travel time. 

She'd start her day with a shower before taking breakfast in the mess with the ship's Heads of Department, they'd discuss plans for the day and make her aware of anything she needed to be aware of.

If a situation requiring her attention had been raised over breakfast then she'd head to the relevant department to try and sort it.

If not then she'd take a walk around the ship, getting to know her crew and giving the other ranks a chance to raise any concerns they may have, before submitting herself to a morning of trawling through any available info on Saren, the geth, the two T'Sonis and the planets in the Artemius Tau cluster. Desperately trying to narrow down their list of potential target sites before arrival.

She'd then take lunch with the ground team before they all headed down to the cargo bay to run through some drills. They started with Alliance hand signals and call signs, basic protocols, quickly progressing to special tactics, various squad layouts, target practice and advanced close quarter combat. 

That last utilized Garrus, Wrex and herself as dummies to show the best spots to hit and moves to use against their various species.

All the while she made mental notes of each individual's strengths and weaknesses, working on improving the defects she could and planning around the ones that couldn't be changed. 

While a good leader pushed people to be better than they thought themselves capable of, it was equally as important to know what their actual limitations were and not put them in a situation where they wouldn't be able to deliver. 

It was no N-school but Shepard pushed them hard every day until dinner, which she would eat with the team before checking back in with the Heads of Departments for a report on the day's events.

An hour or two later she was officially off duty, although she could be called back at a moment's notice. Her downtime was the only part of her day that didn't have a default setting. The best nights she'd get to vid call Trish but that wasn't always an option, sometimes they weren't close enough to a comm buoy to avoid horrendous lag or the civilian had other plans.

If that were the case then she'd play skyllian five against whoever was willing to lose credits in the mess or go down and tinker with the fresh out the crate Mako in the cargo hold. Talk mighty battles and thresher maws with Wrex or discuss geth and life on the quarian fleet with Tali.

Eventually she'd go to bed, waking up and hitting the gym with Ash until her alarm went off and she'd start her day with a shower. 

It certainly wasn't the daily routine of most ship captains, but she'd always been a ground side officer rather than a ship side one and she'd been blessed enough to inherit a simply fantastic crew from Anderson who all knew their jobs, what needed to be done and how to do it, without any handholding or oversight on her behalf. 

Plus she had an amazing XO in Lieutenant Pressly who was much more suited to maintaining the smooth running of ship side operations than her, she was happy to delegate the job to him.

"Any moment now people are going to start the whole 'Are we there yet' routine." Nikki informed her girlfriend during one of their vid calls as the days began to drag.

"When you say 'people' are we talking about your crew or you?"

"Pfft, it's not like I can ask anyone, I'm supposed to be in charge." The spectre grumbled dejectedly and Trish got the impression that if Anderson were still in command, her partner would totally be the one responsible for the childish antics.

"Supposed to be?" 

Nikki waved her hand dismissively instead of answering. 

"You could probably get away with asking the pilot." Trish really wasn't sure why she was encouraging the N7.

"Nah, I'd rather not push the pilot to suicide. The Villa taught me to fly shuttles not mahoosive frigates."

"I remember the days you used to moan that frigates were tiny."

"Yeah that was in the days before I was expected to be able to get to the bridge from anywhere on the ship in three minutes flat." 

Trish felt an eyebrow rise involuntary, she knew Nick had to be available at all times but she wasn't convinced the regs were that stringent on the timeframe.

"And can you?"

"Not yet, I'm gonna keep practicing until I nail it though. Does the crew good to see me sprinting through the ship like a loony for no apparent reason at really random times."

"I'm sure." Trish deadpanned and they fell into a comfortable silence, mirroring each other despite the distance as they led on their respective beds, heads tilted to the side watching each other on their omni-tools.

"Trish... can I ask you something?" Nikki sounded almost hesitant as she broke the silence.

"Nope." The civilian smirked as she saw the pout on her girlfriend's face. "Oh, alright then. What?"

"How... I mean like... After Akuze, how did you know the right thing to say to me?" 

Trish frowned,  _ where is this coming from? _

"Uh, I didn't."

"Yeah but you did. You knocked my head back on straight."

"Ok, you and I have vastly different memories of that time. I remember months of never knowing what to say, or which Nikki I was going to come home to, and you stalking off whenever I tried to have a conversation. Honestly? I don't know how much longer I could have held out if you didn't come round when you did, it was a nightmare."

"Sorry."

"You've apologised enough over the years, I forgave you long ago. Now what's all this about Nick? I might be able to give you a better answer if I know what you're looking for."

"I don't know, I just... There's someone on my ship... guess they remind me a bit of me back then is all. I want to help but I don't know how."

"All you can do is let them know the offer's there Nick. You can't help if they don't want it, trust me on that." Trish hesitated, if this person reminded Nikki of herself then she might not appreciate her next comment but she had to say something. "Are you sure they should be on active duty? If they're acting like you were six years ago-"

"Ah it's not that bad Trish. I don't want to ruin her career."

"I seem to remember a certain sergeant worrying about her career getting wrecked if she so much as  _ considered _ talking to a shrink, now look where you are."

"Yeah you were right that time. It's not the same though babe, there's pre-existing prejudices in this case. Some people would use any excuse to keep her down just because of who her family is. Bloody stupid really. From her aptitude scores and what I saw on Eden Prime... she could be damn good if they gave her the chance." 

Trish didn't look convinced. 

"Look, I'll get the doc to launch an intervention if I think it becomes necessary but don't worry, she's nowhere near as bad as I used to be. I'm probably just reading too much into it because our situations are similar. There aren't any obvious signs, I just worry she's not sleeping properly what with the way I keep running into her in the gym at night."

"You're having trouble sleeping again?" Trish asked immediately, all thoughts of the mystery woman forgotten.

"That's not what I said."

"No, you just said you're worried about your gym buddy. You wouldn't be unless these run-ins happened at a time when you  _ both _ should be asleep."

"Of course you'd focus on that part." Shepard grumbled halfheartedly. Sometimes there were disadvantages to dating a genius. "I'm sleeping. Maybe not as much as most people, I seem to be waking up a little earlier than I need to but you don't need to worry, I get enough."

"Is it Akuze again?"

"No it's not Akuze. It's something... new." 

The hesitation sent Trish's brain into overdrive. While Akuze remained the biggest culprit, it wasn't the only source of her girlfriend's occasional nightmares. 'New' however could only realistically mean one thing.

"Eden Prime?"

"Kind of. Not in the way you're probably thinking though. I'm sorry babe, I really can't talk about it much at the moment." 

Normally that was enough to get Trish to drop a subject, it was the nature of their jobs that they each had secrets and couldn't always tell each other about their day. She doubted she'd ever learn what happened during Operation Amadeus for example. A mission responsible for more than one nightmare but that Nikki had only ever told her was: 'so classified even  **_I_ ** don't know what I was doing there'. 

However for some reason, before she could stop herself, Trish found herself inquiring: "Is it something to do with that beacon?" 

There was a painful silence as the soldier stopped lounging, sitting up attentively on the other side of the call.

"What?"

"It was on TV, something about a prothean beacon found on Eden Prime? Apparently it was damaged in the attack." Trish couldn't help flinching slightly as her partner swore.

"For fuck's sake! Is there  **_any_ ** classified information from that mission that the press hasn't told the whole damn galaxy about?!" 

The civilian knew the anger wasn't directed at her but she'd still rather dispel it as quickly as possible.

"Well... They didn't say what colour underwear you were wearing."

There was an involuntary snort and Trish could see the amusement and irritation fighting for dominance in the N7's face before she dipped her head down in acquiescence.

"Sorry." Nick apologised for the outburst, knowing how much her girlfriend hated shouting.

"That's not a colour." Trish played dumb, eliciting a smirk.

"Like I'm supposed to remember! Whatever I was wearing it was nothing fancy I assure you babe. Last thing you need in the middle of combat is a wedgie."

...

Shepard's increasingly monotonous morning routine was finally broken the day they entered the Farinata system in the Hades Gamma cluster. Joker informed her of an incoming priority one call and she practically flew into the comm room to take it. Saluting smartly as Admiral Hackett's image filled the holo projector.

"At ease Commander. I know you're under Citadel jurisdiction now and don't have to answer to our chain of command any more but we've got a situation here and you're the nearest available Alliance ship-" 

Despite being tactically gifted and quick thinking under pressure Shepard was still capable of making the occasional oversight. As such it hadn't even occurred to her before this very instant that the fact spectres were considered above the law and answerable only to the Council meant she no longer had to obey the orders of her superiors in the Alliance. 

_ Or should that be 'former superiors'? _ To be honest the idea was a little scary, even though she had been operating with greater independence than most officers for awhile now as a result of her N Forces work.

"Admiral, I'll make you a deal."  _ Wow Trish was right, power really has gone to my head. I would never dream of interrupting her uncle before _ . 

"You give me any Alliance intel on the geth the second you hear about it and I'll keep fulfilling any N level missions you've got as long as I'm somewhere kind of in the area and not fulfilling a direct lead on the Spectre case."

"Deal, thank you Shepard."

"No problem Sir, now what's the job?"

"A group of fanatical biotics kidnapped the chairman of the Parliament Subcommittee on Transhuman Studies. Their freighter sustained damage and is dead in space. Get in and take them down."

_ Down not out, _ she noted his wording. Over the years she'd become very good at interpreting orders not explicitly stated. This one likely meant the situation was highly political and would only worsen if they became martyrs. 

That didn't mean she wasn't  _ allowed _ to kill them of course. Just that she was to accept their surrender should they actually attempt to offer it. As opposed to 'taking them out' which meant: 'the Rules of Engagement clearly state we must accept any surrender offered, so make damn sure they don't get the chance to offer'.

"What are the biotics asking for?"

"They're L2s and most of them are suffering major side effect from the implants. The subcommittee recently denied a request for reparations to all L2 biotics. Apparently they'd like the chairman to reconsider." 

_ Great, that means they're desperate, have nothing to lose. _

"Any idea on opposition?"

"No idea on numbers I'm afraid, but we've got a positive ID on the leader: Charles Eisenhardt. Ex-military, medical discharge, I'll send you his dossier. They were also seen loading equipment onto the freighter, expect traps and combat drones." 

A chime alerted her to an incoming message and she opened the attached files to find not only the promised dossier but also ship blueprints of the MSV Ontario, photos to help identify the hostage Chairman Burns and a set of coordinates. She started reading even as she continued listening and conversing with the Admiral.

"I'd appreciate it if you could have a ship standing by just outside the system so I can transfer Burns and any prisoners over quickly once I've secured the ship." 

She still had enough respect for Alliance command to NOT say out loud the comment floating around in her head about her ship not being a taxi service and Hackett readily accepted the request. 

The call ended not long after and she hunted Pressly down in the CIC to give him the co-ordinates. The navigator quickly worked out a route which was forwarded onto Joker while she passed the ETA on to the ground team with instructions to be ready twenty minutes before. 

Blueprints in hand, she returned to her room to plan. There was just one more factor to consider and she activated comms while she walked.

"Lieutenant Alenko, meet me in my office."

...

"Stand easy Kaiden, this is one of them off the record talks and there are no right or wrong answers, I just want honest ones ok?"

"Yes ma'am." He nodded but only fractionally relaxed and Shepard had to bite back a sigh and an eye roll.

"Have you heard the results of the Parliamentary subcommittee's report concerning L2 reparations?" 

Whatever the lieutenant had expected the meeting to be about it clearly hadn't been that, his surprise was clearly visible on his face.

"Yes ma'am."

"And what did you think of it?"

"Ma'am?" 

This time Shepard didn't manage to contain her eye roll.

"I already told you this is informal and off the record Kaiden, please stop with all the ma'am nonsense. This isn't a test and the only way you can disappoint me is if you lie so I ask again, what do you think about the denial for reparations to L2s?"

"I'm a little disappointed ma'a- Commander. Not particularly surprised, but what can you do?"

"Kidnap the chairman of the subcommittee apparently." 

His jaw dropped as he was rendered speechless. 

"At least according to Charles Eisenhardt." Shepard added.

"And you think what exactly? That just because I'm an L2 I'm on their side?"

"No. I'm asking, not assuming and as far as I'm aware this isn't an Alliance wide witch hunt. I'm asking because I've been tasked with resolving the situation. We're en route to Eisenhardt's location as we speak."

"And you want to know if can be trusted?" He sighed. "I can empathize with their plight but I do  **_not_ ** condone their actions Commander. Anyone who acts like a terrorist should be treated like a terrorist, regardless of what their cause is. I understand if you don't want to take the risk bringing me onboard."

"I'm not ordering you to sit this one out Kaiden, I trust you. I'm just giving you the option. Anderson gave me the same choice the first time I had to fight alongside batarians instead of against them." She observed him closely but other than curiosity at the mention of her past, she didn't see anything to worry about.

"I'm ready and able ma'am." He intoned, repeating her declaration to Anderson before Eden Prime.

"Alright then, we're taking the whole squad." Her voice, which had been soft during the questioning, hardened as she became fully professional, pointing at the blueprints. 

"Insert here and conduct a room by room sweep. If we have to split then me and Garrus are team one, you and Williams team two. Wrex and Tali will stay back as we clear rooms to maintain corridor security." 

He'd been nodding in agreement to her plan until that last bit.

"Do you really think Wrex will be content to stay back?"

"Consider it a test. He's on this boat under the provision that he can follow my orders, if he can't then he can stay behind when we leave.  _ IF _ he runs off then you order Williams back to cover Tali, move up to pair with Garrus and I'll worry about keeping pace with the krogan. Any other questions?" 

He looked at the annotated plan, strangely feeling happier rather than worried knowing the commander had a contingency plan for rampaging krogan and shook his head. Everything else looked solid.

"Ok, let's go brief the others."

...

At first the mission went off without a hitch. If there was one thing her new team had plenty of practice at it was clearing rooms and corridors, that scenario being the easiest to simulate on a ship without a holo deck. 

Still, there was a difference between training and real life and she was pleased that the squad maintained discipline as they moved silently through the ship. Communicating through hand signals when needed.

Everything changed when they reached the cargo hold. 

The crates that should have provided them with cover were stacked in such a way that they had no choice but to be funneled along the wall away from the door, it was clearly a trap but there was no other choice but to spring it.

_ Well that's not  _ **_entirely_ ** _ true, there's ALWAYS another way. We could double back to life support and shut off the ship's oxygen supply, but that would also kill the hostage, _ Shepard thought dismissively as she double checked her shield settings were on maximum and activated her prototype tech armour in preparation to round the corner and get shot. 

However rather than the expected gunfire, she was assaulted by a hail of biotic attacks as she emerged, running and gunning for the nearest available cover. 

She was just over a metre out when she was finally hit, a throw bowling her off her feet. A warp landing seconds after she hit the deck. 

Instead of immediately pulling herself to her feet, she rolled the remaining distance to the crate before standing.

The warp was doing something to her tech armour that no doubt Trish's work colleagues would find fascinating, but all Shepard cared about was that it wasn't shredding her body apart right now.

She used her omni-tool to launch damping and sabotage attacks in the direction of the enemy. A grenade quickly followed. 

The fanatics clearly had no intention of surrendering so there was no point in prolonging the battle more than necessary. Especially when it would give Eisenhardt time to record a lovely promo video and execute the chairman.

"Wrex! Come on in and have some fun." 

The krogan was more than happy to comply, ignoring such tactical considerations as cover as he charged straight for the enemy with his shotgun pumping.

A telltale blue glow gave the commander a split second warning before the cargo container she was behind began to lift. 

She quickly jumped and held onto the lip of the crate rather than be exposed to the full deadly force of combined biotics and gunfire from the definitely Alliance trained L2s. 

It was a quick, instinctive reaction that may well have saved her life but she still regretted it when she realised the crate was being thrown at Wrex. 

The ancient battlemaster simply raised a hand, activating his own biotics and Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as as the hurtling chunk of metal she was attached to stopped hurtling. 

Her relief was short lived however as the krogan made another gesture.

"Oh shi-..." The container ploughed into the terrorists, the N7 quickly dropping and rolling before the crate could crush her too. Rising with her shotgun spitting, she found herself in close quarters combat with the enemy. 

Naturally her tech armour chose that moment to finally fail. 

It had to happen eventually, but she was not expecting the pulse of energy that swept out, knocking down the people nearest to her. Surprise didn't stop her from taking advantage of the situation however, even as thoughts ran rampant through the back of her mind.

_ What the hell was that? Trish didn't say anything about that. It didn't happen when the armour ran out on the citadel. It must be a fault. I sure hope Matthias's team can replicate it when they get the suit data, it was damn useful, would be awesome if I could trigger it manually. _

Once the hostiles were finally eliminated the rest of her squad made their way over, thankfully remembering to continue sweeping the area as they approached with various looks of awe, wonder and amusement on their faces.

"Well that's one way to flank the enemy." Garrus deadpanned and Wrex boomed in laughter, the two human marines trying, and failing, to repress their own chuckles. Tali was shaking slightly and Nikki was fairly certain the only reason she couldn't hear the youngest team member's mirth was because the quarian had turned off her external speakers.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up. Next time you're on flanking maneuvers." Shepard threatened. "Come on, mission's not over yet."

...

Kaiden watched the commander with barely concealed admiration as they waited for the SSV Madrid to pick up the prisoners. 

He still wasn't sure what was more impressive, that she'd managed to talk Charles Eisenhardt into surrendering, or that she'd even bothered attempting to try in the first place.

Sure Eisenhardt had had Chairman Burns at gunpoint, but Kaiden had heard the order to Garrus over closed comms to let her know when he had a clear shot. Let her know, but not to fire unless she ordered it. 

He'd been there when the turian took the shot in Dr Michel's clinic and knew the former C-Sec officer could make it clean without endangering the hostage. 

When his flanged voice claimed he was ready, Kaiden fully expected it to be game over for the former Alliance biotic.

Instead Shepard kept talking, telling the fanatics how they were all a bunch of idiots, making things worse for every other L2 out there. Increasing the public's mistrust and forcing the newer generations of biotics to go through the same hell the first generation had gone through, instead of being able to make the most of the recent progress in public opinion and legal support.

If all that wasn't enough, she then proceeded to outline better plans and tactics for them to get what they wanted. Ones that they could even enact from inside prison where (she left them in no doubt) they  **_would_ ** be going if they didn't end up in body bags first. 

When she finally shut up Charles didn't just surrender, he looked contrite as well. 

The final icing on the cake was when she'd motioned for Ash to take Burns out of the room. The chairman had been gushing in his thanks for her rescue, claiming he'd no idea how desperate the L2s were. Shepard had looked at him like he was muck on her boot and shook her head in disgust as she stated: "Then you weren't doing your job."

Of course, Kaiden knew not all humans were prejudiced against biotics, but there was a difference between not insulting them and actively supporting them. Especially when you had a gun in your face. 

Regulations stated he had to salute the commander's insignia and anyone who earned the N7 badge was undoubtedly worthy of respect. She'd earnt his gratitude when she pulled him out the way of that beacon. Now she had something... he wasn't quite sure how to describe it other than 'more'.

It was more than her rank or her achievements that garnered his reverence, it was who she actually was as a person... 

And that person was spectacular.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, looking forward to your first Mako drop?" Shepard asked her non-human teammates as they all gathered around the lockers, running final checks on their weapons and securing them in place. 

Anderson's 'advice' upon reaching the Artemius Tau cluster had been to look for the prothean ruins and there could be little doubt that the planet best known for prothean sites was Therum.

Unfortunately it was also the planet with the highest population, with Eldfell-Ashland having multiple mines on the planet and building the appropriate towns and infrastructure to support their workers. That meant the chance of their presence remaining secret once they entered orbit was relatively low. Yes she had a stealth ship, but it was still visible to the naked eye.

She had tried to minimize the risk by having the Normandy's approach vector bring them in on the other side of the planet to Nova Yekaterinburg, sticking to the least inhabited areas as they conducted orbital scans on known prothean sites for any signs of activity. 

Now that they had narrowed the search down to a handful of possible locations, the only way to know for sure was to go down and check the remaining ones out.

"God no, Mako drops are horrible." To her surprise it wasn't any of the aliens that responded to her question and she raised an incredulous eyebrow at Ash.

"What was that Williams?"

"Uh, I mean they're horrible ma'am." Ashley tried to correct herself but was wrong in her assumption of what the commander's problem had been.

"They're not! They're amazing and- Ah..." She broke off her protestations with a noise of understanding as she remembered the Gunnery Chief's service record. She'd been stuck on planetary defense and other crap postings her entire career. 

"You've not dropped since basic have you? Yeah those drops are pretty nasty, nobody actually seems to know what they're doing back then."

"I've dropped since basic and I agree with the chief." Kaiden stated and Shepard turned to mock glare at him.

"What is this, a mutiny? Whipping people might not be considered an acceptable source of naval discipline anymore but I'm sure I can come up with some kind of punishment." 

The lieutenant shrugged clearly not taking her threats seriously, the fact that she wasn't serious was besides the point.

"Sorry Commander, I just find them too rough, they seem to make me nauseous."

"Too rough? The Mako's like gliding on ice compared to a Grizzly! I can't believe you've spent this long in the Alliance and not served with anyone who knows how to drive. Wait, actually I can... I assure you you're in safe hands with me Alenko. I guarantee you the smoothest ride of your life." Shepard missed his reaction to the comment as she turned immediately to Tali who had her hand in the air.

"Umm, I'm sorry Shepard but what actually IS a Mako drop?" 

The commander smiled benevolently.

"It's a vehicular insertion technique. I was surprised when I found out the Alliance was the only military that really use it. Most species seem to prefer to use shuttles or land the ship so you can just drive off the ramp, but finding an acceptable landing zone can leave you hundreds of kilometers away from the objective so-"

"It's flying a tank." Wrex interrupted her long winded explanation.

"That's not flying!" Came an indignant protest from the ship's speakers, Shepard rolling her eyes at her pilot's eavesdropping even though she concurred with his statement.

"Agreed. It's more like falling with style."

...

Nikki wished she'd thought to put a camera in the Mako as she listened to the various responses of her squad as they hurtled through the air. She longed to see their faces but the drop required her full attention. 

One eye remained focused on the altimeter at all times, the other surveying the fast approaching ground for any potential obstacles. As a mechanic she'd had to fix far too many torn chassis from where a distracted driver had allowed an unseen rock to rip apart the bottom of the vehicle or propel it cartwheeling into the air.

She didn't need a spare eye to check what buttons she was pressing as she hit the thrusters at the appropriate times to slow their descent, knowing exactly where each control was from long years of experience.

Of course it was physically impossible to land without some kind of rebound, unless you planned on continuing to plow down through the ground leaving a rocky crater or gaping chasm behind that is, but her skill made it feel more like bouncing on a trampoline than the usual jerky, often bruise inducing, recoil. 

She wrestled with the steering as it tried to judder in response to the wheels hitting the ground, keeping their course straight as they rode out the last few bumps and resorted to normal driving. Then she braked and turned round in her seat, raising an eyebrow at the others.

"Well?"

"Much better than I expected." Ash allowed, while Kaiden admitted: "Best I've ever had."

"That was fun, I want to do it again!" Wrex boomed, earning himself a wide smile from the commander.

"I think I'm going to die." Tali supplied and Shepard's enthusiasm quickly vanished as she stood up from the driver's seat and made her way to the back in concern, activating her omni-tool to conduct a scan.

"Did you get a suit breach?"

"No, but I feel like half my organs are still in the cargo bay." The quarian groaned and Nikki couldn't help but laugh as she clapped her companionably on the shoulder.

"You get used to it I promise. What about you Garrus?" 

The turian's eyes were wide, his mandibles twitching comically as the commander made her way past him back to her seat.

"That was... That was..."

"That good huh?"

"You humans are crazy! Is that what those theme parks I heard about in C-Sec are like? Sort of scary and exhilarating at the same time."

"Don't know. Didn't have any on Mindoir."

"Wait, you've never been to a theme park ma'am?"

"What? If I want excitement I can jump out a shuttle. And on that note, time for an anticlimactic drive through the countryside."

...

After the adrenaline inducing drop, the first couple of hours on Therum's surface WAS rather anticlimactic. 

The archaeological equipment seen on the orbital scan of the first dig site had been abandoned, the life signs belonging to wildlife that had claimed the spot for themselves. A quick sweep through, just to make sure, found nothing to help with their mission and they clambered back into the Mako.

The second prothean ruin was slightly more exciting but no more profitable as they ran into a group of Blue Suns mercenaries who were looting the place for anything nailed down (everything not nailed down had vanished long ago). 

The team's enthusiasm was beginning to wane as they drove on to the next location, fortunately the Normandy's shipside crew hadn't all stopped working the moment the CO went ashore and the comm link crackled to life.

"Commander, we're picking up some strange readings a few klicks away from your position. Really strange. Like off the damn charts."

"Alright, send me the nav point." 

They changed course, managing to drive for almost five minutes before a geth ship raced over head deploying enemies in their path. The machines weren't like anything she'd seen on Eden Prime though and the commander found herself asking: "Tali, what are those?"

Their resident geth expert peered at the rapidly approaching shapes before replying: "I think they're armatures."

"What's an armat-" Shepard cut off as she wrenched the steering wheel to the side and hit the thrusters to avoid a pulse of blue energy. "You know what? Doesn't matter. Williams, open fire!"

The combined machine gun and canon fire took care of one while Nikki neutralized the other by ramming it into the lava. 

Targets down they drove on, the steep mountains and streams of molten sludge forcing them to twist and turn their way towards the objective.

Shepard briefly wondered why the geth hadn't dropped a larger force, surely they didn't think two units would be enough to stop her? She figured it out a moment later; they weren't trying to stop her, only slow her down. She cast her mind back to the orbital scans.

"Alenko have we got some kind of structure coming up?" 

The lieutenant manipulated the displays before nodding.

"Yeah, an old Eldfell-Ashland compound." Checking there were no enemies nearby, the N7 pulled the Mako to a halt so she could take a look. 

Birds eye views couldn't tell you everything but it looked like a pretty sturdy gatehouse would be blocking their way in a few minutes and she couldn't imagine the geth not mounting some kind of defense there.

"Alright I'm gonna scout ahead. Vakarian, Williams with me." She said decisively, standing up and unholstering her rifle. "Alenko you've got the wheel, Wrex the guns. Tali reckon you can handle the HUDs?" 

The quarian nodded. 

"Good. Advance up to the last bend but don't pass it until you get my signal. Oh and be careful, don't damage my baby."

...

Shepard lay prone on the mountainside, eye to the scope of her sniper rifle as she made note of the enemy positions below. Garrus and Ash doing the same from similar but different locations. 

The three heavy turrets planted outside the shuttered gate were enough on their own to make the N7 glad of her decision to scout ahead. Even the Mako's shields wouldn't last long under a sustained barrage from multiple anti-tank missiles.

Of course if she'd stumbled upon them without warning, with only seconds to react, she may well have maneuvered the IFV down the narrow opening on the right to avoid the devastating firepower.

From her current position she could clearly see the trap that would have led her into, another turret covering the escape route. 

Reversing back into cover would lead to them being pinned down, guns locked on to the edges of the cover on both sides and prepared to fire the moment the vehicle reappeared. The Mako's own weapons too far back on the hull to be able to get a line of sight until half the vehicle was exposed and under fire.

She would undoubtedly have come up with some way to emerge victorious but it would have been messy and rushed. The chances of coming out completely unscathed rather slim as she reacted to events as they occurred. Never truly knowing what would happen next or what the extent of their opposition was. 

Fortunately she had cottoned on before things got that far and now had ample time to plan in advance.

It was a pity they weren't up against organics. If they were Shepard could have snuck down, silently dispatching the odd opponent with her combat knife while making her way through the compound to the controls, turning off the turrets or hacking their friend/foe identifiers so they turned on the enemy and opening up the gates to let the Mako in.

It was well within her skillset and there were more than enough gaps in the sentry positions to pull it off. 

Unfortunately the geth's networked intelligence prohibited any chance of a stealthy approach. As soon as she took down the first unit, the others would all know. 

Instead they would have to strike hard and fast. Taking out as many of the enemy as they could as quickly as possible.

The juggernaut was the deadliest foe but it was also the best defended. It wouldn't be going down quickly so she begrudgingly resigned the heavy hitter to last. 

She assigned Ashley the standard trooper, while she and Garrus would tag team the rocket trooper. Shepard shooting first with disruptor ammo to bring down its shields enabling the turian to finish it with armour piercing rounds.

In order to prevent their rifles overheating they would then take a moment to throw grenades and overloads at the automated turret that would undoubtedly be searching for them by now, seeking to weaken it for the incoming second team. 

Kaiden would drive straight for the gap in the rock instead of wasting time and energy facing off against the triple guns at the gate.

Aggressive driving, combined with already knowing the layout, should help the shields hold out long enough for Wrex to open up with the Mako's canon and destroy the turret. Meanwhile the snipers would turn back to their secondary targets of a geth destroyer and shock trooper. 

Once they were down everybody would finally be free to focus on the juggernaut.

There was a lot of opportunity for things to go wrong and timing would be crucial, but after running through alternatives and contingencies in her head, the N7 decided it was the best plan they had and filled the rest of the squad in, making certain they all knew exactly what was required of them when.

With the exception of an extra rocket trooper coming out of the gatehouse, the plan went off without a hitch. The only damage the team sustained being to their shields. 

Leaving Garrus to cover them from his perch on high ground, Nikki and Ash swept through the handful of buildings in the compound, clearing them all before hitting the switch on the gate controls. Everyone climbed back into the Mako so they could carry on their merry way.

The commander made sure to reclaim her driving seat but she allowed Tali to keep monitoring the HUDs, Kaiden keeping an eye over her shoulder to pass on any tips or draw attention to anything the quarian missed. 

Tali was not only a quick learner but a natural with anything technology orientated and Shepard was pleased to have more than one person capable of filling each role in the vehicle. 

The krogan and the gunnery chief were quite content to argue over who got to play with the big guns and according to their service records both Alenko and Vakarian were trained in evasive driving in normal, zero and plus G gravity. 

Although admittedly neither of them would get the chance while she was in the Mako.

Despite more geth trying to get in their way, they made good time as they drove towards the navpoint for the strange signal. Around bends in tunnels, behind barricades, or just out in the open on top of hills, it mattered not; all foes fell to the might of the Mako's firepower.

Well... excepting the units that fell beneath their wheels instead.

All good things must come to an end however and eventually a rockfall too narrow for the IFV to pass through forced the whole squad to disembark and carry on on foot. Shepard first making sure to mark the vehicle's position on her nav.

They advanced, spread out so they couldn't all be taken out by a solitary rocket blast. Running from cover to cover and disposing of any enemies they came across on the way. 

The red light of a targeting laser gave Shepard a split moment's warning before a high velocity shot passed through her shields and tech armour, ending as a dent in her ceramic plating. 

Without the prototype technology it probably would have torn right through her flesh, and if she hadn't instinctively moved when she saw the red dot it would have hit a vital organ instead of the shoulder that would now be badly bruised tonight.

To her surprise, Kaiden enveloped her in a secondary barrier to help protect her while her shields recharged and she nodded a heartfelt thanks to him while Garrus lined up his own shot on the geth sniper.

Even from a distance they saw the robot fall from the tall tower. 

Nothing else could even slow them down after that, not until they made it up the slope and approached the mine. 

The whine of a geth ship overhead had them all scattering for cover as more snipers landed alongside a colossus and something not even Tali recognised.

"Leave the colossus til last, concentrate fire on one or two units at a time. Everything we take out diminishes the combined intelligence of the whole squad." Shepard ordered as she threw an overload followed by a grenade at one of the snipers. 

Wrex finished it off with a shotgun blast and she switched targets, rapidly generating a miniature scrap heap until only two hostiles were left. 

"Stay still you little fucker!"

...

Shepard debated leaving the snipers on overwatch outside the mine, keeping an eye on their escape route and making sure nothing snuck up behind them.

It was a sensible precaution and an N7 plus krogan with two more people as backup ought to be more than enough to handle whatever was still waiting for them in the bowels of the earth.

Unfortunately it was clear Williams was beginning to flag in the heat and she didn't want to leave Garrus on his own without support. There'd be no point leaving someone who used a shorter range weapon and to top it all off if the geth used their jamming technology again then there was a chance she'd never receive the attempted warnings anyway.

Instead she had everybody pair up. Not liking the tight confines and lack of cover in the narrow tunnel, she insisted on 25 metres between each fire team to prevent clustering together within grenade radius, Alenko and Vakarian at the back tasked with watching the rear. 

A minor skirmish just as the tunnel widened into a cavern was barely worthy of the term. Her and Wrex terminating the hostiles before the next team even reached their position.

The next tactical decision came at the elevators, they  _ could _ have all squeezed in together but that would have been the height of stupidity should anything be waiting to ambush them at the bottom. The people closest the door blocking the line of fire of the people at the back. Dismissing that non-option, she rode down first with Wrex and Williams; all three of them with their shotguns ready.

It was all clear as they emerged, but the lesson she'd been drumming in to their skulls during transit about always maintaining 360 degree security even after clearing a location was proven essential as several drones rose up from below them. 

They opened fire almost immediately but still weren't quick enough to beat the loud retort from a sniper rifle as Garrus picked one off from the level above.

Targets neutralised, team two followed them down before they all moved to the second elevator planning on repeating the procedure.

The plan went to the wayside as the elevator screeched to a premature halt with sparks flying. 

Updating the others through comms, Shepard dropped the short gap down to the floor, discovering a blue barrier on her left, an asari hovering in a crucifixion pose on the other side. A quick check against the mental photo she'd memorised confirmed the identity as Dr T'Soni, but she ignored the archaeologist's cries for help a moment as she swept for hostiles. 

This time she didn't need to order her squad, Ash and Wrex automatically taking up position to cover her as she finally approached Liara for a chat.

"Can you believe it? Geth outside the veil?" 

Nikki's sarcastic comment of: 'really? I hadn't noticed' was bitten back in favour of a more professional response as she quizzed the young maiden, paying close attention to her reactions throughout. 

They'd just gotten to the part about impenetrable prothean barrier curtains and how to get past them when she was interrupted by a shout from above.

"Commander, you've got incoming!" 

Shepard flashed a grin at the trapped asari as she traded her shotgun for an assault rifle and headed towards the fighting, calling over her shoulder:

"Don't move, I'll be back in a jiffy." 

She fully expected an irritated, scornful remark about not being able to move but instead the asari merely asked in utter bewilderment:

"What's a jiffy?"

...

It was absolutely nerve-racking waiting for the strange human in black armour with the striped arm to reappear. Not long after she'd vanished from sight Liara saw another human and a quarian of all things scramble down from the ruined elevator. 

They didn't speak to her as they hurried past, only glancing at her in so much as it was part of their sweep of the room. They disappeared as well, the sounds of gunfire the only proof of their existence. 

Suddenly the cacophony of battle ceased. 

The silence might have lasted seconds or hours, Liara honestly couldn't tell, but it was drawn out long enough for her to start wondering whether the strangers had survived.

Her hearing strained for the slightest sound, which only led to a sensory overload when there was a sudden beam of light and an almighty explosion, followed by the sound of falling rocks.

"Really Shepard?" Called a flanging voice and then, from the same direction as everybody else had appeared, a turian dropped to the ground, standing up straight with a sniper rifle attached to his back and an assault rifle carried casually in his arms. 

Unlike the others he did actually look at her as he strolled past, mandibles flicking in amusement, then he too was gone. 

Another eternity of silence passed with nothing to look at but the prothean barrier and then she became aware of noises behind her. 

She tried but failed to face them, finally calling out for information.

"Hang on just a little longer doc, almost with you." Called the Alliance commander and Liara swore she could  _ hear _ a smirk in the voice. Any further queries were cut off as the containment field she was trapped in powered down and she landed on the floor in a heap. "Sorry."

There was the barest hint of a repressed chuckle but it didn't sound malignant and Liara looked up to find a red and white striped arm reaching down to help her up. Her eyes followed the stripe up until it reached a face, sure enough the lips were curled up in a grin, the eyes above a warm swirling pool of brown.

"You ok?" A soft voice asked in concern and the asari nodded.

"Yes. I... How did you get past the barrier? It's supposed to be impenetrable." 

The eyes sparkled with mirth, the grin turning lopsided as the human gave a half shrug claiming: "I pushed some buttons." 

There was a rumbling chuckle and Liara finally managed to focus behind the human, seeing the unusual squad made up of a mixture of other races. The human male didn't seem particularly pleased for some reason but the rest seemed to be composed of a mix of wariness and amusement. The giant krogan definitely falling into the later category.

"Yeah, 'buttons'... on a mining laser!"

"Oh please, like any of you had a better plan." The commander scoffed but Liara found her attention snapping to a distant rumbling sound.

"Oh no, this entire area is known for seismic activity. We need to get out of here!"

"Great plan. After you." The stripe pointed over to the rest of the squad and the asari hustled to join the aliens on the much sleeker prothean lift. 

As it rose, her translator picked up one half of a frantic conversation between the leader and some kind of...  _ comedian? _

Just as Liara finally started to believe that she might just get out of this mess alive their escape route was blocked by more geth and a krogan, demanding her strange saviours hand her over. With a fast approaching stream of molten lava behind them, it seemed like a foregone conclusion what would happen next. 

She was immensely shocked therefore when instead the commander pulled her protectively behind her, other hand bringing up her sidearm as she declared: "She'll stay with us thanks."

Liara was too busy sitting underneath a personal barrier in a puddle of bewilderment to pay much attention to the fight, but suddenly she was pulled to her feet and urged to run. 

She followed the simple instruction to the best of her ability only to find herself stumbling over a rock and crashing painfully to the ground. 

She looked up as the others careened past her, their own survival instinct overruling any sense of compassion for her plight.

Maybe it wasn't a lack of compassion after all but simply that they didn't see her, considering how the last figure suddenly doubled back pulling her up and before she could protest slinging her over their shoulders like a sack of vegetables, resuming their run at a far faster pace then she had been moving at before her fall. 

Bright sunlight pricked her eyes as they emerged outside and she didn't even get a proper look at the ship before they were up the ramp and she was carefully deposited on the floor.

...

Shepard glanced around the cargo hold as she put down the archaeologist, making sure everyone was accounted for. She was breathing heavily but still considered it a win that she wasn't doubled over on the floor like most her squad.

Satisfied they were all present and correct, she activated her omni-tool, sending Joker a set of co-ordinates and verbally ordering him to "GO!" 

The fact that she didn't get any witty comeback regarding the use of words like 'please' and 'thank you' proved the seriousness of their situation.

"Alright everyone, good job. Debrief in thirty minutes. Ash can you show Dr T'Soni to the medbay please? I don't know how long you were trapped down there doctor but I'd rather not risk you passing out in the corridors. I'll feel much happier after my ship's medical officer gives you a clean bill of health. Ash, tell Doctor Chakwas I'd like T'Soni at the debrief if at all possible but I can send her back afterwards if needs be."

Nikki waited until the elevator door shut behind the women before turning to the rest of the team. 

"Kaiden, Garrus, I want you to keep an eye on her. Subtly. My gut says we can trust her but I don't want to risk being blindsided before we know for sure." 

They nodded and went to the lockers to put away their combat gear. Shepard waited a little longer, staying by the door in her armour until Joker informed her they'd reached her navpoint.

The ramp opened once more and she darted back outside into Therum's heat. 

Erupting volcano or no, she wasn't leaving her darling Mako behind.


	6. Chapter 6

"Was it really necessary to destroy those prothean ruins Commander?" The turian councillor's voice dripped with disdain and Shepard was forced to bite her tongue.

It took a tremendous amount of energy and will power to keep both her face and voice neutral as her inner brain snarked:  _ I don't know, was it necessary for Saren to destroy that eezo refinery and blame it on Anderson? At least  _ **_my_ ** _ explosion didn't result in hundreds of civilian deaths. _

"I'm afraid so Councillor, I assure you the alternative was far worse." Her voice remained professional, no trace of emotion betraying her and the salarian jumped metaphorically to her defense. Even if he managed to sound rather condescending towards her as he did so. 

After ripping every single one of her decisions to shreds from the safety and comfort of their ivory tower, despite the fact that she'd successfully fulfilled the mission objectives with absolutely sod all help or guidance on their behalf, the council finally terminated the call, leaving an absolutely fuming commander in their wake.

She knew she should check in on Dr T'Soni to make sure she was settling in, Chakwas had sent a report confirming the asari was physically ok, but it would still be better if she checked on her in person. It would help put the archaeologist at ease and assure her that she had her welfare at heart. 

Unfortunately, after that call with the council, she didn't think she had the patience to deal with any more civilians. 

Well... there was one civilian she was always willing to deal with, but a quick glance at the time on her omni-tool was enough to see that Trish would be asleep. 

Much as she might want to vent about her new bosses, that particular form of stress relief wasn't available right now and it probably wouldn't do crew morale much good if she headed straight from the comm room to the punch bag.

An alternative solution presented itself as she remembered how the mako's steering had been getting a little ropey towards the end of the mission. It was her own fault for letting someone else drive really. 

Or maybe it was the several rounds of demolition derby she had played against the geth?

It was hard to be sure. 

Either way, tinkering with the mako would help calm her down while also looking like work to the rest of the crew. 

Even the thought was relaxing and she hummed slightly in the lift on her way down. Her good mood lasted until the doors opened and she got her first look at the cargo bay. 

The mako was already up on the ramp and while she'd have to get closer for a more accurate diagnostic… it was clear even from a distance that at least one wheel had been taken off.

"What the-  **Who the fuck's been messing around with my Mako!?"**

"Uh, that would be me Commander." A flanged voice answered as Garrus emerged from the safety of the other side of the IFV and directly into the line of fire of her furious glare. "It looked like she was pulling a little to the left down there and I thought someone should take a look."

"And you didn't think to ask for permission first?"

"I did ma'am. I checked with Chief Williams. She said I better know what I'm doing but that us aliens were unrestricted so I could knock myself out." 

Shepard barely bit back a groan as she recalled her off the record chat with Ashley. Right now she couldn't decide if the younger marine had taken her message to heart or had switched to passive aggressive belligerence and decided to follow her words to the letter to instigate this very situation in an attempt to prove her original point and sow discord between the spectre and the ship's sole turian. 

"The guide to human idioms pamphlet at C-Sec said 'knock yourself out' meant 'go ahead' so I thought-... I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't mean to do anything wrong." 

Nikki sighed.

"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. The Chief's been in the Alliance a long time but only joined my command recently. I usually prefer to take care of the ground vehicles myself while most officers wouldn't be caught dead with a wrench in their hand. Why don't you walk me through everything you've done. Fair warning though, if you've used any omni-gel I'll make you wish you were never born." 

The former C-Sec officer's mandibles flared in surprise.

"I thought you humans loved that stuff? That's one of the reasons I volunteered my services, I didn't want to be riding around in a vehicle held together by putty and prayer." 

Shepard's lip twitched minutely in controlled amusement, her unease partially sated by that statement and she further relaxed as she examined his work with a critical eye.

"Not bad Vakarian. Not bad at all. Sorry for shouting at you earlier."

"That's alright, I probably should have checked with you first rather than the nearest available Alliance personnel. Also ah, don't take this the wrong way but once I've finished with repairs I think I could make some improvements to the vehicle's overall performance. The fuel injector for example, I'm confident I could improve its efficiency by 2.8%" 

The commander shook her head and for a moment Garrus thought he'd pushed his luck too far until he saw the faintest trace of a smile on her face.

"The fuel injector huh? I've not had a chance to fiddle with that yet, it's still Vancouver depot grade and that's only one step above factory grade. I should be able to improve it by at least 3.69%" 

The turian stared at her incredulously.

"3.69%? That's not possible. How?" Shepard chuckled.

"Oh ye of little faith. Come over here, let me show you."

...

"So, Therum huh? Please tell me you weren't anywhere near that volcanic eruption?" Trish asked casually a day later as she answered the call and Nikki froze.

"Uh... What volcano and how do you know where I am?"

"The volcano that somehow managed to erupt approximately seven hours after your ship arrived on Therum and fifteen minutes before you left orbit. As for how I know, I set up a data feed using the search terms 'Commander Shepard', 'Spectre Shepard' and 'SSV Normandy', you'd be amazed how many articles there are out there on you." 

The spectre groaned. 

"If it makes you feel better none of the reputable news agencies have published anything about Therum yet. I found that out from the extranet site: Spectre sightings."

"You're joking? Please tell me you're kidding, that can't be a real thing."

"Afraid so. Apparently Jondum Bau was last spotted food shopping in a mall on Mannovai seventy-nine minutes ago and Avitus Rix was chasing a drell and an elcor down an alleyway on Omega yesterday at 10:27."

"Really? Hmm, don't suppose there's been any recent sightings of Saren on there?"

"Multiple actually. However, considering he was spotted on Omega, Illium _and_ Palaven all within twenty minutes of each other I'm pretty sure most of them are bogus. It's possible one of them may be genuine but there's too much misinformation to be able to find out which. Also I'm highly aware that you haven't answered my question about the volcano yet."

"That's because I'm still trying to work out how to answer without you threatening to kill me." 

It was Trish's turn to groan.

"I knew it! It was too much of a coincidence, I just knew you were somewhere nearby."

"Less nearby, more... inside... Are you angry babe?"

"I wish I was angry. At this point I'm more sort of resigned. I had a feeling you would be there. I just think 'where's the most dangerous place right now and what's the stupidest thing you could be doing' and lo and behold, there you are."

"Aww come on babe, that's not fair! If that were true I'd have been toasting marshmallows on the lava." 

Trish snorted involuntarily at the mental picture.

"Yeah that's totally something I can imagine you trying to do. Why didn't you?"

"Well, I  _ was _ rather busy trying to outrun a volcanic eruption... but mainly it was because I didn't have any marshmallows." 

Trish laughed.

"Idiot."

"Yeah, but I'm your idiot."

"That you are. Just remember I like my idiot whole and in one piece."

"Hey, I am in one piece! I've still got all my fingers and toes." 

Trish raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Well... the same number I had at the start of the year anyway." Nick quickly amended.


	7. Chapter 7

Nikki had just taken her seat in the mess, first forkful of the Alliance's dubitable interpretation of 'stew' still en route to her mouth when the call came. Forcing her to abandon her meal and head for the CIC.

"Alright what've we got?" She demanded as she took her place by the galaxy map. Casually noting how it was already zoomed in on their current star system, along with the little flashing ident that informed her they were in stealth mode.

"We're picking up an automated distress beacon from the planet's surface." The planet in question glowed on the display. "Not registering any ships on scan but they could be using the other planets as a shield."

She nodded her understanding, if there were no ships in orbit there were only three likely scenarios: they were too late to help, the beacon was from a ship that suffered damage and had to land, or it was an ambush.

"How long will it take us to get there?"

"Four hours at FTL or five days at standard." They couldn't maintain stealth at Faster-than-light speeds but then the IES system's heat sinks wouldn't last for five days without venting any way. Not to mention that if it was a genuine distress call, the people on the other end might not be able to wait that long.

"Ok, on my mark vent the heat sinks and jump to FTL. Adams, I know your department's going to be busy but your team plus Miss Zorah have just over three hours to make me some kind of deployable buoy that will emit readings consistent with a ship at full stop. If someone is waiting then simply vanishing will put them on high alert. We'll launch decoy on arrival and re-stealth to a new location. If it's not possible let me know ASAP."

"Aye aye ma'am, thought you'd never ask." The response from engineering was in the tones of someone who already had at least half a plan and was merely waiting for permission to get started.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, she reminded herself. Anderson did hand pick the crew after all and he had an eye for talent.

"Pressly, I'm thinking here and here, any objections?" 

The navigator analysed her choices on the map, aware that she wasn't just asking about the co-ordinates. While she had the superior rank, he had more experience in ship side operations and combat. Her area of expertise being on the ground, or water, or... Well, anything  _ except _ ship-on-ship space combat really. 

Point was, if she made a blunder, she'd rather know in the planning stages rather than when it was too late.

"Looks good ma'am."

"Ok, everybody know what they're doing? If you've got any questions or objections now's the time." 

There was relative silence except for a few 'understood ma'am's then a voice radiated from the cockpit: "Commander, where do babies-"

"Finish that Joker and I'll let Crossfield take the helm. Anybody else? Ok then, venting heat sinks in three, two, one, mark."

...

They had been lucky on Therum. Nobody suffering anything worse than cuts and bruises. 

That, combined with Shepard feeling comfortable enough about Liara's sincerity and intentions to be willing to leave the young asari to pick through the accumulated notes of her life's work on the Normandy without the need of a guard, meant that they had the same team as before.

The mako dropped with far less fanfare this time round, with everybody now knowing what to expect. A brief: 'everyone still breathing?' and their acknowledgements the sole chatter before Shepard drove off, aiming for the beacon's signal.

...

Without warning the mako suddenly slammed to a halt as they crested a slope, the valley laid out before them in all its gory glory. 

Shepard had long ago mastered the art of recognising a flashback and grounding herself before it could pull her in too deep, but it was a hell of a lot harder when all her senses were returning nearly identical results as on that distant, fateful day.

She concentrated on the slight differences. 

The sound of Tali's quiet, but slightly shy of silent, filtration system as it worked constantly to provide the quarian with safe air. 

The smell of stagnant sweat inside the mako. Admittedly there had been plenty of perspiration last time round, but none had had that musky undertone of a krogan slowly being boiled inside a tin can. 

Despite her best efforts, the sight before her remained unchanged.

"Wrex, does this look like what I think it looks like to you?"

The clipped, controlled tone of voice clued the big krogan in on what he was likely to find even before he maneuvered around the cramped interior so he could see out.

"Yeah, that's maw territory alright... So, what now? We heading back to the ship?" 

He watched the team's reactions to his assessment, most of them were clearly uneasy at the prospect of facing one of the legendary beasts. They didn't truly understand what they were up against though. To them it was just some creature from a horror vid. 

The commander knew the truth however. They'd talked about it often enough in the cargo hold, the human determined to learn as much as she possibly could about the creatures. Then again, even if they hadn't, he would have been able to tell from the look in her eye right now. 

It was the same look he'd seen in asari huntresses: haunted, slightly scared, but determined as hell and he knew her answer a full two seconds before she shook her head grimly.

"Still got to disable that beacon before someone else tries to answer the distress call. At least we know what we're getting into." The smile on her face when she turned to face him was wry, but at least it wasn't manic as she asked: "Fancy a walk big guy?" 

He nodded, thankful that her prohibition on him using his Graal spike thrower on anything organic hadn't gone as far as banning him from storing it in the mako. He pulled it out from storage now as he checked:

"Sure, as long as I can bring this?"

"You're  **_definitely_ ** bringing that." She growled before turning to face the others. She was silent for a moment as she mentally ran through their files, working out the best positions for them all. 

"Ok people, this ain't going to be easy. Tali, Ash stay where you are. Don't even bother trying to keep an eye on the shields though Tali, you could have a hole clear through both sides of the armour and still have ninety percent plus shielding. Focus on the radar and letting everybody know where the enemy is, it'll keep diving underground and resurfacing somewhere else. Kaiden you get to drive. Stay on the slope, to the best of my knowledge maws usually only ever surface on flat ground." 

She glanced to Wrex for confirmation and got a nod.

"That doesn't mean you're going to be safe though, the range on their acid is at least a hundred and twenty metres, probably more. Nobody's ever had time to measure it exactly. You've got to constantly twist and turn, stay random. Maws may be monsters but they're not stupid. You develop even the slightest hint of a pattern the bastards will work it out and learn to anticipate your moves." 

Kaiden nodded his understanding, although Shepard wasn't entirely sure anyone could truly understand until they had actually tried to outmaneuver a thresher maw.

She'd feel more comfortable if she was driving but she wasn't about to order anybody to do what she was about to. Oh sure Wrex was coming too, but she wouldn't have forced him to if he'd said no, and he was the only one other than her who had experience with this. 

She took a deep breath before turning to the final member of the team.

"Garrus, if you're willing I'd like you and your rifle outside the Mako. Make sure you're at least two hundred metres away from the nearest flat ground at all times and focus on the weak spots. Wrex you got any photos of maws? Would save me time trying to access the extranet." 

He activated his omni-tool passing it over to her and she chuckled slightly at the picture, the much younger warrior in it clearly the same krogan despite having far less scars. 

"Typical."

"What? You're telling me you never took a victory photo?"

"I was a bit preoccupied trying to find a way off world." 

He made a noise of disbelieve but dropped the subject as she started to point out the weak spots to the rest of the team, only speaking again to point out one that she'd missed.

Eventually they were as prepared as they could be and he disembarked from the vehicle with the commander. Before the door closed she gave some final instructions:

"No matter what happens you don't stop on flat ground, even if you think we need extraction, you stay away. And if Wrex gives you an order you don't question it and you don't hesitate. Consider him second in command until we get back to the Normandy." 

The mako shot off, skirting the edge of the valley to drop off Garrus on the other side and they started the short walk down to the beacon that seemed to stretch out for an eternity.

"So... No advice for me?" Wrex asked, breaking the silence. 

Except it hadn't been silent. Not to him. 

He had been painfully aware of the human's deliberately controlled breathing. 

He knew the amount of concentration and effort she was expending to keep it that way instead of allowing her breath to run ragged like her racing heart.

Knew that no matter how imaginative the rest of the squad may be, whatever they envisioned the next few minutes going like, was nothing compared to the horrors the woman next to him was likely remembering. 

He wasn't really expecting any advice. They both knew he had more experience than her, but she turned to him anyway and offered:

"Don't let it spit on you, it fucking hurts!" 

He chuckled, debating with himself for a moment before deciding that in his limited knowledge and experience of humans they seemed closer mentally to asari than krogan and asking:

"Are you sure you want to do this? I can disable the beacon." 

She shook her head determinably.

"Got to do it." 

_ Ok, not like asari, more like turians with that damn sense of duty, _ he mused. 

He considered protesting and pointing out again how he was quite capable of turning off a transmitter. Then he got another look at her face and he realised the real meaning behind her words. 

This wasn't about the mission objectives, or keeping up appearances in front of her crew. This was something she had to do for herself. He shut up, resolving to watch her back and see she made it through. 

After all, if the human spectre died, who knew how long it would be before someone else in a position of power was willing to take a chance on the krogan.

...

Nikki let out the breath she'd been holding as she shut down the beacon and it finally stopped transmitting. Glancing around at the still peaceful valley. 

Well, peaceful if you ignored the sight of the dead marines and the stench of rotting flesh and thresher acid anyway. 

It was certainly still and quiet though. 

She could see the mako up on the distant ridge, sticking to sloped ground like she'd instructed. Closer by was Wrex, scanning the surroundings with casual ease as he stood relatively nearby, yet far enough away that if a thresher did strike at them it wouldn't be able to get both of them in a single hit.

Still a sense of unease prevailed as she started the grim task of collecting dog tags, and it wasn't merely from the thought of coming up against another acid worm after all these years. 

No, the whole situation was wrong. 

The beacon was a civilian model. That meant the marines hadn't been the ones to activate it but rather were answering it. 

Only there was no colony on Edolus. 

No mining crews or pioneer teams. 

No sign of a crashed ship or any other explanation for who could have set it up in the middle of nowhere and why.

_ Speaking of ships, where was the marines'? _ They had to have got to the planet somehow, they didn't just magically spawn down here. Yet there was no ship in orbit and no wreckage on land. 

Even if it had left to report back to the fleet, Alliance protocol dictated they should have left a beacon in orbit transmitting a 'do not land' advisory notice. 

The whole thing was highly suspicious but she didn't have time to dwell on it further as a faint tremor spread under ground.

Despite the years since she last felt it, there was no mistaking what it was, and adrenaline flooded her veins in preparation for her imminent need to run. 

The running she should in fact already be doing. 

She knew perfectly well she needed to be running. It was actually a rather integral part of the plan to stay alive. So why the fuck was she still rooted to the spot?

"Maw inbound!" Wrex bellowed into the comms, a warning to the Mako crew that she was supposed to have issued.

The vehicle in the distance instantly started moving. Shepard still did not. 

The thresher erupted from the ground about a hundred metres away from her position and Wrex cursed himself for letting her enter the valley. 

He'd known damn it! Asari or human, it made no difference. The squishy species were always the same. 

He was debating whether knocking her out the way with his biotics if the maw focused on her would be more or less dangerous for her health when she finally sprung to life. Opening fire with her assault rifle and zigzagging away.

The krogan breathed a sigh of relief and focused on the fight.

...

_ "Shitting sake Shep! You trying to kill us before the worm can?" Badger demanded as she narrowly avoided the burnt out remains of half a Grizzly that she swore hadn't been there a second ago despite the fact it must have been. Their's was the only IFV still moving after all. _

_ "Shut up and shoot the bastard!" She shouted back as the monster in question resurfaced a mere sixty metres away on their one o'clock and she sharply twisted the steering wheel to change direction. _

_ "Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? Any other advice?!" _

Nikki inhaled deeply, the familiar aroma of strawberry and chamomile tea helping to bring her back out of the memory. She stared blankly for a moment at the orange screen of her personal computer and the half typed mission report for Alliance brass.

She still couldn't believe they had made it through today without a single casualty. No deaths and not even any injuries. She wasn't sure she'd ever read a report of a thresher attack with less than two deaths in it. 

Of course, she'd never got to read any krogan after action reports, maybe that's all it took to have success. The secret anti-thresher weapon galactic civilizations had been trying to develop for centuries. 

She took a sip of tea, dimly noting how the previously scorching liquid was now only lukewarm as she read back what she'd written so far.

_ "This one's had it too." The mechanic kicked frustratedly at what on first glance had been one of the more promising looking vehicles. "Fuck, I don't know if I can fix any of these." _

_ "Hey, you can fix anything." Badger encouraged and she scoffed, running a hand through her short hair. _

_ "Sure, give me a couple weeks and a proper workshop maybe, but here? Now?" She sighed deeply. "The gun's good at least. Strip it off and when I find something I can make move we'll jury rig it on, solve that problem with cooling times we had earlier."  _

_ Badger nodded as she let her eyes roam across the battlefield, finally landing on a vehicle on the outer limits of the valley floor. _

_ "I'm gonna check that one out. Radio if you need me." _

The tea was definitely cold now as Shepard took another sip and she debated whether or not to get a fresh cup. It didn't seem to be as effective as usual but maybe a different flavour would work.

She should be glad, proud even, of her squad's success today. 

Certainly there was a celebratory mood among the rest of the ground team. One that seemed to have infected large chunks of the ship side crew as well. 

She could hardly blame them. 

They'd emerged victorious against an enemy that routinely destroyed forces ten times bigger than them and with centuries more experience. 

Escaped unscathed from the jaws of nearly certain death.

It was the simple joy of being alive. 

She should feel good about beating the old foe so decisively. 

Instead her mind kept drifting back to her first encounter with the monsters. 

_ If it had been that easy today, why couldn't she save anybody last time? _

Logically and rationally she knew the answer of course. Unfortunately that didn't stop the maudlin feeling that had overcome her. 

She'd cited paperwork as an excuse to seclude herself in her cabin, not wanting to put a dampener on everyone else's well deserved frivolities, but truthfully she wasn't getting very far with it.

She couldn't go back outside though, not yet. 

Someone was bound to notice her despondent attitude and she really didn't feel like talking. Not to anybody onboard ship any way.

Her hand hovered over her omni-tool and she found herself subconsciously speed dialing the only person she didn't want to shut out right now.

"Hngh, Nick? You alright?" A bleary looking Trish answered the call and Shepard mentally cursed herself for not checking the time before calling.

"Yeah I'm alright. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. What time is it over there?" 

Trish glanced around the room in all directions before declaring: "Dark. It's dark time."

Nikki couldn't help chuckling, apparently her genius girlfriend was too tired to remember that the omni-tool they were communicating with also had a clock function.

"Go back to sleep babe, I'll call you when it's light time." 

Trish nodded, curling back up under the duvet.

"Night Nick, love you."

"Love you too babe." She disconnected the call, the momentary lightness in her chest fading the moment she glanced back at her desk and she sighed. She  **_really_ ** needed to finish that damned report. 

Before she could unlock the timed out screen however, her omni-tool vibrated on her wrist and she looked down to see an incoming vid call. She hit the accept button.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" Trish still looked tired, messy bed hair only one of many indicators, but her eyes were slightly more alert and it was evident her brain had just woken up.

"Nothing, it's alright. I just forgot to check the time. We can talk later, get some rest." 

Trish shook her head, disbelievingly.

"You don't 'just' forget things like that unless something's on your mind. Look… I'm awake now sweetie. Either you can talk to me about whatever you needed to call me about, or I lay awake the rest of the night anyway. Overthinking everything it could possibly be."

"Sorry. It's... My brain's just being stupid again is all. I wanted a distraction. Don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight."

"Want me to sing you a lullaby? Read a bedtime story." There was a slight teasing tone in Trish's voice but it wasn't anything malicious and Nick got the feeling that if she said yes, her girlfriend probably would.

Not that Nikki ever would say yes. She might act like a kid sometimes but that didn't mean she wanted to be treated like one. The offer still warmed her heart though.

"Correction, I don't think I  _ want _ to get any sleep tonight." 

Trish, bless her, immediately got the distinction.

"You got any kind of preference for what kind of distraction you want?" 

Nick shrugged.

"I hadn't thought that far ahead... Anything interesting happening back home?"

There were a few things. Some of them not mentionable enough to serve as a distraction and others that would just piss the soldier off for one reason or another. Trish took a second to decide on the best topic.

"Hmm, Ben's got a new girlfriend. Well... old girlfriend. Do you remember Chantel?"

"Chantel, Chantel..." Nikki had to think about it. "I swear he's had more girlfriends since we moved in than I've had promotions in my whole life. Was that the blond or the red head?"

"The blond."

"Really? The man's an idiot! I honestly don't know what he sees in her."

"I can think of a couple of things." Trish said suggestively and Nikki snorted.

"The only thing faker than her tits is her personality!"

"Now that's not very nice." Trish stated, although she didn't sound particularly upset.

"Hang on, isn't she the one who dumped him because he wouldn't give up all his friends and hobbies?"

"Maybe she's finally matured."

"Yeah right, she was a piece of work. I bet she's gone right past mature and straight into mouldy! What time is it over there? I should ring Ben up, tell him he's an idiot." 

Trish didn't bother answering the question. Even though her partner was grumbling she knew that (mad as it sounded) it was the right kind of grumbling.

"You can't just wish them luck and happiness?"

"Hey, I wish Ben all the happiness he can get, but I'm afraid I can't wish that cow anything more than a quick death."

"A quick death? That's really the best you can wish her? You can't wish her a happy birthday or something?"

"Hmm, I don't know... maybe leprosy?" They shared a chuckle despite the inappropriateness of the joke.

"So I guess this means you don't want me leaving Judy at Ben's house if I have to go on business trips anymore then?"

"I don't know, reckon we can train Jude to bite anything with a high silicone content?"

"Nikki!" Trish vehemently protested the idea until curiosity got the better of her. "How would we even do that?"

"I don't know, give me a couple minutes, I'm sure I'll think of something." 

Trish smiled as her partner started describing increasingly convoluted and dastardly plans to get their dog to attack breast implants. 

She was tired, she knew she'd struggle to get through work later today and she still had no idea what exactly triggered the need for this call in the first place, but despite all that, she didn't regret or begrudge it for a moment.


	8. Chapter 8

Nikki had thought Alenko and William's reaction to their first look at the Citadel and its fleets had been impressive, but it was nothing compared to Tali. 

Of course the young quarian had been  **_on_ ** the giant space station that made up the heart of galactic civilization before, but the first time she'd made the approach she had been paying off her passage by working away below decks and never actually  _ seen _ it.

Shepard hadn't said anything when she found out that little tidbit of information, simply made herself a silent promise. Oh, and checked with Adams to make sure he didn't assign Miss Zorah to any vital duties during the approach. 

The poor quarian didn't know what to expect when the commander's voice rang out over comms, ordering her to 'get your ass out of engineering and report to the bridge on the double!' Tali had appeared slightly out of breath and a little worried but Shepard had simply motioned to the cockpit window and instructed:

"Take a look." 

There was a moment of awed silence before an excited garble of Khelish rushed out, too fast for the Alliance translators to work. Nikki just laughed as she shared a glance with Joker. 

"I'm gonna assume that's good."

"It's... That's... Keelah..." Tali trailed off again, seemingly not knowing where to look, head tilting in all directions trying to follow the various ships passing by outside.

"I think you broke her." Joker quipped.

"Hmm, I think so too." Shepard mused when the quarian didn't respond. They smirked at each other before leaving Tali to her wonderment and concentrating on getting clearance to land from Citadel flight control. 

As Joker started his approach run, Shepard noticed something different to usual about their designated bay. Her fingers flew across the haptic interface, an eyebrow rising of its own accord as she accessed the camera feeds to get a closer look at their welcoming committee. 

"Isn't that..."

" **Shit!"** The two Alliance officers synchronised as the image of the man waiting for them became clear. 

Tali's startled 'what?' was ignored as the commander activated the ship wide comm system.

"All hands prepare for inspection, we've got the B.O.B inbound. I repeat, Bear of Bodom inbound." 

The ship broke into organised chaos as people scrambled to bring dozens of tiny extra details that were deigned relatively insignificant on a combat ready ship back in line with the more stringent regulations expected when in the vicinity of the Alliance brass. 

Shepard was only half joking when she asked: "I suppose it's too late to fake engine failure and emergency land in a different bay?"

"Afraid so."

"Thought as much... At least set the decontamination protocols in the airlock to max, that should give us a bit more time. I'll go out and greet him the moment we dock." Nikki sighed as she cast a critical eye over her uniform, making sure her insignia was straight. "Typical, the one day I'm not wearing my blues." 

There was a snort from the pilot beside her.

"Uh Commander? You hardly ever wear your blues."

"I do too." 

Joker didn't look convinced.

"When was the last time you wore dress uniform?" 

Nikki actually had to stop and think a moment.

"Anderson made me wear it for the meeting with the Ambassador." 

The pilot smirked victoriously. 

"What? Have you tried quick changing into combat armour from dress blues? The no.4 uniform is so much more practical. Oh, stop it before I write you up for something. That grin's got to be against regulations."

...

"Well that wasn't so bad." Shepard opined as they watched the departing elevator carry Rear Admiral Mikhailovich away from their presence and waited on the next one. Her comrades looked positively shocked by her assessment and erupted into expressions of their dissent.

"You're kidding?!"

"He asked if you knew what colour your blood ran?"

"How can you stand that? He ripped your whole ship to shreds."

"No he didn't. Not one complaint about cleanliness or discipline or any infractions of the regs. Well, other than checking whether or not Joker had permission to stop shaving. Instead he criticizes the layout of the CIC. What does he want me to say? 'Yes Sir, terrible that Sir, I'll rip out the entirety of the CIC and overhaul her to an Alliance layout right away Sir'." 

She'd been polite and professional, refusing to rise to the Admiral's baiting throughout the inspection, but now he was gone she finally gave voice to her frustration and sarcasm. 

There were chuckles from the civilian crew members, but the Alliance squadmates and hierarchy trained turian managed to repress their signs of amusement down to a twitch of the lips and mandibles respectively. 

"That'll be a fine use of Alliance funds that will, scrapping a brand new and perfectly functionary frigate that cost as much as a heavy cruiser. He's just upset he can't get his own paws, claws, 'whatever' on the Normandy. As for my blood... It happens to be red. Same colour as quarians and batarians."

"And humanity wonders where their reputation as bullies comes from. Are all Alliance admirals that bigoted?" Liara asked as the elevator finally arrived and they all squeezed inside.

"No. Drescher and Hackett are both good and I've heard decent things about Kahoku. Never met Lindholm or Singh, so don't know about them. Ahern's got something of a grudge against turians but he has more cause than most and even he understands the benefits of a professional working relationship and is willing to train beside them and admit when they get something right." 

Shepard trailed off as the lift reached their departure point, internally groaning as she caught sight of a camera drone on the other side of the doors.

"Really? I am  **_so_ ** not in the mood for this right now. Alright, everyone dismissed. Get away while you still can. No point us all wasting our shore leave. If you don't hear from me in fifteen minutes please, for the love of all that is holy, someone call me with an emergency."

"Commander Shepard? Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News." The cry came as soon as the elevator door opened, the camera swooping towards her. "Would you answer a few questions for our viewers?"

_ I'd rather chew my own arm off, _ she thought bitterly as the rest of the team followed her instructions and discreetly scarpered.

Unfortunately the flashing light indicated the camera was already recording so she had little choice but to stand at ease and call up the same parade ground patience she'd had to use when dealing with Mikhailovich earlier. 

Although this time she had the added disadvantage of having to ignore the inappropriate part of her brain singing 'Kidnap the Sandy Claws' in the background. The song having become the marine corp's unofficial theme tune for all Westerlund News employees after they not only swallowed, but also broadcast, the fake news story about Elanos Haliat. 

The reporter however had already begun her interview.

"Humans have been trying to get the respect of the galactic community for twenty-six years, with that in mind, what are your feelings on being the first human spectre?" 

_ I wish I was the second! I just want to get on with my job without all the damn press attention. I miss being able to just answer all your questions with the phrase 'no comment'. _

"The spectre's represent the best of every species in the galaxy," was what she actually said.  _ Except Saren of course, he's scum. Deeply talented and lethal scum who shouldn't be underestimated, but scum none the less _ . "Being asked to join them is an honour." 

The questions came thick and fast and while she tried to answer as professionally and diplomatically as possible, once she noticed how leading and borderline xenophobic the questions were getting, her sarcasm started to bleed through.

"Do you think it was appropriate to hand Earth's most advanced warship over to the Citadel?" 

_ Arcturus's most advanced ship actually, her home port is registered as Arcturus, not Earth. _

"I know the Citadel lifts are slow but when I left her on the docks a moment ago I wasn't aware my ship had been handed over to anyone. I'm in command and last I checked I'm human, same goes for my crew."

"But you do have non-humans onboard, if the council can dictate who you have onboard-" 

_ Kidnap the Sandy Claws, throw him in a box. _

"Correction, the council made no such demands. Yes there are civilian contractors aboard the Normandy and yes some of them are non-human, but I'm the one who made that decision, not the council, and I stand by that decision."

"But surely you can understand the security concerns-"

"I do. Better in fact I'd wager, than those members of the press who continuously insist on revealing classified information about ongoing missions, needlessly endangering the lives of the men and women still engaged on those operations. As it stands I've vetted every individual who's joined my ship since I took command and we still have security procedures in place. What you seem to fail to realise is that the Normandy was actually co-developed by the turians, she was always supposed to be a cross-species initiative from the very beginning. We even have the three seashells in the toilets."

"So you're saying the turian hierarchy has details of the Normandy that isn't available to the public?" 

_ Well duh, they're our military allies and the public are civilians! Surely the squad's got to call an emergency through soon. Why can't someone start a fight in the middle of C-Sec right now? Fists, knifes, guns... possible bomb scare... I'm not fussy. _

...

"So, do all Alliance ships have the three seashells in the bathroom or is it just yours?" Trish inquired cheerfully as the video connection popped up on her omni-tool and naturally Nikki groaned.

"I can't believe I let her get under my skin."

"Hey, I enjoyed it! It's been the highlight of my day so far."

"How was that only this morning? It feels so long ago." 

Trish had had a whole list of comments and teases ready in response to Nikki's interview with Westerlund News, but it was increasingly obvious to her that something was wrong. Nicola seemed... drained.

"Long day?"

"You have no idea. At one point I even found myself playing mediator between a C-Sec officer and a hanar preacher who didn't have a permit." 

Trish chuckled. 

"Wish I could have seen that."

"Sorry, wasn't wearing my helmet cam around the Presidium. Would've looked stupid wearing a combat helmet with clothes."

"Like you ever cared what people think about your dress sense... There's something else bothering you as well isn't there? If it's something you can't talk about I understand, but I know it's not hanar preachers that has you looking so down." 

Nick sighed, giving the slightest dip of her head in acknowledgement. There was a long pause before she finally looked back up and asked:

"Do you remember the Jacksons? Back on Mindoir I mean."

Trish barely hid her frown of confusion, unsure where this random inquiry was coming from or where the conversation was going.

"Yeah, they had the best sweetshop in all of Jemison." 

Nikki smiled but it was clearly forced.

"Yeah they did... You remember their daughter Talitha? She was always hanging around with Kev's friends, even though she was younger."

"Tals? Bubbly little thing. Always throwing out double dares, then when she got into trouble for doing something she wasn't supposed to it was all 'but I had to mum, it was a dare'. Right little handful she was."

"Yeah she was." The spectre's voice was soft and sorrowful and Trish wished she could reach through the screen and give her a hug.

"What happened Nick?"

"I got a request this afternoon to come help at the docks, all I got told was a recently rescued slave was loose with a gun and they weren't sure what she was going to do. They believed she was from Mindoir so they thought I might be able to talk to her." There was a deep sigh. "I didn't even recognise her Trish. We talked for ages until I got her to say her name and I never suspected..."

"I'm hardly surprised Nick, it's been thirteen years and she was only little when you saw her last." As soon as she said it Trish realised that probably wasn't as comforting as she'd hoped.

"Yeah I know, but... it was like there was nothing left of her. That spark of life and energy, her whole personality, it was just gone. She was so broken and I..." The spectre's voice caught for a second. 

"I'm not naive Trish, I've liberated plenty of slaves in my time, I know the kind of horrors they've been through. But this is the first time I found anyone from Mindoir, it just... It brought it home, you know? That could have been me."

"But it wasn't." Trish tried to reassure.

"I know, but it could've been... You know, Talitha didn't believe I was there? I couldn't be because I wasn't broken. How do you respond to something like that? How do you admit to someone that while they were watching their parents melt trying to protect them, you were hiding like a damn coward!?"

"Nikki... You were sixteen, there was nothing you could have done. It might not have been brave but it was smart. If you'd have fought you would be dead or enslaved and I for one am glad you're alive. I suspect a lot of the people you've helped over the years are glad too."

"Yeah I suppose so..." 

While she wanted to be beside her marine to comfort and support her, the fact remained that she wasn't. So Trish did the next best thing, she glared.

"Alright, alright." Shepard amended. "I  **_know_ ** so!"

"Better." Trish rewarded, but before she could say anything else her girlfriend interrupted.

"I've got to go. Your uncle's on the other line." There was no need to query which uncle. "Probably going to give me a bollocking over that interview."

"Hey, Uncle Steve has a sense of humour you know. I reckon he probably would've enjoyed it."

"Unfortunately whether or not Uncle Steve enjoyed it is irrelevant. Admiral Hackett will still have to give me a bollocking."

"Alright, I'll let you go. But Nikki? Call me back later... I'm not done cheering you back up." 

The soldier gifted her a smile and a mock salute before terminating the call, taking a grand total of three seconds to school her features and hide her emotions behind a mask of professionalism before accepting the other call.

"Admiral, what can I do for you Sir?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Commander, you wanted..." Admiral Hackett started as soon as his call was accepted, trailing off as his brain processed both the fact that she hadn't saluted and the reason why. "Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh this! Yes Sir, it's fine. Admiral Ahern's certainly not lost his touch."  _ Just his retirement home.  _ She thought smugly. 

In hindsight she would admit that she'd been unnecessarily reckless when running the ground team through the intensive combat scenarios on Pinnacle Station.

Of course the galaxy was far too big to fly around without a destination in mind just on the off chance of running into something important, so she had decided to spend some time at the state of the art training facility while they waited for leads on Saren's location.

It had undoubtedly been hugely beneficial, especially for Tali and Liara who had recently asked if she could join the squad. 

There were only so many scenarios they could run in the Normandy's cargo hold after all and Shepard didn't want to rely on on-the-job training in a combat situation.

However it probably would have been wise to take breaks in between the simulations, even if it was just for an hour or two. After all, she made sure her subordinates didn't do more than two run throughs in a row. 

Yet every time she beat a scenario she marched straight up to Tech officer Ochren and asked the salarian to load her another one. Turning round and jumping straight back in with some fresh team mates. 

Her body was aching, brain buzzing. It reminded her slightly of Hell week at the Villa, although not as intense. 

It was strange how you could end up missing something so hated, but it had been a long time since she found a training program capable of pushing her and she was enjoying herself. 

Even an N7's body had a breaking point though, and her saluting arm had found its limit.

"I'm currently on light duty but the cast's due off in a couple of hours and Doctor Chakwas is confident I'll be fit for combat by the morning. Modern medicine's a wonderful thing." Her eye's suddenly narrowed. "Whatever you do, do  _ not _ tell Trish... uh, please... Sir."

"Spectre order?" Normally Hackett wouldn't tolerate such behaviour from a subordinate over military comms, not even from Nikki. However he knew his niece took after her mother and could well imagine the fallout should either of them find out. 

Besides, as a spectre Shepard was technically outside the normal chain of command now.

In fact, theoretically, she was now entitled to order him (or anybody else inside Council space) around, providing it was a necessary part of her mission and didn't involve treasonous actions. Despite the politicians pushing for this for years, the Alliance military was still getting its head around how exactly the new relationship was supposed to work.

"Yeah, spectre order." The youngster smiled her thanks at him for providing a way out before becoming fully professional again. "So Admiral, what can I do for you? I'm guessing you didn't call up just to enquire about my health."

"No I didn't. You wanted to know the moment we got any intel on the geth? Well, I'm getting reports of a geth presence in the Armstrong Cluster. Surveillance drones have identified outposts on Maji, Casbin, Antibaar and Rayingri-"

The professionalism slipped with a groan. "You did  **not** just say Antibaar?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Can't you call the Villa? See if they can bring forward the next cold weather training course?"

"Do you have a problem with Antibaar Shepard?"

"You  _ know _ I have a problem with Antibaar Sir. I lost a toe on Antibaar. Trish threatened to kill me when I got back!"

"Sorry Commander, that's where the geth are."

"Fine, I'll check it out Sir. But if I get frostbite again I'm telling Trish it's your fault."

"I'm going to put this conversation down to the side effects of pain medication and suggest if anything does go wrong that you blame it on the geth, not me."

"That sounds like a much better plan Sir. Ok, forward me everything you've got on the situation and I'll get right on it."

...

Antibaar had just been the start. After reducing the geth there to scrap metal (and warming back up with soup and a shower once onboard the Normandy) they went on a spree across the entire cluster. 

There were outposts on at least one planet in every star system just like Hackett said. They even found one base that Alliance intel hadn't known about on Solcrum, a small moon in the Grissom system.

Barely five minutes had passed since the shooting ended. The team waiting for Tali to finish data mining the outpost's terminals as Shepard and Garrus fiddled around curiously with a screwdriver inside the remains of a geth juggernaut, while discussing with Wrex and Liara just why geth would need to store information on terminals when they were practically just walking computers themselves?

Their increasingly outlandish theories were interrupted when Joker's voice came over the comm, informing her Hackett was trying to get in touch once more and she got him to patch the audio through.

"Commander, good work clearing out those outposts. The intelligence you've been recovering is already proving invaluable." 

_ Why do I sense there's a 'but' coming? _ She wondered warily. 

"However, it looks like we were right about them using Armstrong as a staging ground. There's already reports of geth in the Attican Beta, we think they're planning an attack on Feros. I'm diverting elements of the 52nd flotilla to patrol the area but you're closer."

"I'll swing by Sir. Keep an eye on things until the 52nd get there."

"Thank you Commander, I appreciate it. Hackett out."

...

"Hmm, about time I heard from you. Do I even want to know what've you been up to?" Trish queried as she answered the call. They had been out of contact for about a week and a half and it had been even longer since they'd had a chance for either a video or audio call.

"You mean you don't already know? I was going to ask you, you always seem to know where I am and what I'm doing before me." Nikki teased.

"Not this time I'm afraid, I kind of have to rely on news reports or other people posting on the extranet to know what's going on and I've not heard anything all week."

"And I thought my little stalker spy knew everything. Well, if you really want to know... for the last two days I've been on an undisclosed planet sponsored by a large corporation, who must unfortunately remain nameless, who decided to do something bad that I can't talk about. They probably would have continued doing something bad without anyone becoming any the wiser if the geth hadn't shown up on said planet with me in hot pursuit and having to put an end to it. Just trust me when I say fighting geth was the nice part of the mission."

"Sounds exhausting."

"Yeah kind of." The N7 hesitated a moment. The mind controlled slaves, asari clones, weird humanoid creeper things and ancient sentient plant had all been bad enough, but even if she could talk about them they wouldn't be as nerve wracking to explain as what she was about to discuss.

"Something else happened too. I'm not entirely convinced I'm allowed to talk about it, but I'm not willing to hide it from you either. Just... let me explain and answer any questions you've got before you explode about it please?" 

That wasn't exactly a promising start to a conversation but Trish nodded, slightly worried.

"Okay."

"You remember back in N-school when I did the advanced SERE training and there was all that stuff about different types of asari meld and how they can share information..."

Trish did. She hadn't been there of course, but Nikki had sat her down when she got back and insisted on a 'full disclosure' conversation about how she'd had to have an asari in her head for work.

It had been a rather awkward discussion and as the N7 continued to babble in a large circle around the topic without ever quite making it to the point, Trish realised where this was going.

"You melded with an asari." Her tone was certain but not harsh, Nikki still almost flinched.

"Yeah... Just a knowledge meld mind you... but yeah."

"Was it with Liara?" Admittedly that time Trish's voice was a fraction sharper, she was pretty sure the archeologist had a crush on her girlfriend, even if she doubted Nikki had noticed. It had never really bothered her before because she trusted the spectre to be loyal. It was a little different to think about said person going inside her partner's head though.

"No, it was one of Matriarch Benezia's acolytes." 

That certainly wasn't the answer she'd expected and for a moment the civilian was rendered speechless before recovering enough to enquire:

"Are you sure that's wise? Letting the ally of an enemy inside your head."

"Probably not. It  _ was _ necessary though babe. I needed... some information she had access to."

"And you couldn't just ask her? Talk it over?"

"Not really. It's... complicated." Shepard silently debated with herself a moment before sighing as she made her decision. 

"You remember that beacon the press mentioned on Eden Prime? It put... stuff in my head. Some kind of warning, except I couldn't understand it because it was all in bloody prothean. Shiala had access to a... well everyone else is calling it a cipher. Supposed to help me understand the visions."

"And is it working?" Trish was amazed how calm her voice sounded as she processed her partner's words and situation.

"Not entirely. Bits of it are starting to make sense, but I got the mother of all headaches right now. Shiala reckons it'll take a bit of time to adjust, for the knowledge to sort of settle in and start working, I'm afraid I really don't understand it babe. Anyway, once Liara found out I know not all melds are about sex she started trying to get inside my head too."

Trish involuntarily stiffened. "You let her?"

"No! Not yet anyway."

"Not yet? As in you're planning to?"

"I think I might end up having to. She's the prothean expert, maybe she can make sense of all this mess."

"I thought you said you had the cipher now?"

"Well yeah but..." She trailed off with a sigh. "I'd explain if I could Trish but you know I don't understand the technical stuff. It's like... The beacon stored information right?"

The civilian nodded, she'd worked that much out on her own.

"Imagine that information as like those old fashioned paper books, a whole library full. When the beacon was destroyed that library blew up and the pages got loose and all muddled up in the explosion and a lot of them landed in... lets say a bucket. Like a really, really big bucket that can hold a lot of pages. And they didn't just float gently in they really got squished in to get as many pages as possible inside and... this really wasn't the best metaphor..."

"Your head's the bucket right?" Trish clarified.

"Right. And all the books were written in Prothean, so now I've got the cipher I can read the words but the pages are still all messed up. They're all in the wrong order and some were lost in the explosion and others are from different books completely so I still can't make proper sense of it all."

"And you think Liara can help? Use her prothean expertise to provide a sense of context and reshuffle the pages, or at least provide an index or something."

"I don't know babe, I hope so, but I really don't know. At this point it's got to be worth a try. Doctor Chakwas can supervise if you're worried about the whole meld thing-"

"I trust you Nick." The civilian interrupted. "It's just a little weird thinking about someone else going inside your head."

"You're telling me." The N7 chuckled grimly. "Villa taught me to keep the buggers out and make sure I keep classified intel safe if they do get in. Not roll out the welcome mat and show them what's what." 

Trish could hear the faint bitterness in her partner's voice.

"Forget about me a moment sweetheart, are you ok with this?"

"I don't know, it's kinda weird. Not really got many choices though. Saren's already got the cipher and the beacon wasn't destroyed when he interfaced with it so he can probably flick through all the books at his leisure without having to reconstruct them first. I'm ten steps behind at every turn and all I know for sure is the galaxy's screwed if he finds this conduit thing first."

"Then you know what you've got to do. I might not particularly like this sweetie, god knows if there was any other way I'd want you to take it... but, if there isn't... I'm not willing to see the galaxy in flames just because I was too jealous or prudish to let you do what needed to be done."

"You a prude? That'll be the day." The spectre snorted in disbelief, mind briefly drifting to some of the things her partner made her do over the years. "I can't believe I'm seriously considering letting an asari poke about in my brain, it goes against all my training. Still... Suppose it's better than a salarian, they'd be using a scalpel."


	10. Chapter 10

Kaidan was confused about his commanding officer. He knew he had a crush on her, there was no doubt about that. In fact it was probably a good thing she didn't wear her dress blues around the ship as much as she was supposed to, the one time Anderson had ordered her to wear them Kaidan's brain had nearly short circuited, his mouth issuing a compliment completely of its own violation and without permission from the rest of him.

He had fully expected a reprimand for that, but instead the commander had chuckled, winking as she responded: 'Thanks, you scrub up well yourself Lieutenant'. Anderson had simply shook his head, walking away with an: 'I give up'. 

What the captain gave up with Kaidan didn't know and didn't dare ask, but it had been the start of their light, playful conversations.

He'd always been a bit of a loner, his migraine's keeping him away from the more boisterous parts of the mess, but he liked to think he was reasonably well respected by both his superiors and subordinates alike. His friends group may be small, but there weren't that many people in his career who he hadn't been able to get along with. 

He'd never had a CO quite as approachable as Shepard though. Seemingly so casual and laid back. He'd even started telling her stuff about his past that he'd never told anyone before. 

No, there wasn't any doubt he was falling for her. What he couldn't work out however, was whether or not the feeling was mutual.

It was far too risky to come straight out and ask his superior officer of course, but he'd tried to gauge a response from more innocent questions. 

He asked if she got this informal with everyone and she'd answered: 'yes, but I don't enjoy it with everyone'.  _ How was he supposed to interpret that? _

Then one day Williams had excitedly pulled him aside to tell him Shepard had approached her in the cargo hold and asked outright if the chief had any intentions on him. 

He wasn't a fan of scuttlebutt, but the way Ash told it made it sound as if the spectre was checking the path was clear for herself or warning the other woman off or something. 

Mind you, you never knew whether or not you could trust lower deck rumours, there were more than a few about their CO and the asari.

Of course you'd have to be blind not to notice Liara's infatuation with the commander, but whether or not the feelings were reciprocated Kaidan was less sure about. 

Shepard certainly hadn't shot the asari's advances down, and she was always going into the small private room behind the med bay, who knew what they were up to in there?

Maybe he should just follow the commander's lead and ask outright if she was interested in him. He'd have to find out soon, he was finding it harder and harder each day to concentrate and distractions could be deadly in their line of work. 

If Shepard truly wasn't interested in him then it would hurt, but he'd get over it. Surely it had to be better than this horrible limbo of not knowing.

...

If Liara was being honest she'd have to admit that secretly she'd always wanted to meld with Shepard. 

Not like  _ that _ of course! 

Just to be able to see the visions from the prothean beacon herself. 

The commander had warned her they weren't particularly pleasant, but she was morbidly curious and it certainly wasn't the graphic content that had prevented her from asking before.

No, it was the risk of creating a misunderstanding.

Far too many aliens thought of her species as being overly promiscuous. They associated the meld with sex and didn't understand that there were different types. 

She did try to discuss it during one of their talks about asari culture, but she became flustered and while she managed to answer all of Shepard's questions, when the door slid shut behind the human at the end of the visit she suddenly realised they hadn't covered any of the information she'd hoped to impart. 

How was one supposed to ask a human to share minds together without them thinking she was asking them to do  _ that _ ?

Especially when there was a tiny grain deep down inside that she barely acknowledged, even to herself, that was rapidly growing ever more curious about what  _ that _ would be like with the commander. 

The thought was somewhat scary and definitely nerve-wracking but not entirely unappealing. Quite the reverse in fact.

Liara knew the humans called people like her 'virgins', but she still couldn't work out whether the term was supposed to be good or bad. 

In human stories they had a habit of being sacrificed to gods or offered as the preferred food choice of monsters, which kind of made it sound like you'd be better off not being one, but then they were also rescued by handsome princes and dashing heroes, getting to live happily ever after. 

Although there was never much explanation about what happily ever after actually entailed, except that they got to be with the hero.

Shepard was certainly a hero.

The commander had saved her life the first time they met. She was kind and brave and goddess that smile... All of which was beside the point. 

She'd been touched by a prothean beacon and the strength of mind to not only  **_not_ ** become a gibbering wreck, but also to keep going with such a high intensity mission was amazing. 

_ Everything _ about the woman was amazing.

Of course Shepard hadn't been completely unaffected by the beacon. Liara had overheard a few conversations she probably shouldn't have while in her room behind the med bay. The spectre not only confiding in Doctor Chakwas, but also requesting the older woman keep an eye on her. To act if she became mentally unfit for command.

Liara almost volunteered her services then and there but she was still wary of triggering a misunderstanding. 

Not to mention the potential fury from the commander learning she'd been eavesdropping on confidential conversations. 

She couldn't bring herself to do it.

It wasn't until after Feros, the unexplainable spark of jealousy that ignited in her when Shiala melded with Shepard and the confirmation that the commander knew about knowledge melds, that she was finally able to find the courage to ask. 

And now, finally, several days later, they were sat together in the med bay. Doctor Chakwas unobtrusively keeping an eye on their vital signs from a monitor in the corner. 

Shepard still seemed a little uneasy so Liara did her best to hide her excitement and eagerness as she prepared herself.

"Embrace eternity."

The inside of Shepard's head wasn't like anything Liara had expected. She might be a virgin but she'd had experience with knowledge melds, she  _ was _ an asari after all.

Normally the exchanging of information took place in either a relaxed or professional environment, a mental parlour or drawing room, an office or board room. 

Of course she knew that non-asari weren't used to creating such fabrications in their minds, having no previous need for the skill and had been told by more experienced asari that alien minds were often chaotic, unorganized. 

Shepard's mind was none of these. 

She found herself standing in what reminded her of a police interrogation room, not that she'd ever been in one of course, just seen them in vids.

Her confusion and slight apprehension must have bled through because the commander shrugged in that human gesture of apology before attempting a rough mimicry of the asari gesture of trust, openness and nothing to hide. 

She didn't quite pull it off but Liara appreciated the effort, even as she worked to regain control of what thoughts and emotions she let through the meld. She certainly didn't want anything embarrassing to slip through.

"Sorry about the decor, I'm not used to welcoming people in here and I'd rather keep the mental energy needed to create a room from scratch in reserve for later. Trust me, this is much nicer than the other room they left me with." 

Shepard's words came through clearly, but with no emotion attached and Liara tried to do the same, hiding the rising horror as she processed the words. If someone had left something in the commander's head they would have to be asari, and if this was the nicer of the two rooms then...

"You were meld tortured?!" It would certainly explain why the commander had been hesitant to agree to a meld and wanted the doctor present. 

Shepatd shrugged again, but this time it wasn't apologetically.

"More like given a demonstration of what it's like to be meld tortured and taught to build mental defenses. They had both asari and human shrinks present to make sure we didn't get permanently fucked up. In fact it was the most supervised module in the whole course. Anyway it was all about repressing and protecting information, they never taught us that trick you asari have for summoning a particular memory in order to share it. I'm afraid we're going to have to walk."

With that the commander stood and headed for the door, Liara followed her, gasping in surprise when it opened directly out on to the edge of a cliff face, waves crashing violently far below, a small island with a fortress on it barely visible in the distance through the storm.

"We have to get over there?"

"That's certainly what it looks like." Shepard agreed solemnly before smirking and pulling her to the side, around the door for the interrogation room.

**_Just_ ** the door. 

For some reason there didn't appear to be a wall on the outside. 

"Come on, I left myself an easier way." With that she rooted around on the ground finally finding a hidden trap door and lifting it up, gesturing for Liara to proceed her down the ladder. Once her feet touched the floor at the bottom the asari looked around to find herself in twisting catacombs that seemed only too easy to get lost in.

"This way." The human led her confidently through the tunnels and soon they started passing doors on either side. 

At first glance they were stout but basic heavy wooden doors but as soon as Liara looked specifically at one then locks would slam visibly into place. While clearly a defensive measure, she wasn't sure if the commander was consciously doing it or if it was subconscious. 

After what felt like eternity, they stopped outside a door that looked identical to all the others they'd passed. Shepard pulled a large jangle of keys out of nowhere, unlocking several padlocks and the main lock of the door itself before vanishing the keys, typing out a long string of numbers in a haptic interface and stepping up to a retina scanner.

Liara held her breath in anticipation as the door finally creaked open, only to be disappointed by the seemingly empty room, another door on the far side.

"Last chance to change your mind. There's no unseeing this and it's rather horrifying." The commander warned once more, but Liara had come too far to turn back now, her passion for the protheans and thirst for knowledge far out weighing any lingering safety concerns.

"I'm certain, I'm ready."

Shepard nodded with a sharp exhale, rolling her head and shoulders as if to psyche herself up before slamming her palm against the final door. It faded away, allowing Liara the faintest glimpse of prothean technology that she assumed must have been the Eden Prime beacon before she was enveloped by the vision itself.

...

"How did it go?" Kaidan asked as the doctor left the med bay, the commander still inside with Liara.

"You'd have to ask them." She responded rather unhelpfully. "Physically they're fine, just a little tired. You can go in and see them if you want." 

Kaidan nodded as the woman made her way to the kettle and drew up his courage. This probably wasn't the best time to do this but they were together and away from the prying eyes and ears of the crew, if he was to do this it needed to be now before he lost his bottle and changed his mind. 

He quickly crossed the mess hall in long, easy strides, the med bay door swishing automatically open as he approached. The eyes of both occupants jumping to him.

"Commander, we need to talk."

Shepard nodded and Liara slid off the bed she was sitting on in order to leave but Kaidan quickly forestalled her retreat:

"The three of us."

...

"I'm sorry Commander but you need to make a choice, me or-  **Stop laughing Trish, it's not funny!** " Nikki buried her face in her hands with a groan, unable to even look her partner in the eye over the vid screen.

"I'm sorry sweetie, but it's hilarious! Not just one, but two people, falling over themselves to get at you and you didn't notice a thing. You're hopeless! Even I noticed the asari was crushing on you big time and all I ever saw was news reports."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"What, I trust you. I knew you wouldn't cheat on me so why bring it up and risk looking jealous? I didn't want to make things awkward between you."

"Because  **_this_ ** isn't awkward at all... How? How does this even happen? We have fraternization regs for a reason."

"Yeah... I'm pretty sure this isn't the reason. Besides even you must be aware that's one of the most commonly broken regs around." Trish sassed before deciding to be nice and explain a few things to her idiot. "Look, I wasn't there so I don't know for certain, but if I had to guess Nick? I'd say you were probably being your usual self." 

Nikki looked at her in confusion. 

"Charming, gorgeous, courteous, funny, caring... the list goes on. In fact I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. You're always being hit on in the streets."

"I am?"

"Yes sweetie. Not so much at home because all the locals know you're mine, but elsewhere? All the damn time."

"Oh... Sorry."

"It's not exactly your fault. Well... other than looking too damn sexy for your own good, but I happen to like that."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Like what? If I was going to get jealous every time someone checked you out, I'd never be able to let you out the house. I mean sure, it gets irritating, but it's actually kind of nice sometimes. Knowing all those people are interested in you and you never give them a second glance. Knowing you've only got eyes for me."

"I, uh... might be guilty of the odd stray glance." Nikki stated hesitantly, sounding for all the world like she was confessing to some horrendous act of infidelity and Trish rolled her eyes.

"Of course you are. I'd be worried if you  _ never _ looked at another woman. Plus it's kind of a requirement for when we play 'hot or not' while watching TV. Speaking of women I've only ever seen on TV..." A faux innocence overcame Trish's voice that was in complete contrast to the look on her face and Nikki felt a surge of apprehension course through her. "Liara T'Soni... Hot or not?" 

The spectre groaned.

"We are  _ so _ not going there."

"So... you think she's hot?"

"No."

"So you think she's ugly?"

"No! Urgh, I hate you so much right now."

"Do you hate me enough to jump into the arms of another woman?" Trish continued teasing.

"No, and technically Liara's not a woman because asari are mono-gendered and-... that's so not the point right now!"

"Well if you want to get hung up on semantics, I'm sure there are plenty of women on your ship who'd be willing to step in."

"Don't be silly- Wait, you're not serious are you? You don't really think there are others do you?" Nikki's eyes went wide with panic at the thought and, even though she knew she should stop, Trish couldn't help pushing a little further.

"I expect so. I mean, you didn't notice Kaidan and Liara and they were pretty obvious. Who knows how many of your crew feel the same way."

"Do you think I should make a ship wide tannoy announcement that I'm unavailable?" 

For a split second the civilian was so tempted to say yes.

"That might not be the best idea." She managed to concede, but then the temptation became too much. "I mean... it's such an impersonal way to deal with such a sensitive issue and you could be triggering quite a lot of broken hearts. You'd be better off sitting them down one at a time in private to explain the situation. Have the doctor there in case they need someone to talk to." 

Nikki was eating it up, nodding her head as she made a mental note of her partner's suggestions. After all, Trish was much better at this sort of stuff than her. 

"Then film their reactions and send me the link." 

Nick groaned in sudden realisation.

"You are enjoying this  **_far_ ** too much."

"Yep." Alice in Wonderland's Cheshire cat had nothing on Trish's grin right now.

"You're never going to let me live this down are you?"

"Nope." 

There was a thud as the spectre's head hit the table.

"Please just kill me now."


	11. Chapter 11

"I shit you not, there I was..." 

Shepard tried focusing on the team's random chatter, hoping it would calm her down as she strode furiously through the Citadel. Unfortunately their tales of past glories and hilarious misdeeds wasn't working, she was  _ still _ pissed off at Nassana Dantius, and rapidly running out of time before their scheduled meeting.

It wasn't that she regretted killing Dhalia, that slaver scum got what she deserved, but she detested the way Nassana had manipulated her with the sob story of her sister being captured. All she had to do was say she knew the location of a slaver hideout and Nikki would have happily wiped them out. 

Instead they'd gone in under the assumption of it being a hostage rescue. 

The slight hesitation when Tali found the asari they thought they were supposed to be rescuing on the other end of a gun was enough for her to sustain a suit breach. If Doctor Chakwas hadn't had the foresight to stock up on dextro antibiotics the consequences could have been much worse.

If that had happened Shepard wouldn't even be attempting to calm down. As it was the quarian had only been returned to light duty yesterday.

A faint vibration on her wrist had Shepard glancing down, stopping suddenly, eyes darting around when she reached the end of the message.

[Now there's a sight for sore eyes. xXx]

The rest of the squad halted too, staring suspiciously in all directions for whatever had caught their leader's attention. The corner of the spectre's mouth quirked upwards as she caught sight of a figure on the balcony of a nearby cafe.

"Wait here a moment, there's something I've got to check on." She ordered, walking off before calling back over her shoulder: "Oh and you can relax, it's nothing bad." 

They watched her leave, glancing at each other in confusion, trying to decide what to do now. The uneasy silence was broken when Ash decided to voice the question on everybody's mind:

"Did the commander just... swagger?"

...

"Well now, someone's looking sexy today." Trish greeted, eyes roaming greedily as her partner walked across the cafe towards her.

"Hmm, that someone must be you." Nikki responded as she closed the gap and claimed a quick kiss. "Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing on the Citadel?"

"Work, very boring. There's some perks though, like they paid for my hotel. What about you?"

"Work, I'm wearing this so it must be boring." The soldier gestured down at her seldom worn dress blues as she sat down, their hands reaching for each other across the table, while their legs sought physical contact underneath. "Nobody provided me with a hotel though, they never do... I'm starting to think I'm in the wrong job." 

Trish chuckled dutifully.

"Well, you can always come share mine for the afternoon?" The civilian offered suggestively. "I've not got any more meetings until tomorrow."

"Tempting though that is, and believe me I'd like nothing better, I'm afraid  _ I've _ got a meeting and I promised my guys lunch afterwards." She pointed out the rag tag group that were still standing where she'd left them. "You can come with if you want?"

"I get to meet your crew? Now?" Trish was clearly excited. "It's been years since you let me meet anyone on your teams." She stood and grabbed her jacket, heading for the exit while Nikki sat frozen as she suddenly remembered there was a reason for that and wondered if it was too late to rescind the offer. 

Echo squad was the last team to have the honour of meeting Trish and they had greatly enjoyed the experience. Particularly the way they ended up with plenty of ammunition to take the piss out of her for weeks afterwards.

"Aww hell, I'm going to regret this." She scrambled to her feet, rushing after her waiting partner, brain whirring trying to think of damage limitation plans.

...

The introductions didn't actually go too badly. As long as you ignored the part where Trish asked Kaidan whether it was Nikki's charming smile, gorgeous eyes or perfect ass that he'd been attracted to.

"Don't answer that Lieutenant." Shepard ordered, glaring at her girlfriend and hoping her blush wasn't too obvious. Trish remained unrepentant.

"What? I'm just curious."

"Garrus, I'm just curious, you were with C-Sec, is it legal for a spectre to sew someone's mouth shut?" 

Trish grinned, completely unfazed by her partner's threat.

"Aww am I embarrassing you sweetheart? Think it through a moment, if you sewed my mouth shut I wouldn't be able to do this." The civilian planted a series of light kisses on her jaw and neck much to the Normandy crew's entertainment, the commander huffing in defeat.

"Uhh, ma'am? We're going to be late for your meeting with Dantius."

"Like I owe that bitch the courtesy of being on time." Shepard grumbled, going from amused discomfort to righteous anger in a second flat. "Garrus, is it legal for a spectre to wring that lying cow's sodding neck?" 

Trish was surprised by the amount of vehemence in her partner's voice but remained silent. She wasn't aware of the facts and in her experience if Nikki was pissed off she probably had a good reason.

"Grey area Commander. It's not officially legal per se, but you wouldn't be prosecuted for it. I'd advise against doing it in the embassy lounge though, it wouldn't help the other species' opinion of humanity being violent bullies."

"Noted."

"Do I even want to know?" Trish asked, Nikki calming slightly as she turned towards her with a tense smile. She offered her arm out for the civilian to hold so they could resume walking as she explained.

"She seems to think my squad are acceptable collateral damage. I don't."

...

"I still think you'd be better off with a Logic Arrest, Tali. Nexus shield enhancements are years behind the curve." 

The commander rolled her eyes but said nothing, not willing to risk drawing attention to herself when everybody seemed quite content talking about something other than her. Ever since the suit breach on Sharjila during the 'Dantius disaster' Kaidan had been trying to get the quarian to change omni-tools.

Shepard appreciated his obvious concern for the youngster but wasn't convinced a different tool would have made a difference.

"You could get round that if you overclock the microframe though." Trish piped up from Shepard's side.

"Exactly! That's what I keep trying to tell everybody." Tali exclaimed. "I'm running multiple attack processes simultaneously, nothing comes close to outperforming the Nexus."

"Well... the Savant blows everything else out of the water, but it's almost impossible to get on Serrice Council's approved customer list." Trish amended, not even bothering to bring her own product into the mix. 

The Polaris may have been the best human made omni-tool in the galaxy, but even she'd admit that for sheer processing power the Nexus had it beat. It probably had something to do with the fact that R&D teams for asari companies had millennia of experience between them.

"Blow out the water?" 

Nikki smiled as her girlfriend explained the human idiom to the quarian before they entered a conversation in universal tech speak that the rest of the humans present had no hope of understanding.

...

"Tarc! Is that who I think it is?" 

Nikki nodded unhappily at the turian's question.

"Yeah, anybody volunteering to be decoy?" 

Trish looked around the bustling street in confusion, trying to figure out who the Normandy crew were talking about as they all declined the job offer.

"Sorry Shepard, he knows all of us."

"Who knows what? What's going on?" The civilian asked, instantly regretting it when everybody's eyes snapped to her.

"Trish, babe... you know you love me?" 

_ Every second of every day, but right now I'm not so sure. _

"I don't suppose you could go over there and distract that nice gentleman while we sneak past?"

"Which gentleman?"

"The blond with the goatee."

"Why?"

"Because it's me and I'm asking nicely?" Nikki wheedled, with full on puppy dog eyes.

"No, I mean why does a spectre, a former C-Sec officer, a krogan battlemaster and two Alliance marines need to sneak past someone?"

"Can I maybe tell you later? Like, after you've distracted him and we're no longer anywhere near here."

"Just tell me one thing, is this dangerous?" 

Nikki's horrified protest of: 'of course not!' was drowned out by Wrex's booming laughter.

"Dangerous? That little pyjak!" 

The noise cut across the busy marketplace, people of all species pausing to glance over, including the one specific human they had been trying to avoid.

"Commander? Commander Shepard!"

"Damn it Wrex! Scatter!" 

Trish glanced round at the rapidly emptying space around her in bemusement, her girlfriend jogging back over to grab her hand and plead: "Babe, run." 

They were too late however, the mystery man finally reached them and a look of abject despair crossed Shepard's features as she closed her eyes in defeat. Opening them again she plastered a fake smile on her face as she turned round to confront her nemesis.

"Conrad, my main man and biggest fan! How can I help you?" 

Over on the far side of the market the rest of the squad reformed. Considering the distance Trish may have imagined the grins on their faces, but there was no doubting the cheeky wave from Garrus.

...

"Do you get that a lot?" Trish asked when they were finally on their way again. She was still trying to process exactly what had just happened and silently vowed then and there that, whenever they were in public, she would obey Nicola's strangest requests without question.

"Sometimes. So far since being made spectre I have met eight 'biggest fans', three 'No. 1 fans' and a batarian who calls me 'demi-god of the demi-eyes'. Conrad's probably the most persistent though."

"I don't know how you tolerate the freaks, if it was me I'd probably try and scare them off." Ash admitted.

"Nah, not worth the PR headache. They might have a few screws loose but they're harmless enough. Finally, we're here." They stopped outside an Avina terminal close to a rather worried looking receptionist.

"Hmm, probably best if we don't all go in, they might think we're an invasion force pulling a coup. Wrex and Garrus with me, the rest of you hang out round here." Shepard paused, turning to address her girlfriend but Trish spoke first.

"Really? You don't want to look like an invasion so you're taking Garrus and Wrex?" 

The spectre shrugged.

"Garrus can warn me if I'm about to break any unique or bizarre Citadel by-laws and I just love watching the faces of those stuck up snobs when I bring a krogan into their exclusive clubs." 

Trish couldn't help but smile at the reasoning. 

"What about you? You still happy hanging around with this lot or do you want to head off and I'll meet up with you tonight?"

"No, I don't mind hanging around. Besides, me and Tali are brainstorming something."

"Already? Ah whatever, have fun. Just do me a favour and try not to completely destroy my squad's respect for me while I'm gone."

"Promise, I'll leave the last little shred until you get back."

"Why thank you." A kiss and a wink and Nikki was striding away. Trish enjoying the sight for as long as possible before turning back to the strange collection of individuals.

...

"Well, that could have gone better and it could have gone worse." Shepard philosophised as they headed back to the others. 

She smiled when she saw Tali and Ash talking together. Despite her previous reservations and long held prejudices Williams was getting on much better with the aliens on the crew, particularly the young quarian who she had started treating like another little sister. Tali for her part absolutely loved listening to anyone telling stories involving siblings. 

Next to them Kaidan and Liara were talking about biotics. At least, Shepard assumed it was about biotics, if it was about her she was sure her girlfriend would be involved in the conversation. She frowned as she realised the final human was missing.

"Where's Trish?"

"She asked for a moment alone." Ash answered, tilting her head in the relevant direction and Nikki's eyes followed to find her partner standing looking out over the presidium lake.

"What? Why?" 

Williams simply shrugged but Shepard connected the dots herself a moment later as she overheard a man and woman arguing about their unborn child nearby. 

"How long have they been there?"

"A while." Ash must have caught the implied question in the commander's glare because she clarified a second later: "Since before Trish left." Williams was surprised when, without another word, the spectre decided to march over to the two loud humans.

"It's less dangerous than the genetic enhancements that every soldier in the Alliance receives!" The man was ranting.

"You know you two should stop arguing and try actually listening to each other." Shepard butted in, not caring if her unsolicited intervention was considered socially unacceptable.

"Excuse me! Who are you?"

"Commander Shepard, but that's irrelevant. What's important is that you are both claiming to want what's best for the baby but all this shouting and stress... That ain't best for it."

"Perhaps you can talk some sense into her." The man, Michael, appealed to the commander in the frustrated tones of someone who's tried every argument they can think of, before filling her in on the situation as if she and half the presidium hadn't already heard the deeply personal conversation. 

"There's a chance of the baby developing the same heart condition that killed my brother, undergoing routine gene therapy in utero can eliminate it but my sister-in-law refuses to listen."

"Well it's her baby and her body, I'm sorry but that makes it her choice."

"It's a stupid choice! She's too consumed with grief to think rationally right now, and her 'emotions' are going to hurt this baby."

"Not necessarily, what kind of odds are we talking here?"

"There's a one in fifty chance of the baby developing the heart condition, compared to at most a one in three hundred chance of something going wrong with the gene therapy. You can't argue against the facts! It is six times more likely for there to be a problem if she doesn't do the therapy." Michael explained only to be countered by his sister-in-law:

"Don't you understand? So what if he's more likely to develop the condition? If he does then there are medical treatments available, but if my baby is that one in three hundred I'll always wonder if I killed him for nothing!"

There was a tightness in Nikki's throat as she finally managed to get back into the conversation: 

"I do understand Rebekah, that kind of guilt can eat a person up inside whether they deserve it or not. The two of you need to sit down with a gene therapist and a heart specialist and go through this in a much calmer setting. It's your choice and in the end it doesn't matter if you go with your head or your heart, all you can do is choose what you think is best. But what you need to understand, no matter how hard and horrifying it sounds, is that it is possible to do everything right,  _ everything _ , and still lose a child for no other reason than the universe sucks!" 

Her voice broke towards the end, the ache in her heart at old memories rising to the surface visible as pain in her eyes. The force of emotion took the two redheads by surprise, grasping each other's hand for support.

"Thank you." Rebekah breathed quietly and Shepard nodded before turning away to find her whole squad watching her, their own conversations long since ceased.

"You guys go on ahead to the restaurant. I'll catch up." 

There were varying lengths of uncertainty before people turned away, shocked at what they had just learned about their commander and internally debating how to show their support but coming up blank.

While they could sympathise with her position, they could only imagine what it was like, Wrex the only one among them to have experienced the same feeling. 

To have had the highs and hopes of expected parenthood dashed in the cruelest of fashions. 

Yet the krogan didn't waste time attempting to come up with comforting sentiments, knowing no words would make a difference. He gave the spectre the slightest incline of his head in acknowledgment before herding the others away with a call of:

"Come on, I'm hungry." 

Meanwhile Shepard turned, heading towards the railings by the presidium lake.

"It's me." She warned softly as she approached Trish from behind, loosely wrapping her arms around her partner's waist but making sure her grasp was easy enough to break out of, waiting until Trish relaxed and leant back into her before she tightened her embrace into a supportive hug.

"Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer." Trish whispered only to feel Nikki shaking her head.

"It's ok." The spectre issued her partner with a chaste kiss to the shoulder.

"It's just-..." The civilian trailed off, unable to find the words capable of doing her thoughts and feelings justice.

"I know. I miss him too." Nikki squeezed reassuringly, they stood in melancholic silence a moment before Shepard mused: "He'd be starting school this year."

"Yeah... I wonder if he would've liked it."

"You're kidding right?" Nick asked softly. "With your brains? There's no question about it." There was a light chuckle in response.

"Do you..." Trish hesitated. "Do you ever think about trying again?" The spectre's grip unconsciously tightened a fraction.

"What, about trying to get an education? You saying you think I should go back to school?" She teased, deliberately trying to deflect away from the serious conversation with humour.

"No." Trish spun round to face her, gazing into those deep chocolate eyes in the hope of discerning an honest answer as she clarified beyond any shadow of a doubt: "Try again for a kid?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it." Nick admitted after a moment's silence. She glanced away but not before the civilian caught sight of the look of longing mixed with... something else.

"And?" Trish pressed, bringing her hand up to her partner's face to gently force her back into eye contact.

"Truthfully?" 

Trish nodded and the spectre sighed. 

"...I'm scared... I want to babe, I really do, but... After everything with Thomas... I don't know if I could go through that again if anything went wrong."

"Yeah... I used to think that too."

"Used to?"

"Yes, but then I remembered something a wise woman once told me. She said I shouldn't let fear hold me back from something awesome." 

A faint smile graced the soldier's lips as she remembered the conversation from what felt like a lifetime ago.

"A wise woman you say?"

"Well... The words were wise at least, I'm not so sure about the woman." Trish teased, earning a deeper smile. 

Nikki leant their foreheads together, entwining their fingers. She'd always been wary of raising the subject of children with Trish after Thomas's death. Knowing no matter how bad the experience had been for her, it had been far worse for her partner, but if Trish had truly come to terms with events and was willing to take the risk... Well then:

"Maybe I should think about it some more."


	12. Chapter 12

"So... You know that old saying about who outranks an Admiral?" 

Trish tilted her head towards the random question to see Nikki led next to her in the hotel bed, gazing at the ceiling and making no attempt to fix her adorably messy bed hair.

"An Admiral's wife." She answered the age old half joke/half truth. Nick nodded but didn't look over.

"Right. Would... Do you want outrank a spectre?"

"Nikki!" Surprise coloured Trish's voice as she sat up in a hurry, twisting her whole body for a better look at her partner while she sought clarification: "Are you proposing?"

"No. Maybe? Umm..." Nervous uncertainty clouded the commander's eyes. "More sort of... trying to work out if you'd want me to propose? Kaidan and Liara said they would never have considered that whole... thing... if they knew I was taken and- Well, I know it's not an obligatory requirement anymore but if we  **_are_ ** going to think about starting a family..." She trailed off as if deciding the reasoning was either unnecessary or counterproductive. " **_Obviously_ ** it would be much better than this if I did..." 

Trish chuckled, throwing one leg over to straddle her hopeless Mindoirian.

"You." 

The sentence was punctuated by a brief kiss to her partner's forehead. 

"Are crap." 

Another peck, this time on the cheek. 

"At subtle questioning." 

The action mirrored on the opposite cheek.

"And hopeless at romance."

"Is that a no?" 

Trish shook her head with a smile.

"I would love to outrank a spectre." This time lips brushed lips, the kiss quickly deepening, and when they finally broke away the nerves and uncertainty had faded from Nikki's eyes, replaced with their usual mischievous twinkle.

"Hmm, I suppose I best find you one then. Let's see... Bau and Rix are obviously out on account of being male... What about Vasir? Asari, blue eyes instead of brown I'm afraid but-" She was cut off by a playful punch to the shoulder.

"I'll find my own spectre thanks." Trish leant down with her own eyes sparkling. "Oh look, I've found one... Whatever will I do with her?"

"Marry me, I hope."

"Definitely." 

Any other potential words were swallowed in a passionate kiss. Instead of ending when Nikki pulled back to catch her breath it simply moved, Trish working her way down her lover's neck. It was a perfect moment, only ruined when, instead of joining straight back in, Nikki decided to use her mouth for talking.

"So... How do you want me to propose? Traditional restaurant date or..." 

Trish ignored her, hoping she'd get the hint and shut up if she just continued with her ministrations. 

"We could go to some secluded paradise somewhere... Joker's always going on about being the best pilot in the Alliance, he could airdrop the ring from the Normandy just as I pop the question-"

"Here and now's good enough for me." The civilian finally gave in and spoke, hoping it would help end the conversation, before trailing her tongue across just the right spot to make Nikki gasp.

"Joker's good but I think even he might struggle with the middle of the seventh floor. Plus it's a bit short notice and I haven't actually bought a ring yet-" 

Trish groaned in despair.

"Is there a reason you're still talking?" She pushed the soldier away, Nicola's back hitting the bed as Trish glared daggers at her from above. 

It didn't quite have the effect she was after as the blasted woman spoke once more, but this time her voice was soft and full of awe as her gaze swept across the vision straddling her.

"Damn, you're so beautiful right now." 

The compliment made Trish's heart swell and despite her overwhelming desire she couldn't help teasing:

"Just right now? You used to say I was always beautiful to you."

"You are! Just some days you're beautifuler than ever. You're always the beautifulest person in the galaxy, but some days you're extra impressive."

"I know you're a soldier sweetheart, but do you have to slaughter grammar? Repeat after me: more beautiful, most beautiful."

"Smart arse. We can't all be geniuses you know. Besides, it's not my fault if I have to use made up words because the real ones don't do you justice."

"Mhmm. Nice save..." She leant in for another kiss before adding: "Still sounds stupid though."

"That's cos I am stupid. I'm your idiot remember?"

"No you're not. You're my fiance. Now will you shut up and prove you love me?" 

Nikki's grin filled her entire face as she reached up and flipped their positions, although she couldn't resist getting the last word:

"Yes ma'am."

...

"Sir. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice." Shepard saluted as she entered Captain Anderson's temporary office in the Citadel embassies.

"Well I knew you were shipping back out today Commander and I was curious when the receptionist said your visit was personal instead of classified." All sense of formality between them dropped as the door shut behind her and he waved for her to take a seat. "Besides, I've always got time for you Shepard."

"I think I proposed to Trish." The spectre blurted out without any further preamble as soon as she made contact with the chair. 

Surprise, confusion, happiness and amusement all streaked across the captain's face before settling into a fond look that if translated into words would read:  _ only you _ .

"You  **_think_ ** you proposed to Trish?"

"I said some stuff and now she keeps calling me her fiance instead of... what she used to call me. It was all very... me..." She rubbed a finger across her eyebrow, an old tell of nerves or embarrassment that Anderson hadn't seen in years. 

"Look, she's already taken great delight in taking the piss out of me for this so can we skip straight to the part where I ask if you'll be my best man?"

"I'd be honoured." The old soldier smiled. "Although it does depend..." 

_ On what? _ The question was clearly visible on Shepard's face and Anderson continued before she could actually voice it. 

"On whether you just  _ think _ you're getting married or are actually getting married."

The spectre scowled at the teasing. "I'm getting married."

"Then I'd be delighted. When's the happy day?" 

A smile reappeared on her face as she shrugged slightly.

"After Saren."

"I didn't know Saren was getting married, he kept that quiet." 

The scowl returned in full force.

"You know what I mean." She glared and he chuckled.

"Of course. Congratulations. It's been a long time coming. You realise you two have already been together for longer than my marriage lasted right?"

"I'm not sure if that's good or bad, but thanks."

...

It would have been so easy for Shepard to let herself get distracted by thoughts of wedding plans, but they couldn't get married until after her mission was complete. Therefore, instead of letting her mind wander with what ifs and what's going to be's, she told herself she was going to use it as a motivational tool to stay focused on the hunt for Saren. 

The sooner she put him down, the sooner she could make Trish her wife.

_ Wife _ , there was a word that made her smile whenever she thought of it. 

Not that she had  **_time_ ** to think about it, in between reading intel reports for any hint of her target's location or plans and working through training exercises to keep her squad sharp.

Of course with it being such a big deal it was impossible for it not to come up occasionally in her communications with her fiance. 

_ Fiance... That's not such a nice word. It's just awkward, it sounds clunky and foreign. I much prefer partner, or even girlfriend, not as much as wife though. Wife's definitely my favourite _ .

Her fian-  _ blurgh... _ ok, 'future wife' ( _ much better _ ), had tried to get her involved in the planning but she had politely declined, insisting that a) it was much more important for her to focus her planning skills on 'securing a date', and b) she would enjoy the day regardless, so Trish should just plan  _ her _ perfect wedding and it would all be ok with the spectre.

It took less than three hours for Shepard to realise that probably wasn't the best response to give and she quickly composed a new message.

[Re: wedding. 

Actually, I've changed my mind, I do have a few stipulations: 1) I am not under any circumstance wearing a dress. I don't care if it's my wedding day, it is NOT happening!

2) I'm inviting Jude so the location has to be dog friendly.

3) I'm inviting Tali and Garrus so the caterers need to be capable of providing dextro food.

Other than that I'm not fussed. If you need a simple yes/no question answered then I'll get back to you as soon as I can, but otherwise I leave it in your capable hands. 

(Or should that be your mother's hands? I just know she's excited about this. Has she managed to take over all command of the operation yet or is she still acting in an advisory role? Actually, don't answer that, stop distracting me, I'm trying to work, the galaxy's not going to save itself you know.)

Love, Commander Wifey]

...

[To Commander Wifey, (that's another promotion I've missed, I thought you were still Commander Fiance, otherwise why am I still planning all this?)

In answer to your demands: 1) You're going to be a bride, you've got to wear a dress, it's traditional. Now, in order to save time that can be better spent on saving the galaxy, let's just fast forward through the next five days worth of arguments and negotiations to arrive at a compromise: 

How about you wear your dress blues instead?

It's smart, contains the word dress and makes it easy for your side of the wedding party to match. I'm assuming you'll be inviting your Villa chums and they're certainly not going to have time to meet up beforehand to all buy the same suit. 

Also I saw a vid once that mentioned an old wedding rhyme about having 'something old, something new and something blue'. I never paid any attention to it but that can count as something blue.

2) You're too late. I already invited Jude, she said yes. She's my guest now, find your own guests.

3) Ok. Although you do realise quarian edible food is different and harder to find than just simply 'dextro food' right? Just because a caterer markets themselves as 'dextro friendly' doesn't mean it'll be suitable for Tali. Don't worry though, I'll make sure they both have something they can eat.

4) Mum is very enthusiastic right now. So far she's still advising but I fully expect a coup for the leadership soon.

5) Don't blame me. You're distracting yourself.

6) How are you doing with 'securing a date'? You realise I can't actually book the location or any thing else until I have a date right?

Love, 'The future Mrs Shepard']

...

[To 'The future Mrs Shepard' ...

...

...

...

I'm sorry, I had brain freeze for a moment over the awesomeness of being able to call you that. Anyway...

1) That is acceptable. However if my uniform is 'something blue' does that make your uncle 'something old'?

2) Fine, be like that.

3) Thank you, you're the best.

4) Do you need a protection squad? I can send you one.

5) No I'm not! *Looks around shiftily* If Saren destroys the universe before I stop him I'm blaming you.

6) I'm working on it. Slowly. This would be so much easier if he just attacked a place and then stayed there until I could reach him. Or you know, invited me round for tea and scones. Why do the bad guys never do that in real life? They could combine it with revealing their dastardly plans. 

Tell you what, why don't you just decide on a location and if they're fully booked by the time we're ready I'll just commandeer the place for Spectre business. :)

Love, Commander  _ Future _ Wifey]

...

[To Commander  _ Future _ Wifey, (I am never going to get bored of calling you that).

1) I'm so telling Uncle Steve you said that.

2) }

"Commander! I've got the Council on the line." 

Shepard broke off reading the latest message from Trish, barely remembering to acknowledge Joker as she legged it to the comm room.

Hopefully the council would finally give her a credible lead on Saren.

_ Hopefully _ they weren't monitoring her personal comms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought long and hard about whether to give the best man position to Anderson or Garrus. 
> 
> In the end I decided if the wedding took place in ME3 Garrus would probably have gotten the nod, but at this point in time she's been through far more with Anderson than anybody else.


	13. Chapter 13

**Virmire** . The name swam in front of her vision as she read the extremely thorough, and at the same time somewhat limited, STG report for a sixth time. Studiously attempting to absorb every last detail the salarians had been able to provide about the planet.

So far she could quote the atmospheric pressure (0.9 atm), surface gravity (0.86 g), average surface temperature (32 degrees centigrade, she'd had to convert that figure from the salarian unit of measurement 'degrees Tann') and even the orbital period (8.363 Galactic standard years or (again, she'd had to use a calculator) approximately 9.2 Earth years)

She had also learnt that if she saw a four metre long, six legged scaly creature down there then it was best to just walk away. Walk NOT run.

Apparently the beast that the salarians had tentatively dubbed [error: translation not found] was actually a herbivore and wouldn't attack unless it felt threatened, but any fast movements such as running would make it panic and shooting at it made it angry. If angered it switched categories from docile to lethal pretty damn quick and it was relatively immune to standard weapons fire.

The weird running-around-on-land jellyfish type things however were completely harmless. 

There was also apparently several interesting examples of flora that STG were interested in studying further with the intention of creating new and unusual medicines or poisons.

Aside from that, the planet was a tropical paradise. It would have made a great holiday resort if not so close to the Terminus systems and the assorted pirate scum neighbours who would happily pillage anybody attempting to settle the region.

There was no denying the STG report was certainly very thorough with regards to the planet. In regards to Saren's base however it seemed to be lacking a certain something… 

As in, well... anything. 

No photos. No blueprints. Not even a location. 

Shepard had worked with STG in joint operations for the Villa before and usually their reports were so detailed you knew how many computer terminals were in each room, how many beds in the sleeping quarters and how many taps in the bathrooms. There was even a joke among N7s that the STG could tell you the expiration dates of the food in the enemy's fridge.

This time however there was nothing.

It was clear that the original report on Virmire had been written before Saren set up his base and the more recent STG team sent in to update the report hadn't been heard from since. Well, except for the scrambled and unreadable comms burst on a secured emergency channel anyway. 

It was that discrepancy in salarian efficiency that had resulted in a spectre being sent in and Shepard was currently too happy about finding out the Council was actually taking the situation seriously enough to have other people working on it, to be pissed off about being kept in the dark about their existence.

Then again, there was a question mark over whether or not the STG unit were actually there at the bequest of the Council or just the Salarian Union? Either way, it was the first actionable intel she'd acquired in weeks and she wasn't about to waste it.

...

It was a testament to her pilot's skill (and, if she wasn't so humble, her own too) that they were able to perform a mako drop into a ravine. Sure it was a relatively big one, about three and a half mako widths, but considering how much rock there was to avoid it was still an impressive feat.

Her squad were silent as she concentrated on setting them down safely. There was a splash as they landed in the river and their conversations sparked back up almost immediately.

"Wow, it's beautiful." 

Shepard certainly had to agree with that assessment. 

It wasn't often that her missions took her anywhere she'd be willing to take Trish to visit, but damn this place was almost worthy of a honeymoon location. Of course she'd have to get rid of those pesky AA guns before she let Trish near the place. 

She shook her head as she realised she'd let her brain get sidetracked again and started driving.

"Sand, sea, sun, surf." Kaidan was still listing the planet's good points and Nikki briefly wondered if he just liked the letter S or if he'd been working his way through the whole alphabet while she had been fantasizing. "It'd make for one hell of a vacation spot."

"What are you talking about? All I see is rocks." Grumbled Wrex.

"You know I always wanted to fight in a tropical paradise." Was Ashley's contribution.

"Meh, they're overrated... and the sand gets  _ everywhere _ ." The krogan informed her. "Now a museum, that's somewhere I'd like to fight."

"Oh, that sounds like fun. It would be like a much bigger version of an antique shop, I love fighting in antique shops." Garrus joined in and Shepard would have stared at him incredulously if she wasn't focusing on the road. 

Well... the ravine... river. Route. Driving.

"You  _ enjoy _ fighting in antique shops?"

"Only if they're classy." 

Shepard shook her head with a sigh.

"Um, guys..." 

The commander quickly glanced to the side at Tali's hesitant call. The quarian had been monitoring the electronics and it didn't take a genius to realise what was the cause of her concern. The radar was being jammed.

"Well, I've got good news for all those wanting to fight in a tropical paradise."

...

Multiple drones, several armatures, a handful of snipers, juggernauts and rocket troops plus three gatehouses, a colossus and a healthy amount of banter later, they finally reached the salarian camp. 

A camp composed of several tents containing equipment and the remnants of a less than happy 3rd Infiltration regiment.

"We wait for Council reinforcements." The salarian CO informed the newly arrived 'Alliance plus assorted others' forces when pressed for a course of action.

"We ARE the reinforcements."

"You? but we requested a fleet."

"Sorry, the message was unclear. No fleet, but we have got a krogan."

"Saren has multiple krogan." Captain Kirrahe dismissed, seemingly unimpressed by the spectre's attempt at levity. 

Which was fair enough. Everybody was entitled to their own sense of humour, or lack there of. 

What was less ok however, was the way he continued talking about the need to destroy Saren's krogan breeding facility before describing the entire species as 'a mistake'... in front of Wrex. 

Shepard fought the urge to face palm as her friend became understandably upset and threatened the captain before storming off to vent his anger on some nearby rocks.

"Is he going to be a problem?" Kirrahe inquired. 

_ Well he wouldn't have been if you kept your mouth shut _ . Shepard thought as she agreed to talk to the deadly and enraged battlemaster in their midst.

...

"Come on Wrex, whatever happened to 'anyone fighting us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll and that's just business or a favour to the universe'?" Shepard wheedled, using the bounty hunter's own words against him as she sat unthreateningly on a handy boulder beside him.

"This isn't about a few idiot mercs Shepard. If there's a cure for my people-" His shotgun beeped a warning about over heating and as far as Nikki was concerned that was far more worrying than any amount of shouting or posturing. 

The Urdnot warrior had centuries of combat experience, he knew how to ride that fine line between a constant barrage and leaving enough time between each shot for your weapon to cool down so you weren't left defenseless at a critical moment. If he wasn't capable of even that most basic of thought processes...

"Wrex..." Her soft interruption obviously wasn't appreciated as he turned on her angrily and she was thankful she'd stopped by her marines on the way over and given them all a direct order not to interfere, no matter what happened.

"You of all people should understand Shepard! You know the pain of losing a child. Now multiply that by a thousand. Imagine living with the knowledge that no matter how hard you try that will always be the result. Most give up after the tenth or twelfth attempt. My own sister killed herself rather than live without hope and she certainly wasn't the only one. We have suffered enough. I won't sit back and let you destroy the cure!" 

His shotgun was suddenly pointing right at her but Shepard didn't flinch, even though it had cooled down enough to fire again. Instead she merely crossed her arms as she raised an eyebrow at him and stared unwaveringly into his furious eyes.

"Finished?" She enquired tartly. "I didn't say anything about destroying the cure, just the facility." 

Wrex looked at her quizzically, not quite daring to hope as the commander explained her plan.

"The krogan here are puppets for Saren, they're not the great hope for your people Wrex, but I promise you, if there's details of a genophage cure on any of the computer terminals Tali will find it and we'll take it with us." 

The anger drained from his eyes but he was still cautious, centuries of survival teaching him to pay close attention to words both said and unsaid.

"Take with us... But will you actually give it to me?" 

The commander shrugged.

"Didn't know you were a scientist Wrex." She quipped before catching the look in his eyes.  _ Yeah, right, ok, so now...  _ **_so_ ** _ not the time for humour _ . 

"Look, I don't like making promises I can't keep Wrex. If there is a cure I doubt it's sat waiting for us in handy tablet or injection form, we're probably going to need a sympathetic scientist to make use of it and to get that your people are going to have to prove they can be trusted with-"

"We deserve-" The krogan's heated interruption was curtailed by the commander raising a hand.

"I know you do Wrex. The genophage was unforgivable, but that's just it. What if after getting the cure your people seek retribution? I mean, I wouldn't blame you for wanting revenge, but do you really think the salarians and turians are just going to sit back and take it? No, they're going to come up with something even worse than the genophage in response. 'An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind'. There's going to need to be some work on changing the galaxy's view of the krogan and quite possibly your society somewhere along the line. I don't know the answer as to how and what, but it needs to be dragged away from the self-destructive influences left over from your father's reign."

Wrex was silent as he thought about the words of the comparatively little human sat fearlessly in front of him. Finally he extended an arm down in invitation. 

"Let's start with ending Saren."

"Ooh-rah." Came the ever ready reply of the marine corps as she accepted his hand.

...

It was all boots on the ground for this one. 

Not only was the target a veritable fortress defended by an army of geth and krogan forces that they would need every advantage they could get against, but also Shepard was fairly certain that if she  **_had_ ** tried to leave any of her squad behind on the ship they wouldn't be content to sit and sulk and would have damn well mutinied.

Her rather ironically named 'Shadow team' was composed of the Normandy's heavy hitters, namely herself, Wrex and Williams. 

Their call sign hadn't been changed even after the spectre explained to Captain Kirrahe that, while his strategy was sound, fighting the geth was different to fighting organics and thanks to their network intelligence as soon as her team took out their first enemy platform every synthetic on the base would be aware of their presence.

A few tactical tweaks meant that instead of trying to hide Shadow team's existence, they would try and convince the enemy that Shepard's crew were the diversion and the larger salarian force were the real threat they should concentrate on defending against. Kaidan would go with the salarians to act as liaison officer, while Garrus was put in charge of the Normandy's second team.

While initially acting as a support unit, the second squad's primary objective would only come into play once they made it inside the base. To follow in the wake of shadow team and secure as much data or intel about Saren's plans as possible.

Sure the main mission was still to blow this place sky high, but since they still hadn't received confirmation that the rogue turian was even present… the commander didn't much feel like destroying potential leads and going back to floating aimlessly round the galaxy waiting for another tip off. 

Plus there was her promise to Wrex. 

Not that the salarians were aware of  **_that_ ** part of the plan.

Surprisingly it all went off without a hitch. That wasn't to say it was easy. There were plenty of instances where a quick application of medi gel had to be made while hiding behind a wall or a crate or an Urdnot, and by the sounds of things the salarians were taking a hammering. 

Still, they made it inside without any fatalities and having conducted multiple instances of sabotage to help out their allies along the way.

Inside however was another story.

The missing members of the 3rd Infiltration regiment attacked them in a daze. It was like the mind controlled colonists on Feros all over again, except this time pesticide grenades didn't work and they had no choice but to kill them.

More salarians of varying sanity were found in cells and only one, Lieutenant Ganto Imness, allegedly a control subject, was able to talk to them about the horrific experiments carried out by Saren. 

On Shepard's order Tali set to work on the terminals, Garrus and Liara covering her while Shadow team kept pressing forward.

'Always forward, forward always' was the moto of the day as they pushed themselves through cloned krogan and previously in stasis husks. Fighting geth at this point had become a rather mundane part of everyday life barely worth mentioning. 

What WAS worth mentioning however was the surprising discovery of another prothean beacon in Saren's office, just after a delightful discussion with Rana Thanoptis, an asari neuro-specialist who revealed Saren didn't have a clue what he was messing with. At least, that's how Shepard translated the conversation.

"Oh joy, here we go again. Watch the exits for me." She instructed her squad as she approached the beacon. The vision was just as horrifying as always but at least she didn't black out like on Eden Prime this time. 

Actually, in hindsight, interfacing with a beacon in the middle of an enemy base when they hadn't finished clearing it out probably wasn't her smartest decision ever, but at least it didn't come back to haunt her, and she was fairly certain some of those images were new. 

She'd have to get Liara to take a look and see if she recognised any of it from her studies, but that could wait until they were back on the ship.

...

Speaking of ships, the Normandy was truly a sight for sore eyes as she swept in twenty minutes later to deliver the salarian drive core turned nuke. 

Shepard was determined to stay focused on the job at hand, despite the rather horrifying recent revelation that Saren's vessel Sovereign was not just reaper technology but an actual reaper. Keeping her eyes peeled for trouble as the Normandy's onboard marine detachment carried the bomb down the cargo hold's ramp in order to plant it in the geothermal taps that constituted the base's sole weak spot.

In the end it wasn't the sight of krogan breaking through either of the side gates, but rather the sound of Lieutenant Alenko on comms that alerted her to her next fight. 

The remains of the three STG units were pinned down and wouldn't be able to make it to their extraction point. The salarians may have been willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the mission but Shepard wasn't ready to let them unless there was no other choice.  Especially when one of her own was with them.

"Garrus, Wrex with me. The rest of you take care of things here. Williams, you're in charge."

Geth and krogan alike fell to the commander's cool, collected combat style as they carved an unstoppable path towards the AA gun, only brought to a halt when they spied a geth dropship heading for the breeding facility. 

The sleek shape of the Alliance's prototype stealth frigate rose up from where it had been waiting for the marines to exfiltrate, deciding against remaining a sitting target on the ground. It moved in on an intercept course, but wasn't quick enough to prevent geth reinforcements landing.

"Williams, tell me you're all done prepping the bomb and are waiting patiently on the Normandy for me?" Shepard asked.

"Sorry ma'am, still working on it." Ashley's voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of weapon's fire and Tali of all people giving instructions to those shipside marines who rarely got to experience anything more exciting than door duty. "It's too hot for an exfil, might have to forego the final sequence and trigger it manually."

"Negative, don't you dare Chief!" 

Captain Kirrahe had been adamant during the planning stage that once the nuke was ready nothing, not even the geth, would be able to deactivate it and they'd be able to safely leave it behind while extracting to a safe distance. While it was well known that no plan survived contact with the enemy, Shepard wasn't willing to deviate from that particular detail just yet.

"Wrex get back there and help clear the LZ. Joker finish your dogfight and be prepared for a couple of hot pick ups. Garrus, double time, let's go."

...

It was clear from the moment they arrived at the AA gun that the salarians wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer. The geth were performing flanking maneuvers and there was nowhere left for the STG to retreat. 

Not unless they felt like jumping to their deaths off the side of the roof anyway.

The somewhat insane and dangerous split-second decision to blow up a fuel tank succeeded in it's aim of distracting the enemy, the synthetics turning to focus their attention on Shepard. While providing a brief respite for her allies, it resulted in her having to run and gun between the limited (and ever decreasing) amount of cover.

Still, it was nothing she hadn't handled at some point in her career before, although admittedly normally against organic opponents, and slowly she began to turn the tide in their favour. 

Too slowly. 

She saw the rocket flying towards Kaidan but was powerless to stop it. Even though he dodged and strengthened his barrier there was no way he'd be able to simply get up and walk that off.

Somehow Shepard kept her focus, finishing off the last of the machines before running to her lieutenant's side. 

One of the salarians was already hard at work with a first aid kit but before she could run her own diagnostics, a blast of biotic energy exploded on the ground beside her.

In any other circumstances the sight of Saren on a hovering platform would probably have drawn from her a petulant whine of: 'I want one'. Instead she hissed at Garrus to get everyone to the extraction point and ran towards the former turian spectre, firing her sidearm in the desperate hope of distracting him from everybody else. 

The shots bounced harmlessly off his shields and as she ducked back into cover Saren did something she wasn't expecting. He started talking.

For a moment she was dumbstruck, _this isn't a vid!_ In real life the bad guys didn't normally start monologuing to her in the middle of combat. 

Then she remembered her plan had been to serve as a distraction anyway and, since Saren was playing right into her hands, she might as well join in the conversation to buy her allies some more time.

Of course that begged the question: 'what was Saren's plan?' 

She quickly glanced round in paranoia, making sure she hadn't screwed up and wasn't standing next to a fuel tank that the turian could blow up just as he uttered some witty one liner, before doing what any self respecting blockbuster hero would and asking him. 

And the fucking idiot told her!

Not everything of course, but enough. 

Enough for her to realise he was bloody insane. Or possibly (in fact, quite probably) indoctrinated. She briefly wondered which came first. 

It soon became apparent that their differences of opinion wouldn't be sorted by a simple chat. Not least because Shepard could never support even small scale slavery let alone widespread subjugation, and the brief magical interlude came to an end with Saren jumping on his hover board to resume the fight.  _ Not fair, I want one! _

_ Double not fair! _ She thought a few minutes later as, yet again, he flew over her cover and started shooting at her while she was hunkered down waiting for her pistol to cool slightly. 

Some of Saren's attacks hit her, but between her shields and armour the impact was reduced from 'potentially lethal' to 'ow that's gonna bruise'. She ran out of the way with a curse. 

_ Fine, if you want to play dirty. _

Rebooting her tech armour to give her a precious few extra seconds, she turned, switching guns and standing out in the open, playing chicken with the approaching vehicle. 

_ Overload, shotgun blast, shotgun blast and switch targets... BOOM goes the fuel tank!  _

She allowed herself a twisted smile as the explosion knocked him off his perch and the now flightless turian was brought to the ground, putting them on an even playing field. 

The smile didn't last long as an enraged Saren threw away his assault rifle and charged straight at her, shrugging off the incoming weapon's fire like the damn terminator.

That metaphor was far too close to the truth for comfort she realised as he neared, noticing how husk like parts of him looked. 

She rolled out the way but unfortunately Saren was inhumanly,  _ (scratch that, inturianly) _ strong and fast. 

Replaying the last few seconds in her head, she wasn't even sure how she found herself dangling over the edge of the roof, talons scraping along her throat as the turian held her up with one hand and squeezed.

Instinctively her hands jumped to his, trying to pry loose his grip enough to be able to breathe, while prepared to tighten at a moment's notice and hold on for dear life if he should attempt to drop her. 

Her vision started to fade, blackness sneaking its way in from the borders, and it was 50/50 what would happen first; running out of oxygen or Saren forcefully breaking her neck. 

She let fly with a right hook, surprised herself when it connected with enough strength to stagger her opponent and cause him to drop her.

Pain flared briefly as she landed at an awkward angle. Throat burning as she gulped down deep lungfuls of air. 

Saren didn't intend to give her time to recover though, rushing her once more while she scrabbled for a weapon. 

Her hand closed over the grip of her pistol at the same time his closed tight against her trachea once more. 

Despite the point blank range, the only sign Saren gave that he felt the shots was to knock the gun out of her grasp before bringing his second hand in to join with the throttling as she struggled with all her might.

Shepard was dimly aware of her comms crackling in the distance. Someone informing her that the Normandy had picked up the crew from the bomb site and was en route to the salarian's location. 

It took a few precious extra seconds for her brain to fully process what the message meant. 

The nuke was set. Her people were safe. The mission would succeed.

Internally her objectives shifted. She didn't need to beat Saren, she just had to keep him here long enough for the bomb to take care of them both. 

She kept fighting but now the focus was less about getting free and more about making sure he couldn't escape. 

_ I'm sorry Trish _ . 

The blackness was sweeping into her vision once more and she wished the damn bomb would hurry up.

"Commander!" The flanged voice sounded so far away. 

"Shepard!" She vaguely noted it was right in her ear. 

"Damn it Shepard, hold still a moment would you, you're ruining my shot!" 

It wasn't quite an order, more of a desperate plea, but something about the voice made her trust in it and so, meeting the gaze of her enemy with a venomous glare, she stilled.

The sharp retort of a sniper rifle cracked out and Saren pitched forward slightly, his shields taking the brunt of the blow and his grip loosening. 

It took every ounce of mental strength for Shepard to override her instincts and not kick out or attempt to throw him off, remaining motionless so the voice could make a second shot. 

That one got through Saren's defenses. A dash of blue blood splattering onto the commander's armour, but he had moved enough for it to sadly not be fatal.

With a snarl Saren leapt off her and ran. 

Vakarian's rifle didn't have the heat capacity for another shot so soon and Shepard was too busy wriggling like a fish out of water, desperately gasping for air, to be capable of accurately aiming and firing a weapon at the retreating bastard. Even assuming she was able to find any of her scattered weaponry in time.

The Normandy soaring majestically down for pickup had to be the most glorious sight she'd ever seen. 

The image lingered in her brain after she closed her eyes, focusing on sucking in the sweet, sweet nectar that was oxygen. Even with the tinge of burning fuel and the metallic tang of several species' blood in the air, it tasted like blessed ambrosia right now.

A noise had her opening her eyes to see Garrus walking towards her, pausing only to pick up her shotgun. 

He swept an analytical gaze over her, no doubt being fed extra information by his visor, before reaching an arm down to help her up.

"Thanks." Shepard's voice was hoarse and scratchy as she forced the word through her tender windpipe. 

A simple nod was the turian's reply and she noted his clan markings were no longer the only source of blue on his face. At least he looked in better condition than her.

"Don't you dare." She managed to croak out as he attempted to lift her into a fireman's carry and he settled for draping her arm across his shoulders, holding her waist and supporting her weight as they limped towards the Normandy's open cargo ramp.

...

Nikki stared at her hands as the youngest and least experienced member of the med bay staff sutured the various cuts and gashes she'd acquired. 

The assistant's presence had been something of a compromise. 

Shepard had insisted Chakwas and her team focus their attention on the more serious cases; Lieutenant Alenko, Chief Williams, Private Fredricks and two salarians she didn't know the names of, all of whom were in critical condition. 

Meanwhile the doctor had insisted that: no, even with her Villa training, the commander couldn't help with triage or give first aid to the rest of the less serious casualties in the cargo hold until AFTER her own wounds had been seen to.

So she sat there with the adrenaline fading and exhaustion slowly creeping in. Her body was close to crashing but her mind was stubbornly refusing. Not until she knew if her marines would live or die.

Doubt plagued her as she cross examined the decisions she'd made throughout the day. 

_ If she hadn't sent Wrex away could they have prevented Kaidan's injuries?  _

Sure, she didn't expect the krogan to jump in the way of a missile for Alenko, but the extra fire power might have been enough to terminate the geth before it was able to get the shot off.

Then again, Ash was led in the bed next to the lieutenant with just as big a question mark hanging over her life. 

If she hadn't sent the krogan back to help then Williams may well have fallen back on Virmire. 

She still might die. 

Doctor Chakwas said it was too early to know for sure which way either of the marines' conditions would turn.

Ashley had been more than prepared to face her fate, offering to stay behind and trigger the bomb manually, many officers would have let her. 

_ Would the chief's sacrifice have allowed the rest of them to evacuate unscathed? Would that have been better or worse? Lower casualties in exchange for a single fatality _ . 

She wasn't sure, but she expected she'd have hated herself for it either way.

Of course there was still a chance she'd have a much higher fatality count than that by the time they docked anyway.

Private Fredricks would need his leg amputated and that was best case scenario right now. He too was banged up badly enough to be hovering half way between life and death and there was sod all Shepard could do to help. 

Only Chakwas and her team could influence things now. Other than that it was in the hands of the gods. 

She'd never been one for prayer or belief but what the hell, her hands were already clenched together, what harm could it do?

_ God, I don't know if you're there or even exist. If you are then you've probably noticed I'm not much of a believer. Ash is though, she's one of yours and she needs you now, so you better bloody help her.  _

_ Because I swear, if I find out you're real and you let her die I'm going to rip your fucking head off.  _

_ Do you even have a head? You must do, you supposedly made us in your image right? So you- _

"Ok Commander, you're good to go." 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the medical orderly tapping her on the shoulder. It was probably a good thing too. Nikki wasn't much of a theologian but she doubted many deities appreciated being threatened by mere mortals.

With one last guilt ridden look at her trio of marines, she snagged a couple extra crates of medi gel and headed back down to the cargo hold. Its normally vast empty spaces filled by rows of hastily constructed field cots. 

She handed her booty over to the salarian field medic before firing up her omni-tool and getting to work, running the diagnostic program over the next patient in the triage line.

Time must have passed but she had no idea how much or little as she worked her way through the far too high number of casualties. Leapfrogging past the people who'd been treated by her fellow first aiders but otherwise dealing with anybody in her path regardless of species. 

She nodded her thanks to the three fingered appendage that handed her fresh bandages, not even noticing it was her fellow commander, Rentola, until he spoke: 

"You have my gratitude Commander, most people would have left my men behind."

"Yeah, well... I guess I'm not most people." She wasn't sure how to respond but felt like she had to say something, even if her voice was still scratchy from her run in from Saren, dark bruises clearly visible across her throat.

"No, no you're really not." The salarian murmured in muted admiration as they moved on to the next bed where Shepard recognised one of her marines. 

With a quick diagnostic scan, and an even briefer warning to the marine that it was about to hurt, she grabbed Corporal Verstraete's arm to pop his dislocated shoulder back into place. Rentola waiting until the delicate part was over before commiserating: "I'm sorry about Lieutenant Alenko, he was a good man."

"He's not dead yet." Her tone was harsh and likely would have been even without her injury.

"Of course, I'm sorry." Rentola dropped his head in apology. "Still, if there's anything me or my men can do for you, you need only to ask. I'm sure the captain will say the same." 

Shepard was momentarily surprised by the offer, before her eyes hardened in a grim countenance.

"Actually there is something." She indicated the stacks of datapads containing the information Tali and Liara had managed to acquire from Saren's base. "Find me a target."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I went a bit off script from canon, but I just find it really awkward in game how there's a whole host of skilled team mates just hanging around the Normandy when they could be helping on Virmire. That's one thing I really liked about the Suicide mission in ME2, even if you're not using them everybody on your squad is doing something.
> 
> As for why I've put Virmire before Noveria in the story? a) it's an option in game as soon as you've done two main story missions and b) if Saren already has the information about the location of Ilos that is acquired on Noveria then why would he waste time hanging around on Virmire so Shepard can catch back up?
> 
> Anyway, hope you're all still enjoying.


	14. Chapter 14

To say Karin was feeling a little drained as she left the med bay after performing multiple (hopefully) life saving surgeries would be something of an understatement. 

She couldn't head to bed just yet though, she had volunteered herself for the first observational shift so that her equally tired assistants could grab some sleep. 

First however, she was going to grab some much needed nutrients while they finished re-sterilizing and tidying the med bay.

Turning the corner, she wasn't at all surprised to find Shepard sitting in the otherwise empty mess with a cup of coffee and a stack of datapads in front of her. 

There was also a nearly empty jug, formerly of coffee, that suggested at some point the commander had got bored of standing and walking to the counter every time she wanted a refill. Instead choosing to hoard the wonder drug all to herself. A fact that suggested she hadn't slept since coming back aboard from the somewhat strenuous mission on Virmire.

"Doc, how are they?" Tiredness certainly hadn't dulled the spectre's senses at least. Even if the exhaustion was audible in her voice, along with a croaky rasp that came with nearly being strangled to death 

Chakwas had to override the instinct to pull out her omni-tool and start scanning. She knew the commander had already been taken care of, even if it hadn't been herself who treated her, and she trusted her staff.

"I've done all I can. They're stable for now but we need to get them to Arcturus." 

The soldier nodded her understanding but didn't bother breaking off their conversation to issue fresh orders, having already made Arcturus their next destination the second she discovered the severity of their casualties. Instead she stood up to make them both some fresh coffee while the doctor rooted around for acceptable food.

"Individual prognoses?"

"Fredricks will pull through minus the leg. The surgeons at A.M.H will probably give him a choice between a prosthetic or the new clone replacements they've been trailing. As for Williams, it was close for awhile and if she was anybody else I'd still be worried, but she's out of the danger zone for now. It will be a long time before she's fit for combat missions again though. Lieutenant Alenko..." 

Chakwas sighed, depositing a ready meal in the microwave and accepting the proffered mug of hot caffeine before continuing.

"The power he put in that last barrier completely fried his amp and the recoil damaged his implant. It needs removing but I'm not a brain surgeon Commander. Biotic implant replacement surgery has a very low success rate even when carried out by specialists, and the side effects if it does go wrong are highly debilitating at best and often fatal. It's the reason so few L2's upgrade despite the debilitating side effects. All I can do for Kaidan is try to keep him alive until we reach Arcturus."

Karin couldn't help noticing the loosely clenched fist subconsciously tapping a fast but gentle rhythm on the worktop, casually diagnosing it as a physical manifestation of the commander's frustration and sense of impotence at not being able to do anything to help. 

The action ended as suddenly as it started as Shepard pulled herself together and issued a brisk, decisive nod of the head in official response, inquiring: "What about Kirrahe's men?"

"A couple more days in my med bay for observation then he can have them back. I'm confident they'll be just fine."

"Thank you doc..." The commander paused, looking as if she was about to say something else but Chakwas beat her to it.

"Go get some sleep Shepard."

"Too late." She declared, waving her newest, almost empty, coffee cup for emphasis but could only muster half a grin.

"I have drugs that can counter that."

"No thanks, besides I have reports to write."

"And how's that going?" The older woman asked knowingly, earning a grimace.

"Well... we've left the ship..." 

Karin shook her head, repressing a faint smile as she retrieved her food and headed back to the infirmary.

"Sleep Commander, I don't want to see you here next time I come out."

...

The next few hours passed both excruciatingly slowly and quicker than Chakwas was expecting as she updated her patients' medical records in between monitoring their vitals and replacing IV bags. 

She also contacted the Arcturus Military Hospital's admissions team, letting them know the expected arrival time, number, and condition of patients so they could inform the relevant departments to be on stand by.

By the time that was finished she still had over an hour left until her relief was due, so she opened up one of the many medical journals she was subscribed to, planning to catch up on her reading.

Even her brain's usually indomitable thirst for knowledge had its limits however, and after reading the same paragraph four times without it making any sense she gave up, giving her patients another check before resorting to going through her personal emails.

Needless to say, she'd never been so glad to see another person as when Lieutenant Chavasse finally walked through the door to relieve her. The sentiment going double for the steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hands.

"The commander's compliments ma'am." Chavasse stated as he passed it over and Chakwas felt her cheer evaporate at his words.

"Let me guess, she's still out there?" 

Her assistant gave a shrug that she interpreted as an affirmative, but her frustrated frown dipped into a sigh of content as she took a sip and savoured the taste of bliss on her tongue. She'd thought it a fluke with the coffee, but apparently Shepard's eye for detail included paying attention to precisely how her officers liked their drinks.

After completing the handover to Chavasse, Karin reentered the mess with the remains of her cocoa. Shepard was sat in the same chair as before, glaring at her datapads.

"I thought I said I didn't want to see you out here? Attempting to bribe me won't save you."

"Doc! You look shattered, you should go to bed." Nikki proclaimed, not attempting to defend herself against the charges levied against her.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you." Chakwas stated, her previously unamused voice darkening further as Shepard picked a mug off the table: "Take one more sip of that coffee Commander and I'll give you a stomach pump." 

Nikki froze comically, the beverage half way to her lips, eyes darting calculatingly between Karin and the cup. Finally the first honest smile since Virmire crept onto the spectre's lips, the doctor raising a reproachful eyebrow. 

"Wipe that grin off your face, don't think I won't do it."

"Oh no doc, I know you would. I remember you handcuffing Anderson to the bed one time." 

The doctor chuckled.

"I remember you making inappropriate jokes about the situation."

"I blame the drugs." Nick shot back without missing a beat. "I would never  _ dream _ of making such comments about a superior officer normally."

"Of course not." Karin agreed in a tone of voice that suggested otherwise. "Now go get some sleep Shepard, I mean it this time. Otherwise I'll be forced to declare  _ you _ unfit for duty and chain you to a bed somewhere."

"Alright, alright. You win." The spectre held up her hands in surrender. "Just give me a minute to-"

"Now." 

_ On second thoughts... _ Shepard thought morosely. At least in her cabin nosey doctors wouldn't be able to observe what she was or wasn't doing. 

She made a mental note to get a coffee machine installed in her room next time they docked somewhere civilised as she gathered her datapads and made her escape.

"The next time I see you I'll be checking the sleep data on your omni-tool." Chakwas warned the retreating figure, having spent far too much time around N7s to be fooled by the sudden capitulation to her will. 

Shaking her head, the doc quickly headed to her own bed, more than happy to follow her own advice.

...

Fredricks was the first of the critical cases to wake or, more accurately, the first to be taken off the sedatives and allowed the chance to wake. 

Swimming in painkillers and covered in a blanket, it wasn't immediately obvious to the private that he was now missing a leg. The job of carefully breaking the news fell to Chakwas and it wasn't one Shepard envied.

Having said that, she wasn't exactly thrilled with her own task of talking to the council either.

At least she'd managed to get some sleep before the call. She was sorely tempted a couple of times to hang up on them and wasn't convinced she would have resisted the childish urge in her previous state.

She supposed she should be thankful they weren't telling her off for setting off an improvised nuke; 'Thou shalt not use Tier 3 WMDs on a garden world' ranked pretty highly on the list of galactic laws after all, but that would almost be preferable to their current conversation. At least she could understand why they'd be pissed about the nuke, except apparently they weren't. Instead it was:

"Our own intelligence has never turned up any corroborating evidence." 

_ Where have I heard that before? I swear your 'intelligence' couldn't find an asari in a strip club! _

"What about the STG report from Captain Kirrahe?" Was her actual, far more professional, response. 

"The report on Saren cloning krogan and his research into mind control techniques, this... 'indoctrination', is indeed cause for concern. However there is still no concrete proof that he is working for anyone other than himself."

"Try to see this from our perspective, Saren is a threat we can recognise. However as far as we know the reapers only exist in your visions." 

_ Great so now you're accusing me of being crazy. I bet Saren didn't have to put up with this much shit when HE was a spectre. Actually, maybe he did. Maybe that's why he went rogue and wants to unleash the 'vanguard of our destruction' upon us. _

Somehow she got through the call without hanging up, swearing at the council (not out loud at least) or committing any acts of treason. Although it was a close run thing. As was so often the case after a talk with her new bosses she was left with an overwhelming urge to visit the gym and pummel the heavy bag into oblivion for a good half hour, but she restrained herself, deciding to check on her troops instead.

...

"Damn ma'am, what happened to you? You look worse than me." Was the far too cheerful greeting from Fredricks as she entered the med bay.

"Ouch, and to think I came bearing gifts." Shepard took mock offense.

"For me?" The young private sat up excitedly.

"Nope for your roommates." She deadpanned dropping a datapad off on the bedside tables of the still unconscious Alenko and Williams as she passed, before handing the final pad and a bag of gummy bears over to Fredricks, stage whispering conspiratorially: "I managed to smuggle these in from your squad. Don't tell the doc."

That earned her an eye roll from Chakwas who was sat within hearing range in the corner of the room. The doctor didn't protest though, she was used to the eccentricities of Alliance marines, and at least the commander had the sense to private message her in advance to check it would be ok before charging in and gifting unauthorized food substances to patients. 

Fredricks accepted the confectionary eagerly, popping one in his mouth without even looking at it as he fired up the datapad to scroll through the multiple well wishes from the crew.

It was easy to judge how well a person knew him from the message left. The 'Get well soon's and 'fingers crossed for a speedy recovery's of casual acquaintances interspersed with his teammates calling dibs on borrowing his crutches, inquiring as to the finer details of his successful action plan for 20% weight loss in just one week, and declaring him: "an absolute leg... wait for it, wait for it -end".

It was dark humour. Military humour. The kind not all civilians understood and Nick had received more than one light cuff to the shoulder from Trish in the past for using it in inappropriate situations when surrounded by 'normal society'.

Fortunately the occupants of the med bay weren't what Trish would term 'normal' and so Fredrick laughed instead of becoming outraged when he reached for another sweet and finally realised that his battle buddies had painstakingly gone through the pack and cut a leg off every single bear in the bag.

"I best be off, I think the vampire queen wants to see me." Shepard finally ended their long and varied conversation after a suitable amount of time spent entertaining Fredricks and boosting morale.

"Careful Commander, I can always find a bigger needle." Chakwas added, aware what Shepard was up to and content to play the pantomime villain if it raised a smile from the young marine whose life plans were so freshly torn apart. 

The two officers continued acting around, Shepard even making funny faces for the private's benefit until they were sequestered away in private.

"How's he really holding up?" Nikki asked, instantly becoming serious once she knew they couldn't be overheard.

"Not nearly as well as he pretends, but thinking he's got me fooled is about the only form of control he's got right now." The doctor admitted as she started her checkup. "Hopefully your stories about Larrson will help. Making him laugh while subtly reminding him this doesn't have to be the end of his career unless he wants it to be. Although I'm not sure removing a prosthetic and pretending to be injured in the middle of a shopping mall car park is the kind of activity I should be encouraging."

"I will never forget that salarian's face, and the elcor's reaction was priceless." The soldier chuckled. "Been a long time since I admitted to anyone I was part of that prank."

"What about Larrson, is he still serving?" 

Shepard shook her head.

"No. Turns out even the best prosthetics in the galaxy can't help you outrun a thresher maw." She stated darkly before instantly perking up. "So how's it looking? Am I fit for duty?"

"As long as by 'duty' you mean walking around the ship giving orders and not running around being shot at then sure. I'll even include the word 'light' in your file so you don't get confused."

"And there was me hoping for dark duty." She joked. 

Even though the commander wasn't arguing against the decision, Chakwas could still see the look in her eye. The one she'd seen on so many soldiers before. The one that said:  _ but I  _ **_feel_ ** _ fine. I was in much worse shape after Day 3 of N whatever and I managed to complete that no bother. _

"Just because you  _ can _ do something with your body at less than peak efficiency, doesn't mean you should. The body benefits greatly from being allowed to recharge to 100% every now and again instead of being reused and abused every time you get close to 90%." 

Nikki nodded.

"What about melds? Much as I hate it, I could do with a second opinion from Liara about the new bits of vision from the second beacon. It's like a damn rubix cube right now. I know I've got all the bits of the puzzle but every time I manage to get the angle right in order for one bit to work, I lose another section from somewhere else. I just can't figure out how to twist it so it ALL makes sense at once."

"I'll allow it. As long as you take the necessary precautions like sitting or lying down. Why the vids insist on doing it standing up when the participants' legs could collapse under the strain and potentially lead to concussion, I'll never know."

...

"Ilos! The conduit is on Ilos!" Liara exclaimed, sitting up rapidly as she ended the meld.

"Great, I'll tell Pressly to start plotting a route from Arcturus. We can go as soon as we drop off the wounded."

"It's not that simple Commander." The asari quickly burst her bubble. "I recognise it from my Prothean studies but Ilos is only accessible through the Mu relay and that was lost four thousand years ago."

"How do you lose a relay?" Shepard stated incredulously. Liara opened her mouth to answer but the commander stopped her with a wave of her hand. "You know what, doesn't matter. Different question: Will Saren be able to find it and what will he do if he can't?"

"I don't know. It was originally in rachni space when it was lost but after the rachni wars the borders shifted and the area became part of the Terminus systems. It is possible Saren may find some clue, but it is notoriously difficult to find a cold object in space."

"So short of camping out in the Terminus and hoping Saren comes to us, we're essentially back where we started?" Nikki clarified with a sigh. "I'll talk to Pressly and Adams anyway, see if either of them have any ideas."

"But... Nobody's seen it in four thousand years. What makes you think your people will have any luck."

"Sometimes all you need is a fresh pair of eyes. Besides, how much of that four thousand years was actually spent looking and how much was spent saying 'it can't be found, there's no point trying'? Look... It's that or sit around doing nothing while the STG trawl through all that data from Virmire looking for something useful."

...

"Woah! That's not supposed to be there!" Joker called from the cockpit as the Normandy's automatic anti-collision failsafes pulled them out of FTL speed, mere seconds after Shepard arrived in the CIC. 

_ I either have the best timing in the world or the worst _ .

"Impossible. I took the X57's movement plans into consideration when I plotted our course. We should fly straight past." Pressly assured them, even as his hands moved over his console.

"Switch to stealth mode." Shepard ordered as she made her presence on the bridge known. It might just be paranoia but she'd learnt to trust her gut instinct in these situations and it was screaming at her now. "Status report."

For some reason it was the Normandy VI that answered her before any of her crew could. "Sensors reveal three fusion torches propelling Asteroid X57."

"That is the usual way of transporting asteroids." Someone muttered before Pressly interrupted with what she wanted to hear. Well... what she needed to hear at least, want was another matter entirely.

"X57 is off course by 4.29 degrees, if it continues at current rate of speed without correcting course it will crash into Terra Nova in just under four hours."

"Nearest Alliance ship?" Shepard queried, after all she was restricted to light duty and trying to get her critically wounded to Arcturus as soon as possible.

"Five hours and twenty seven minutes, full burn speed."

"Commander I'm picking up a distress signal from the asteroid. Patching it through."

{Hello? Hello? I thought I saw a ship. Can you hear me? Please don't be gone already. They haven't found me yet but I can't talk long. Please, shut down the fusion torches or we're all going to die. God I hope your hearing this.}

"Wrex, Tali, Garrus. Suit up. Low gravity, zero atmosphere." The commander ordered over the comm system before turning to Pressly. "Find me an insertion point as close to one of the torches as possible without being seen. You have the deck."

The XO nodded as she turned on her heel and ran towards the cargo bay to suit up. 

_ Chakwas is going to kill me. _


	15. Chapter 15

"How's my favourite corporate goddess doing?" 

Trish blinked at the strange greeting as she answered the vid call.

"Wow, ok. That's a new one. What do you need?" Her eyes narrowed as her customary visual check of her fiance discovered the bruises around her neck. 

**_Old_ ** looking bruises, that she hadn't seen before.

She didn't have the time or energy right now for the argument that mentioning it would provoke, but she made a mental note of it for later.  _ That idiot told me she was fine when I called her after hearing about Terra Nova on the news! _

"Who said I needed anything?" The soldier protested.

"The corporate goddess, that's who. Either you need something or you've overdosed on medigel, which is it?"

"Hey! I'll have you know I've not even been shot at this week."

"It's only Tuesday Nick, it's not that big of an achievement. Especially when you spent the last two days on Arcturus." That had rankled slightly. The first time in months that Nikki was within a shuttle ride of home and Trish had still been on the citadel and unable to see her. 

Then, later, when she found out why her partner was visiting the Alliance HQ in the first place, she'd had to feel guilty about that being her first response.

_ 'Williams and Alenko got knocked up pretty bad and Fredricks had to have his leg chopped off, we're dropping them all off for further treatment.' You missed out the bit where you were nearly strangled to death by a fucking krogan! _

Ok, so maybe it wasn't a krogan. Trish was just speculating at this point _.  _ She didn't actually know the details _. Mainly because my idiot fiance hasn't told me about it! _

Said idiot was still happily making small talk, blissfully unaware of her partner's ire.

"Actually you might be surprised how many fights break out on Arcturus. Lots of off duty service personnel with a limited choice of drinking holes. Inter-ship and regimental rivalries sometimes flare up."

"Good point, you only said you hadn't been shot this week, does that mean you've been stabbed, knocked out or blown up?"

"Not yet."

"Hmm, 'yet', very reassuring. Do try and keep that streak going as long as possible, I'll have you know that the corporate goddess is a vengeful goddess... and also very busy."  _ You have no idea how lucky you are about that second point right now _ . "Was there a reason for this call?"

"Do I need a reason to call my beautiful and amazing future wife?" Nikki attempted to turn on the charm but wilted under Trish's less than impressed look. "Alright, alright. Geez... try and give someone a compliment these days... You're a businesswoman right? You walk in corporate circles." 

The civilian raised a solitary eyebrow, sometimes she wondered if Nikki even knew what her job was. 

"And I'm a soldier, I... don't..."

"The point Nick? Much as I love you, I'm supposed to be working and I've got a meeting in twenty minutes." Loathe as she was to admit it, the charm had slightly cooled her wrath.

"Right, right, sorry. Didn't you have a business trip on Noveria a few years back? What can you tell me about the place?"

"It's bloody cold! Umm... The entire planet is owned by the Noveria Development Corporation, a consortium of about two dozen private companies. The main investors all have their own large, independent research facilities out in the Skadi Mountains, but there's also smaller research labs they rent out to anyone who can afford them. It's outside of citadel space which means outside citadel laws, and they  _ really _ don't like anyone or anything that could interfere with either science or profits."

"Are you sure you're not a spy? You literally just summarised the entirety of Alliance Intelligence's report on the place." Shepard joked, desperately trying to not think about the last time she'd had to interact with corporate scientists operating without Citadel oversight. It had taken hours for the squad to finish wiping creeper pus off their weapons and armour.

"No, but I am a corporate goddess, goddesses are omniscient you know." Trish deadpanned, causing the soldier to chuckle.

"Hmm of course, how could I forget? Anything else the folks at intel don't know that you can give me?"

"I don't know, I don't know what your folks at intel know."

"What! I thought you were omniscient?" Shepard smirked as her partner raised a solitary finger at the camera.

"Well, I'm sure even the guys at intel know that you'll have to fly into Port Hanshan, and the board doesn't let anyone carry weapons except their private security force."

"What if I play the spectre card?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. There weren't any spectres visiting while I was there. Outside Council space technically mean it's outside your jurisdiction but since most the companies' headquarters are inside council space you might be granted an exemption. If they do then I'm willing to bet it will only apply to you, not your crew." 

Nick nodded her understanding. 

"Worst case scenario I'll send you a code that sabotages ERCS weapons since that's who provides the security, and I assume you'll still have that knife you N7s love so much on you?"

"Hey, it's not  _ our _ fault it doesn't set off weapon sensors!"

"Of course not dear, and it's complete coincidence you always forget you have it on you. Just be careful."

"Of course. Careful is my middle name!"

"No it's not, it's Jane."

"Shh, you're not supposed to  _ tell _ people. I still don't know why my mother thought you needed to know that..."

"It's not like she actually told me. I just happened to be in range when she was shouting at you..."

"I don't even remember what that was about."

"I do. You were-"

"Hey don't you have a meeting to get to?" The soldier was quick to interrupt what she was certain would be an embarrassing story.

"I've got a few more minutes. Besides, goddesses are omni-present."

"I'm going to regret ever calling you that aren't I?"

"Mmhmm." Trish nodded in agreement. "You're right though, I probably should go. I'll message you if I think of anything that could help."

...

_ If there's one thing I should know about Trish by now... _ Shepard mused as she sat on some crates in the Port Hanshan docks, casually playing skyllian five with her crew as if she didn't have a care in the world, all under the watchful eye of a noticeably irritate Sergeant Stirling while the port security team ran the necessary checks on her ID.  _ It's that she's always right. _

"Thank you for your patience Spectre. It all checks out." Captain Matsuo informed them as she bustled out of the small security office to join them. "You may keep your weapons, but I'm afraid I can't allow your associates in unless they disarm." 

There was vocal protest from Wrex and Garrus but Shepard silenced them with a simple hand gesture.

"Enough grouching, do it or wait on the ship. Your choice guys."

They made a show of begrudgingly handing over the weapons they'd taken out of the Normandy's lockers and individually walking through the weapons scanner while Nikki sauntered through with an entire armoury on her back.

"Captain, surely she doesn't need that much ma'am?" Sergeant Stirling protested. "She even has two shotguns! Why would anybody need two shotguns?"

"You never know when one of them's going to overheat." Shepard stated airily. "Second brigade Mindoirian girl scouts, 'always be prepared'." 

She was glad that Liara and Tali were staying on the ship for the moment. THREE shotguns, four pistols, Garrus's sniper rifle, an assault rifle and a submachine gun would probably have been a little much. 

Especially when a quick extranet search would reveal there hadn't even been a  _ First _ brigade of scouts on Mindoir.

As it was Captain Matsuo clearly wasn't fooled by the single assault rifle, sniper, two pistols and two shotties she was toting. Wearing a rather unimpressed 'I don't get paid enough for this' face.

"Spectre's are authorized to carry weapons, Sergeant." She replied tiredly. "It doesn't state anywhere how few or many." 

The Normandy team remained straight faced all the way to the elevators.

...

Shepard already hated this planet and she hadn't even left Port Hanshan yet. 

Somehow Administrator Anoleis had managed the impossible and made an even worse first impression than Udina. Shepard would have been impressed if she wasn't so frustrated.

In between insulting her background and paraphrasing the old maxim 'time is money', he managed to confirm Benezia's presence at Peak 15, along with about a dozen commandos and a lot of very large crates containing he had no idea what. Somehow Shepard doubted whatever it was was benevolent, even if it had passed weapons screening.

Unfortunately that was the extent of his usefulness. Both his assistant Parasini and the port's chief mechanic were far more forthcoming with information, although neither were willing to simply let her into the garage.

Parasini had at least provided the name of someone who might be able to help, but Shepard wasn't in the mood for a wild pyjak chase (she'd had enough of that on Eletania) and decided to try her own approach first.

"Hey babe, you were right." Nikki had the common sense to check the vicinity for surveillance equipment before calling home. She'd already been approached by an asari trying to convince her to bug a competitor and wasn't stupid enough to think they was the only person in the place willing to stoop to such tactics. 

Unfortunately she was only offering money as a reward, not a garage pass, otherwise the spectre might have been tempted.

"I'm always right." Trish was as modest as ever. "What in particular are we talking about?"

"Noveria is cold, corrupt as hell and I can't wait to leave. Oh and uh..." She grinned as she tilted her shoulder so Trish could see the squad's weapons on her back. The civilian rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"So what are you calling me about this time? You don't need directions to the toilets do you, because I'm fairly sure you could ask a local."

"Oh sure," Nikki chuckled. "Apparently they can give me a map for 200 credits or 360 for the deluxe edition. Just how can you have a deluxe edition of a map? Anyway that's not why I'm calling... I don't suppose Kassa has anyone out here who you could contact and convince to lend me a Noverian garage pass?"

"Ah. They're playing that game are they? Sorry Nick, Kassa doesn't bother with a permanent presence out there. We only rent labs when we need them, the rest of the time we conduct our R&D in Alliance space."

"Do I want to know why you'd need to rent a lab out here?" There was a wariness in the spectre's tone but Trish simply shrugged dismissively.

"Last time we wanted to run tests on how the colossus armour would hold up against illegal ammo mods. Couldn't exactly import illegal rounds into Council space without getting in trouble so we took the armour outside instead."

"Fair enough. Look I'd love to chat some more but my mission's not solving itself. I need to figure out how to get a garage pass before Benezia leaves the damn planet."

"Is Opold still there?"

"Who?"

"Hanar merchant slash smuggler, has a shop near the elevator to the docks. I'm sure he'd be able to get you a garage pass but he'd probably insist on a favour in kind rather than credits as payment."

"I'm not even going to ask how you know that. Alright, if things don't work out with Lorik I'll give him a go."

"Good luck, sweetie. Oh and when you do get outside be careful, I don't want you losing any more toes."

Nikki huffed at the jab even as it raised a smile.

"Hey, I checked the planetary guide, it's nowhere near as cold as Antibaar out there."

...

_ It is fucking freezing out here! _ Shepard thought silently to herself, continuing to try and remain stoic as Garrus made another comment about turians not liking the cold, despite the fact she'd offered him the chance to stay on the ship when they collected the rest of the squad. 

Unfortunately the geth must have put anti-freeze in their conductive fluid because they didn't seem to be adversely affected at all.

The journey to Peak 15 was certainly hazardous, whiteout conditions making it almost impossible to see the geth until they were almost on top of them. 

Or, more commonly, until a sudden burst of light and heat signified a rocket flying towards them and it was only the commander's quick thinking and even quicker reactions that saved their lives, hitting the thrusters and jumping the mako over the missiles. 

Liara and Tali were justifiably concerned but Shepard and the boys seemed determined to turn it into a sport, counting the number of successful jumps out loud.

After an undefeated 21 jump streak, they finally reached the facility. Nikki couldn't help wondering just how large these damn crates of Benezia's were, as there didn't seem to be any end to the number of geth arrayed against them. Still, variety was the spice of life and after mere seconds inside they found themselves under attack from organics.

"Garrus, Tali take the juggernaut. Wrex you've got the krogan on the right. Liara, we've got the one on the left." Shepard ordered as she threw a grenade. 

A third krogan was spotted to the side and the spectre silently cursed. They needed to take care of things quickly before he could join the fight.

That problem took care of itself, the juggernaut suddenly turning to face the unengaged krogan as Garrus and Tali switched their attention to the smaller geth swarming the room.

"Nice one Tals!" Shepard enthused as she fired her shotgun at point blank rage and side stepped the charge of her now blood raging opponent.

...

"When did my life become a horror movie?" Nikki lamented as they crept through the metal corridors of Peak 15, the squad understandably on edge at the slightest noise. 

One moment they had been making scrap metal out of geth and the next they were under attack by giant bugs.

Well ok, a mix of giant bugs and tiny, suicidal, acid exploding bugs that were so small and fast that they were hard to accurately shoot before they were close enough to do damage. 

"Anybody got any ideas what these things are?" She received a series of differently worded negatives in response, and decided it didn't matter what they were as long as they could be killed.

Eventually they reached the VI core. Tali managed to reboot it and they were given a rather dire update on the situation and a long list of problems that needed to be fixed before they could continue. 

Shepard bit back a groan, wondering just how long she had left before either Benezia escaped or the Noverian executive board decided to launch the orbital antimatter warheads that made up part of the failsafe responses against a Code Omega containment failure. 

_ We don't have time for this. _

"Ok, Wrex and I will take the roof and fix the landlines. Garrus you lead Team two and repair the reactors."

...

"You know, I didn't want to say anything in front of the kids but..." Wrex started once they were alone on the freezing rooftop. 

He paused to obliterate a swarm of little horrors with his shotgun before pivoting to punch one of the big bugs in the face. Shepard was too busy peppering their foes with her assault rifle to look at him but hung onto every word as the battlemaster continued:

"This reminds me of the stories my grandfather used to tell me about the rachnhi wars."

"I thought the rachni were extinct?" Now that he mentioned it she could see a resemblance to the grainy vids from that conflict. Of course there were some differences; like they were unarmed and not surrounded by a mushy mountain of krogan and salarian dead, but certainly enough similarities to be worried about.

If a geth presence on Noveria was enough to trigger an investor panic, live rachni was enough to trigger a galactic meltdown if it became public knowledge.

"They were. The old council demanded it and my ancestors made sure of it."

"Well, maybe these things are something new. Rachni and keepers can't be the only giant bug species in the galaxy." Nikki tried to stay optimistic but realistically she knew the chances of this being a first contact scenario were minuscule, and when it came to scientists anything was possible.

"Let's hope so, Shepard. Last time it took three centuries and millions of krogan lives to stop them and that was before the genophage brought us to our knees. Next time round we won't be so much help. If these are rachni and they get loose, the galaxy's in trouble."

...

"Binary Helix plan to clone rachni. Mass-produce them. Create an army." 

_ Why!? Who could possibly think this would be a good idea? Can you even spell stupid? _ Shepard mentally bemoaned as she shared a look with Wrex. When they left the ship to find Benezia this morning she hadn't expected to have to combat a second galactic extinction level threat.

_ Speaking of Benezia _ ... Captain Ventralis had assured her the Matriarch was down here but the large room was empty save for the lone scientist sitting in the middle, and he was adamant he hadn't seen her.

"Contact!" 

Suddenly the room wasn't quite so empty, rachni popping up seemingly out of nowhere. 

Fuckers were fast too.

A claw ripping through Tartakovsky before she could pull him to safety. 

They fought their way across to the control room on the other side, Shepard dragging the scientist's body along with them.

"Wrex, Liara secure the door. Tali, Garrus search this room for vents." The commander ordered as she rifled through the dead man's pockets.  _ Please tell me you wrote the activation code down! _ "Mira, is there an asari in the hot labs?"

"There is an asari I am unable to identify standing behind you." 

Wrex chuckled while Liara remained less than impressed beside him.

"I meant, are there any other asari down here? Preferably a matriarch. Lady Benezia."

"None within my sensors" 

A shotgun blast to her left signified Tali was securing a vent.

"How many of these things are there?" Garrus asked rhetorically but the VI decided to answer him anyway.

"I'm sorry. The sensor network is too damaged to provide an accurate count."

"Take a guess." Wrex contributed.

"Guessing is outside my programming parameters." 

Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Guys stop messing with the VI." She finally found an OSD with the code on it. "Mira, activate the neutron purge!"

...

"What could I say mother?! That you're insane? Evil?" They'd finally found Benezia and Liara was understandably distressed. Nikki felt for the young asari, she really did, but she didn't take her eyes off her target. 

They'd always known what the most likely outcome of this encounter would be and she'd given the archaeologist a final chance to back out before descending into the hot labs where they originally thought they'd be facing her. In hindsight it was probably a good thing she hadn't stayed behind with Ventralis.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit? Few people have." Benezia tried to psych them out and Garrus and Tali seemed suitably unsettled, fortunately Wrex was looking out for them like always.

"Yeah I have. They die like anything else." The krogan's inspiring words signaled an end to the conversation, the matriarch enveloping the squad in a powerful stasis field. 

When Alenko had still been aboard the Normandy the commander had developed a training exercise where the squad split into two teams, the biotics worked on strengthening their stasis on a living target while the non-biotics attempted to break free. Even with that training however, Shepard wasn't sure they would have been able to regain movement before the incoming commandos turned them all to swiss cheese if they hadn't had the skills and experience of a battlemaster on hand. 

The battle against the matriarch was arguably harder than the recent duel against Saren and Nikki was glad to have her squad fighting beside her this time.

...

They had the coordinates for the Mu Relay. Apparently so did Saren. Benezia had had a brief moment of clarity when she'd been able to fight off the indoctrination and talk to them. Shepard couldn't decide whether that was better or worse for Liara. 

Her mother had got to say goodbye and insist she was proud of her, but at the same time, now the maiden was probably wondering if there had been any way they could have saved her.

Tali and Garrus were keeping watch in case of further hostiles while Liara took a moment to grieve. Normally there wasn't time on a battlefield, a fact Shepard always drummed into her troops, but these weren't soldiers they were civilians and besides, she and Wrex were busy with the rachni queen.

"There's enough acid rigged to that tank to kill anything."

"Nice to see stupidly evil scientists actually take sensible precautions for once." Shepard opined as she studied the controls.

"Watch out!" 

The spectre spun round, pistol raised at the warning to find one of the dead commando's lurching drunkenly towards the tank with vacant eyes. 

She had thought herself immune to surprise by now, but the rachni queen using the dead as a mouthpiece was certainly unexpected. To the best of her knowledge no rachni had ever attempted to communicate with any of the other species before.

The asari had tried of course. Attempting to negotiate a ceasefire shortly after First Contact, much like they had between humanity and the turians, but received no reply. 

The salarians had attempted to surrender after the first few decades of war found them on the back foot and rapidly losing territory, but no response or quarter was given.

The krogan had... Ok, so the krogan HADN'T actually bothered trying to talk to the bugs, but then by the time they'd been uplifted and joined the fight the war had already been waging for nearly a century and the council had declared the rachni an enemy to galactic stability and ordered their extermination.

Whatever way you looked at it, this was undoubtedly one for the history books. Or at least, it would have been if the mission reports weren't going to end up so heavily redacted and classified that even the commander would struggle to get hold of them without resorting to spectre codes.

The queen certainly talked a good game, but then it wouldn't be the first time someone lied to her in an attempt to save their own skin. Vakarian's old foe, Dr Saleon, merely being the most recent example. All sapient life would try it's hardest to survive, and that included saying and promising just about anything to a would be executioner.

Liara seemed convinced by the rachni's pleas. Or maybe she'd just seen too much death today and was desperately grasping at the chance to save someone, anyone, in the hope of there still being some good in the world. 

Despite being the second oldest aboard the Normandy in terms of number of years alive, the asari was still the youngest in terms of maturity and naivete.

Garrus actually had a good idea, suggesting they let the council make the decision. Considering she had the feeling they'd criticise her decision no matter which way she went, it was certainly a tempting idea. Unfortunately they were unable to connect to any external communications systems outside Peak 15, even with Mira attempting to boost the signal and Shepard wasn't willing to leave the queen just sitting in the tank while they buggered off to make a call.

Anything could happen. More scientists could claim her or she could escape on her own and feel entirely vindicated in any retribution plans.

No, whatever happened, it would need to be decided before they left this room.

Wrex seemed astonished that she was even allowing the rachni a chance to speak, he was clearly worried about her being swayed. She could hardly blame him. Apart from the salarians his people had suffered more than any other species during the first war and they were the only ones there in the tunnels on Suen at the bitter end.

To him it would seem like both a betrayal of his people's sacrifice and the perversion of the only time in their history the krogan were seen as the 'good guys' on the galactic scale.

She wasn't about to commit murder purely as a result of peer pressure though. 

Then again, there was also the matter of her oaths to consider. Shepard had sworn two in fact. One when she joined the Alliance, to protect their people and their planets, and another upon being inducted into the spectres. To promote and maintain galactic peace and stability... no matter the cost.

_ The genocide happened millennia ago, I'd merely be maintaining the status quo. _ Shepard sighed, she wondered how many times she'd have to tell herself that before she believed it. 

That was the problem with tough decisions, there was no way of knowing the right answer and they were very easy to regret. All you could do was compare possibilities.

_ What was the best case scenario if she saved the queen? _ A peaceful cohabitation with a new species. 

_ Worst case scenario? _ A Second Rachni War. The krogan unable to replenish their numbers fast enough to fight a war of attrition due to the genophage and none of the other species strong enough to hold out.

_ And if she killed the queen? _ The opportunity to prevent any possibility of a war breaking out between their species in the future, saving untold millions of human and council races' lives. Versus having the death of one innocent being on her conscience. 

Just one more nightmare to join her collection alongside Akuze, Operation Amadeus and all the others.

_ "Queens can lay eggs in hours and have a colony in days." _ Shepard remembered the scientist's words. 

Even  **_if_ ** this queen could be trusted, all it would take was for just one of her offspring to rebel against her teachings and the galaxy would be thrown into turmoil. Could she really afford to take that risk?

"I'm sorry." She actually meant it as well, she reflected as she manipulated the tank's controls. Wrex nodded, pleased with her decision. Tali and Liara turned their backs and even Garrus looked at the ground to avoid the gruesome spectacle, but Nikki couldn't turn away.

She watched the entirety of the last rachni's painful and horrific death. Swallowing down the bile that tried to rise in her throat. Her stomach turning at the sight. Committing every gory detail to memory. 

She owed the queen that much at least.


	16. Chapter 16

Shepard had a long history of wanting to punch things after talking to the council. She had always managed to control the urge before, but this time she wasn't sure if she'd be able to restrain herself. 

The annoyance, irritation, anger,  **_rage_ ** growing with each step she took back to the Normandy.

False promises from politicians was nothing new of course, but Pressly had just finished plotting a course from Noveria to the Mu relay when they were called back to the Citadel to rendezvous with the fleet. 

They could have been half way to Ilos by now if she hadn't believed their lies, but she'd known how close her team had come to defeat on Virmire, and the idea of bringing reinforcements for the rematch was highly appealing.

Only when she'd arrived at the council chambers they'd talked about blockades and defense.

Worse, they weren't just not giving her backup, they were taking her off the playing field altogether. Locking down her ship and ordering her to 'let it go'.

_ Of all the stupid, imbecilic times to play politics. _

Somehow she made it back to the Normandy without exploding. 

Only a skeleton crew were present as she strode through the relatively quiet CIC and down to the empty mess deck, unbuttoning the jacket on her dress blues as she went to reveal the general issue, long-sleeve technical t-shirt she usually roamed the ship in.

She'd nearly made it to the safety of her cabin when the words:  _ backstabbing little shi- _ passed through her mind and her left fist swung out of its own accord, hitting a nearby locker with a satisfying thud. 

She pivoted on her feet, fist already winging its way forward for another clang, and her arm was halfway back in preparation for a third throw when she regained enough self-control to realise it wasn't worth the risk of a broken hand.

She turned her back to the locker and slumped to the floor with a sigh, letting the jacket drop and struggling to get her breathing back under control. It wouldn't do for a member of the crew to walk round the corner and see her like this. 

_ Shit, the crew.  _ How the hell was she supposed to tell them that they'd been stood down? That the last few months were for nothing and they'd been ordered to leave Saren and his giant ass reaper ship, Sovereign, alone.

_ Sovereign... What an antiquated word. _ She knew it meant ruler, a king or a queen, but she couldn't help the way the word niggled at her subconscious. She was reminded of being back in the mud at the villa; 'asshole instructor no.2' shouting at her.

_ "Did you even read the damn book last night? When I ask for the nine variables, I expect to hear all of them! Can you even count Two-Six?"  _

_ Shepard had dragged her tired body up the obstacle course's scramble net as she continued to quote by rote the bloody book that she'd had to read at stupid o'clock this morning, while her fellow trainees got an extra hour's sleep: _

_ "There are some roads not to follow; some troops not to strike; some cities not to assault; and some ground that should not be contested..." She gasped a lungful of oxygen as she pulled herself over the top and started back down the other side. "There are occasions when the commands of the sovereign need not be obeyed." _

Back on the Normandy, Shepard's breathing had evened out, her eyes hardening with steely determination as she remembered another quote: "When you see the correct course act. Do not wait for orders."

Sure there was a stark difference between acting without orders and acting in direct contravention of an order, but her job was to protect galactic peace and stability. She couldn't stand around and do nothing while the council put the fate of the galaxy at risk.

Besides, they were the ones who had authorised her to end the threat posed by Saren using 'any means necessary', and they hadn't put a time limit on that order, or included any stipulations such as 'until we order you otherwise'. 

As far as she was concerned, ignoring their act of lunacy  **_was_ ** necessary.

This wasn't over. No matter what the council thought. Her brain whirled as it analysed the situation.

If the Normandy was grounded then she'd just have to find another way to get to Ilos. Fortunately her villa training had included multiple ways to hijack a ship and it wasn't the first time she'd made use of that particular skill. Although admittedly, doing it on the Citadel would prove a new and interesting challenge.

Shepard dragged herself to her feet with a renewed sense of purpose, grabbing her hoody and a spare, unregistered omni-tool before heading off the ship. 

She had a mission to plan.

...

Anderson ignored the loud pulsing music as his eyes carefully combed the crowds in Flux for his target. He finally found her in the corner with a half empty bottle of booze, another finger's worth in a glass beside her. The perfect picture of the stereotypical worn down soldier turned to drink, except that he knew Shepard had been tee-total for years.

_ If the Council managed to make her fall off the wagon they need more than a sharp- _ His thoughts were interrupted as he got close enough to read the label on the bottle and realised it was  **_his_ ** drink of choice.

"I wondered if you'd come looking for me." The spectre stated mildly as she turned off her ( _ no, not 'her',  _ **_an_ ** ) omni-tool and topped up the glass of whisky, sliding it over to him. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I wouldn't say no to a rum and coke." The old N7 answered casually, knowing what it was she was really asking and noting how her body relaxed as he confirmed he wasn't there to bring her in. It was a good thing he still remembered their own personal secret code.

Many a time in the past they'd acted as each other's contact with the real world when one or the other of them had to infiltrate a merc group or other unsavoury organization, and bars were by far the least conspicuous place to meet up. It was amazing how many prearranged messages you could encrypt into a drinks order.

"I'm sorry Shepard, I heard what happened. I wanted to warn you, but there was no way to get a message to you before you docked."

"Hmm, you could have left a boulder and a bottle of ryncol waiting on the docks for me."

In other words 'Ryncol on the rocks', their old code for 'shit's hit the fan, get out of there NOW!' 

The thought of leaving physical messages in bar code had never even occurred to him before but fortunately Shepard's tone was light, acknowledging his words and not blaming him in the slightest and he found himself chuckling.

"I'll remember that for next time."

"Next time?" She raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Just how many times are we planning to piss off the council?"

"At least once more I'd wager from the look of you." He nodded towards her cover alcohol and the untraceable omni-tool. "You're not giving up are you?" 

The commander shook her head by the minutest amount. 

"Do you have a plan yet?" 

She weighed him up appraisingly before flicking the omni-tool back on with a nod.

"I need to get to Ilos, that means I need a ship. I've narrowed it down to three possibilities so far." 

Anderson was impressed as he listened to the reasonings behind her choices, trying to balance out the need of speed, firepower, shields and ease of hijacking. Unfortunately there was one fact she was ignoring.

"You'll be ripped to shreds as soon as they see you come out the other end of the Mu relay." 

Shepard glared at him, mistaking the criticism of her plan as a lack of support for her mission and the captain was quick to continue. 

"So long as you're going to be stealing a ship you might as well steal the best, and there happens to be a ship docked on the Citadel right now that can get you into the Terminus systems undetected."

"The Normandy's grounded, Citadel control's locked out all of her systems and even I'm not mad enough to storm the council chambers at gun point to take them hostage and order my ship released." The spectre quickly dismissed, smart enough to decipher which ship he meant but still failing to note the key detail of the whole affair.

"The council didn't ground the Normandy though." Anderson pointed out patiently. "Udina did." He watched as Shepard's face morphed from confusion to understanding as the penny finally dropped. "The order can be rescinded from the ambassador's office."

"I'm a fucking idiot!" She groaned with a double facepalm, her old friend and mentor chuckling across the table. 

He didn't interrupt as he watched her take the new information and run through possible scenarios in her head. 

Following her thought processes through the changing crease of frown lines on her face, the occasional twitch of lips or shake of her head as she concocted and tweaked a plan on the fly. 

Finally she looked up at him with a grimace.

"There's too much distance between Udina's office and the docks. Even if he hasn't put an order out to be informed the moment I'm sighted in the embassies, there's a high chance of someone reinstating the lockdown before I can get back to the ship. I might be better of going through the Citadel control center."

"You might..." Anderson acknowledged, leaving out the part about it being a restricted area with armed guards. They were both N7s, she'd get in the same way as he would. " **_Or_ ** you could make use of someone on the inside who already has a desk and a reason to be inside the embassy. All you'd need to do is make sure the Normandy's ready to fly."

"That's treason Sir." She pointed out, as if there was even a remote possibility he might not have realised the fact for himself. It was concern rather than accusation in her voice though. They both knew the penalty if they were caught.

"No more than what you're doing. I'd rather be court martialed by a galaxy that's safe than watch the reapers destroy us because Saren found the conduit while we did nothing. At least this way you'll have more of a chance than with your dumb ass plan." He attempted to inject some levity into the conversation. 

Her eyes narrowed as she ran through it all again before nodding with a sigh. It would have to do.

...

"Have you ever really, really wished you were wrong about something even though if you're wrong you'll be branded a traitor?" Shepard asked as she sat watching the screen on her desk in the captain's cabin aboard the Normandy. 

The Mako was prepped, weapons checked and she had half a dozen different vague outlines of a plan ready to tweak when they finally arrived at Ilos and found out what the situation was. There was nothing left to do but wait, and she hated waiting. 

At some point she had decided to vid call Trish, it hadn't taken long for her fiance to work out something was wrong and start questioning her.

"No... I can't say I have." Trish replied cautiously. "What've you done?"

"I'm going after Saren."

"Well yeah, I know that. That's pretty much been your prime directive since you were made Spectre."

"Yeah but this time I know exactly where he is and what he wants. Even if I'm not entirely sure what what he wants actually is." 

Trish was looking somewhat confused, Nikki could practically see the words: 'isn't that a good thing?' broadcast in giant neon lights across her face. 

"Aaand I'm ignoring a direct order from the council to not go after him."

"What! Why?"

"Because it's a stupid ass order!"

"No, I meant why the hell are they ordering you to stand down? They're the ones who instructed you to bring him in in the first place."

"I don't know, cos they're stupid ass people?" Nikki scowled and Trish chuckled despite herself. "Apparently they don't want to risk a war by sending a fleet into the Terminus systems."

"Well fine, don't send a fleet into the Terminus. I fail to understand how that translates into not letting you go. Wasn't the whole point of making you a spectre so you could hunt down Saren without sending fleets into dubious parts of space?"

"That's what I thought, and what with him wanting to acquire something that he reckons will help him destroy the whole galaxy I decided to ignore them and steal the Normandy-"

"You stole your own ship?" The civilian asked incredulously.

"They put it under lockdown." Nikki shrugged with forced casualness. "Still, look on the bright side, it'll all be over soon and we'll finally be able to pick a date for the wedding. Although... If I get court martialed for this I probably won't be allowed to wear my dress blues." 

Trish stared at her fiance in disbelief.

"I think we'll have bigger things to worry about than what you're wearing to the wedding!"  _ Like galactic annihilation if you're right and a firing squad if you're wrong. _

"That's true. Have you decided on a flavour for the cake yet?"

"That's your idea of bigger things to worry about?"

"Mhmm." Nikki nodded adamantly. "I might be starting to regret putting you in charge of planning if you don't agree. You  **_need_ ** to sort out your priorities."

"So... Saren, the geth, these reaper things, you're not worried about them at all?"

"Nope, not really. They're just minor obstacles on the path to getting cake. It's important to have goals in life, know what you're fighting for." 

Trish could see a faint slither of nerves and apprehension in her partner's eyes and body language but it was well hidden and if Nikki was so determined to pretend otherwise, to seek a few moments of distraction and the illusion of normality, then who was she to deny her?

There was, however, one thing she wasn't willing to let slide.

"Oh really? So you're not fighting to see me again then?"

"Of course I'm fighting to come back to you babe." Nikki was quick to assure her, pausing a beat before adding with a grin: "You've got the cake!"


	17. Chapter 17

Shepard had  **_told_ ** them not to scream on the way down. 

The fact that what they were doing was crazy and bordering on suicidal meant she needed to be able to concentrate even more than usual.

**_Not_ ** be distracted by unnecessary noise.

After all, Pressly had been half right when he stated you needed 100 metres of open terrain for a mako drop. 

That  _ was _ the minimum recommended safe distance listed in the manufacturer's operation manuals. However the shortest confirmed successful drop in a combat zone was 76 metres and the current training record at the Villa was 42.8m. 

Shepard knew because she had set it.

Twenty metres was half that. 

It was unthinkable. 

Insane. 

Even Murdock, her pilot for the Villa stunt, wasn't mad enough to suggest trying it and he had later been declared certifiable. 

Still, those records had all been carried out on the old Hastings class frigates. The Normandy had much better specs. 

Plus Joker kept claiming to be the best pilot in the Alliance and she had smashed every IFV related record in Villa history. If anybody could pull it off it would be the two of them.

Joker was confident at least. 

Then again he wasn't the one that would go splat if anything went wrong. 

Shepard spent a few more minutes confirming the proposed approach trajectory, making sure they were both on the same page and knew what the other was doing, before heading down to the cargo bay. 

She geared up, strapping herself into the driving seat of the mako and telling the squad to stay quiet for the next few minutes and let her focus. No matter  _ what _ happened.

In fairness, at least they waited until she'd hit the ground.

"Uh, Shepard?" Garrus was just unclenching his muscles after what had to be the scariest moment in his life when he suddenly realised they didn't seem to be stopping. 

In fact, if anything, they seemed to be picking up speed. 

The commander didn't acknowledge him and he followed the direction of her narrowed gaze to find Saren walking backwards away from them, his eyes locked onto the mako as the bunker doors started closing between them. 

"Tarc! SHEPARD!"

"FUCK!" The human swore as she took her foot off the throttle, slamming it onto the brakes and wrenching the steering wheel round. The mako skidding to a halt mere centimeters outside the very solid and now undisputedly shut door. "Tali, see if you can hack it open. Everyone else covering fire."

...

Trish's work colleagues could tell there was something wrong with the brunette within minutes of her walking into the office. It was like her body was present but her mind wasn't as she kept glancing at the news screen in the corner, almost as if she was waiting for something to happen.

She'd nearly called in sick this morning with how nauseous she was feeling, but she was aware enough of her own personality and foibles to know that sitting at home with nothing else to do but worry was not a good idea. And worry she certainly was.

So far there had been no mention of her fiance's unauthorised flight from the Citadel. No claims of humanity's first spectre going rogue or committing treason and needing to be brought in for justice. Trish was certain it was only a matter of time. 

She couldn't work out if she was glad about the prior warning from Nikki or not. 

Finding out from an impersonal news report would likely have left her distraught, but she didn't feel particularly strong or whole right now either. 

She certainly wasn't productive.

Realising she wasn't going to get any of her own work done any time soon, she decided to head over and chat with Matthias, the project lead on the new tech armour Nikki had been field testing for the last couple of months. 

He was more than willing to boast about the latest improvements to the project and the distraction was working right up until he proudly declared:

"We've finally found a way to manually trigger that energy pulse field like your Nikki wanted. It still overloads the shield resulting in a good two minutes before the defensive properties can be brought back online, but she assures me the explosion is worth the trade off."

"Wait, what!? You're telling me she's planning on deliberately destroying her own shields in the middle of combat?"

"Ah, I'm guessing she didn't tell you about the incident with the biotics." At least Matthias had the decency to look contrite.

"I'm going to kill her!" Trish declared with feeling, but the look of anger on her face quickly transformed into one of dedicated focus that her co-workers were much more familiar with. "Let me have a look at the code a moment. There's something I've been working on for Polaris that might be able to help reduce cooldown times for you."

...

Liara felt as if all her birthdays had come at once, certainly her muscles were sore and weary enough to have aged a century or three since the mission started, but the archaeologist inside her was thrilled at all the new discoveries. Almost like little presents with Ilos being the planet that kept on giving.

First it had been what the rest of the team had dubbed 'those creepy statues'. Tali had been unable to hack the door, forcing them to search for a control room and they'd discovered row upon row of the seated figures. 

They had to be well over 60,000 years old but were remarkably well preserved, excluding the one the commander had briefly taken refuge behind that had promptly lost its head and shoulders to weapon's fire. Geth armatures didn't seem to be programmed with an appreciation or concern for historical artifacts. 

As they continued on their way to the objective Liara wondered what the statues were supposed to represent. The tentacle mouths proved they weren't a collection of famous protheans, perhaps some kind of deity or mythical creature? Either way, they were like nothing she'd ever seen before.

Then they reached the control room and found actual working prothean technology! 

Well ok, according to Shepard 'working' was a bit of an exaggeration. The recording was heavily degraded, only a few words distinguishable, but even that was more than what was found on most prothean planets. 

Not to mention the implications and possibilities of the discovery that the Feros cipher had apparently transferred an understanding of the prothean language into the commander's brain. 

The asari hadn't recognised a single word despite decades of study and she wondered if she could convince Shepard to share the cipher with her when this was all over. It could completely revolutionise her work.

An understanding of Prothean hadn't been necessary for their next discovery however. A VI calling itself 'Vigil' had been monitoring their comms since they landed and managed to piece together enough of their language to communicate with them all. 

Shepard had focused on the five key questions: who, what, how, when, why, and the answers had been universe shattering. 

Liara would have loved to spend more time talking to Vigil, her head filled with a thousand questions, but the knowledge that Saren could open up a portal to dark space and allow the rest of the reapers through to wipe out sentient life was enough to convince her to turn her back on the pinnacle of her career. Although it was still so hard to walk away.

"T'Soni, let's go! You can come back after we save the galaxy."

_ Yes _ , Liara thought as she jogged to catch up with the others.  _ I definitely have to come back here. _

...

David Anderson was  **_not_ ** having a good day. He was starting to think he should have gone on the run after punching Udina after all. 

However going on the run was what a guilty person would have done, and he had no intention for his obituary to read 'killed while resisting arrest'. 

Instead he had sat calmly and patiently at the ambassador's desk, sending out orders or suggestions (depending on rank) to those members of the Alliance he could trust.

C-Sec had arrived before any Alliance MPs and so he had been forced to spend the night and most of the following morning in a C-Sec holding cell; his eyes closed as he sat with his back against the wall, desperately trying to ignore the drunken singing from the cell next door.

He had never seen the musical version of 'Fleet and Flotilla', and now he was certain he never wanted to. How he wished for the silence and solitude of an Alliance brig. Even if it did mean he would be one step closer to a court martial.

"Anderson! Your escort's here." Came a bellow down the hallway.

_ Finally _ , he smiled grimly to himself, not opening his eyes until he heard footsteps halt outside his door.  _ Sometimes wishes do come true _ .

He stood, walking over and offering his arms through the bars so he could be handcuffed before they let him out. As he was marched away an argument broke out between his erstwhile neighbours over who would make a better Bellicus. 

Thankfully the transfer paperwork had already been taken care of by the time he reached reception and he didn't have to wait. Even so, they had only just made it to the parking lot when the first distant explosion ripped through the air, shortly followed by the faint indistinct chatter of far away weapons fire coming from the direction of the Presidium.

"Who would be foolish enough to attack the Citadel?" One of his guard's asked as they all instinctively took cover.

"Five hundred credits says it's geth." Anderson replied with forced casualness, shrugging as the corporal looked at him. "Shepard did try warning people."

"Shut up. Don't talk to the prisoner." The squad leader tried to take control, pushing the N7 into the Alliance shuttle. 

The enforced silence left him alone with his thoughts and they weren't pleasant. If the geth were here then Saren must have achieved his goals on Ilos, the question was whether Shepard had been too late to stop him, or did she arrive just in time to be overwhelmed and killed by the rogue turian?

He dragged his mind away from such dark topics, focusing his gaze outside the window to the chaos unfolding on the ground below. 

He should be down there. Helping protect and evacuate the civilians. Or fighting back the geth invaders. 

His attention was caught by the relay monument, the rings spinning and glowing blue like the giant transport devices dotted around space it was supposed to represent.

All of a sudden something shot out from nowhere. It looked like an Alliance mako but surely he had to be hallucinating? 

A glance at his escort confirmed they'd seen it too. An expression of pure befuddlement on their faces.

"What the hell was that?"

"Shepard." Anderson declared with a sudden sense of certainty, hope beginning to rise in his chest. "Commander god damn Shepard." 

He laughed, the marine detail watching warily as he shook his head in glee. Only stopping when the vehicle jerked suddenly, sobering instantly as they crashed towards the ground courtesy of a hit from a geth armature cannon. 

Near their impromptu landing site, a group of geth were dragging screaming civilians towards those strange husk creating spikes. 

It looked like he was going to get to fight today after all.

He quickly took off his handcuffs, earning another horrified look from the poor men assigned to bring him in.

"How..."

"I'm an N7, son. I could have escaped at any point in the last twenty hours, I just didn't want to. Now are you going to sit there gawping, or come with me and show these geth what humanity can do?"

He didn't wait for a response, breaking into the shuttle's weapon locker for a standard issue assault rifle before stepping out onto the war torn Citadel.

...

Saren watched Sovereign attach itself to the Presidium tower with a strange sense of detachment. 

Surely he aught to feel something? Pride in a job well done. A sense of accomplishment for years of work finally coming to fruition. Horror at what he was about to unleash. 

_ Hang on, where had that thought come from? _

It vanished as quickly as it came, the fear of his thoughts being altered disappearing before he even had a chance to fully realise he'd had it.

He was unsure how long he'd stood there, effortlessly and thoughtlessly inputting commands on the control panel before gunfire erupted in the council chambers behind him and he turned to find that dratted Shepard woman rapidly advancing towards him. 

The human was like a varren with a bone, never letting go no matter how hard you kicked it. It was infuriating.

_ Imagine if she was on our side. _

Why would he ever want a human on his side? They were responsible for his brother's death. 

_ All organics will share the same fate in the end _ .

Again, the thought did not feel entirely his own. 

He didn't have time to analyse it now though, the heavily armed mixed species squad behind him presenting a much more pressing issue as he casually stepped off the end of the podium, dropping onto his personal anti-grav transport. He decided to take out his confused frustration on the human, throwing a grenade in her direction, but she had the gall to dive out the way of the blast. 

_ See what I mean? Infuriating _ .

To make matters worse, not only did she not die, but Saren swore he heard a petulant, almost childlike whine of: "Not again! Why don't I ever get a hoverboard?" 

He aimed his pistol, ready to fire the moment he had a target, but was stopped by a thought insisting he make her see. Make her understand and join them.

It was a bloody stupid thought, another part of him stated. When you're winning you should go for the kill, not give the enemy time to recover.

Despite his protests he felt his mouth open and heard his voice say: "I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time Shepard."

"Sorry if I kept you waiting, traffic was a nightmare and don't even get me started on how slow those Citadel elevators are. In the end I decided I'd be quicker walking." 

She was bantering. 

The dawn of the reapers was here, the end of this cycle nigh, and the damn human was bantering. 

How he hated them.

"You've lost. You know that don't you?"

"I'm still breathing, don't count me out just yet." 

Shepard risked glancing round her cover as she called out. Finding the rogue spectre's attention fixed firmly on her position, she pulled back so he couldn't see her and gestured to Garrus on the other side of the stairwell. 

Her turian companion nodded and started crawling backwards.

"In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel systems. The relay will open and the reapers will return." Saren was still talking. It had seemed stupid to Shepard at first, but now it made a bit more sense, he was simply stalling for time.

"A few minutes? Bah, that's plenty of time for me to stop you." Her words were strong and confident, but in the privacy of her own head Nikki could only hope she was right about that.

"You survived our encounter on Virmire, but I've changed since then, improved. Sovereign has upgraded me."

"Oh yeah? The Bluewire mark seven is an improvement over the mark two, but it's still a shit omni-tool." 

There it was again. That mocking. That inability to take things seriously. Of all the spectres in the galaxy, why did the council have to send a human after him?

_ Just kill her, she can't help us, better to kill her now _ . 

He wasn't even sure which of the voices in his head were his and which were Sovereign's any more.

"You don't understand Shepard, there is a place for organics in the new order." He tried once more to make her understand. Or at least, his voice did, he wasn't entirely sure why he was bothering. Or which side he even wanted her to be on. 

"The reapers need men and women of action, people like us, Sovereign recognises your value, you've impressed it. Surrender to the reapers and you will be spared. Join us and we can find a place for you." 

She laughed. Spirits help him, the damn pyjak laughed.

"Don't tell me you believe that? I thought you were supposed to be intelligent. The reapers would never see us as allies, merely tools. They're just using you and once you help them destroy everything good in this galaxy they'll just throw you away. No, I'd rather die fighting than live like that."

"Then you will die, you and your companions. Everyone you've ever known and loved."

_ Oh hell no _ , Shepard thought. Her sense of humour vanishing in an instant as she wondered if Garrus had had enough time to get into position yet.  _ Try and kill me all you want, but you do  _ **_not_ ** _ get to threaten Trish.  _

The turian was still talking, sounding almost desperate as he insisted the reapers couldn't be stopped.

It reminded her of the bone chilling message on Ilos, but the last cycle's scientists had kept working after the destruction of their people and given them a chance. It was a chance Shepard intended to make the most of.

"Think it through Saren. Sovereign needs you, he can't bring the rest of the reapers through without your help. Stop helping them. Resist. Stand aside and we can end this now, before any more make it through. Sovereign's just one ship. A fucking big one granted, but if we work together we  **_can_ ** stop it."

"The reapers won't give up. They'll find another way." 

A series of clicks in her ear informed her her teammates were in position and she made sure her shields and tech armour were both on max before standing up in front of Saren.

"Perhaps, but not today. And not through the Citadel. That gives us an advantage none of the previous cycles had, and if we push them back today then we'll have time to prepare for them, they've lost the element of surprise now."

"Maybe you're right, maybe there is still a chance for- urgh!" The turian grabbed his head and Shepard recognised the mental struggle between puppet and master from her talk with Benezia on Noveria.

"Sovereign is too strong. I'm sorry it's too late for me." He declared before several things happened at once, the world slowing down as Shepard watched events unfurl before her. 

One of Saren's hands placed his pistol under his own chin, even as the other tried to throw a grenade at her. 

Meanwhile his shields flickered and faltered as Tali hit him with an overload. 

The familiar sharp retort of Vakarian's sniper rifle rung out a split second later, seemingly echoed by the sound of the ex-spectre's own pistol. 

Wrex biotically batted the grenade back to source and Nikki felt her skin tickle as Liara covered her with a barrier. 

There was a moment where the turian simply wobbled in place, the various different forces impacting on his body canceling each other out, before he toppled from his perch and crashed dramatically to the ground below them.

"Well..." Shepard paused, struggling to think of a suitable witty remark before shaking her head. They didn't have time for one liners. 

Instead she gave the go-ahead for Tali to upload Vigil's data file while she used her Spectre authorization codes to listen in on the various channels and frequencies in use around the Citadel and among the fleets, trying to get an idea of what was happening to the bigger picture so to speak.

It wasn't looking good. Sovereign was inside the closed arms, clenched tight round the tower as it attempted to signal it's brethren. 

Several geth drop ships had also made it inside but the bulk of the enemy fleet remained outside, the vast majority of them focused on bringing down the Destiny Ascension, while a mere handful bothered engaging the rest of the Citadel forces.

"Normandy to the Citadel. Normandy to the Citadel. Tell me that's you Commander?" It seemed her channel jumping hadn't gone entirely unnoticed and Nikki smiled as Joker's voice sounded in her ear.

"You were expecting someone else?"

"Ares, god of war, or possibly the tooth fairy. Instead I somehow got a mix between the two." The pilot replied with impressive speed.

"I can't work out if you're calling me the god of teeth or a war fairy." Shepard shot back and Joker chuckled before suddenly remembering the gravitas of the situation.

"Uh, I'm sat out here with the entire Arcturus fleet any chance you could open the relays and let us in."

"Will do, soon as I figure out which button to press." Her study of the control panel was interrupted by noise of dissent among her team. "Uh, guys? Can we maybe save the galaxy first, argue among ourselves later."

"Sorry Commander, we just heard a distress call from the Destiny Ascension. They can't hold out much longer and the council are onboard."

"Sod 'em, they wouldn't listen to us before, why should we listen to them now?" Wrex declared churlishly, everybody else was quick to add their own opinions, varying between purely emotional responses and actual tactical reasonings.

"ENOUGH!" The N7 bellowed. "Tali, I need the relays unlocked and the arms open now. Wrex, Garrus, make sure Saren's definitely dead." 

They muttered slightly at the obvious piece of make-work, but obeyed anyway.

"I hope you know what you're doing Shepard." A final remark on the way past. 

_ I hope so too _ , Shepard sighed but kept the thought to herself.

"We heard the distress call too Commander." Joker quietly piped up. "What's the order, save the Ascension or focus on Sovereign?" 

It felt like an age, but was only mere seconds as her brain whirred through the possibilities and made a decision. Knowing that either way the casualties would be high.

_ Forget the council a moment, they're not even supposed to be there. Their evacuation ship is usually the Libero, they probably only changed at the last minute because they realised Saren would know that.  _

_ The reason the geth are focusing on the Destiny Ascension is because she has the largest main gun in council space, possibly in the galaxy. She's the biggest threat to Sovereign out there.  _

_ The planetry defense cannons on Eden Prime didn't even cause a scratch and the Fifth fleet doesn't have anything that can come close to matching the DA's firepower. _

"We need to save the Destiny Ascension." Shepard finally decided. "Don't let her leave the system afterwards though, I get the feeling we're going to need her guns."

...

Saren, it turned out, hadn't been quite as dead as he was supposed to be.

An oversight that Shepard and co had been only too keen to rectify. 

There was no doubting the result the second time round, although there was little time to celebrate it when the destroyed remains of Sovereign were rushing towards them.

**"Run!"** Shepard shouted, and that was the last they saw of her until the rescue crews showed up. Captain Anderson in tow.

"Take it easy, you're safe now. Where's the commander?" His heart sank slightly as he followed their pointing hands in the direction of an even bigger bit of debris, but he didn't have to worry long.

"When you dig her out, punch her." Garrus declared resolutely without trace of sympathy. "She's been singing the same damn song over comms for the last fifteen minutes." 

With that ominous warning, he left the med team with the Normandiers and headed out to find his protegee.

"Three blind... jellyfish."

Anderson suddenly understood the turian's request as he neared the rubble. The voice was quiet and dry, pauses for breath where there shouldn't need to be, but it remained infuriatingly determined.

"Three... blind jelly-fish, sittin-... on a rock. 'Long came a wave. Wah-wah-...  _ fuck! _ Two-... two blind jellyfish. Two-"

"I think that's enough, don't you Shepard?"

"Anderson!" Her grin was interrupted by a coughing fit, specks of blood making their way out and he rushed to her side in concern. "Anderson, I need you to tell Trish something for me."

"Don't be stupid Shepard, don't talk like that." He started, but she grabbed his hand and motioned for him to come closer.

"Tell her... tell her I want triple chocolate ice cream at the wedding."

"GOD DAMN IT SHEP! Tell her your bloody self." 

She burst into pained laughter and he gave a light punch to her shoulder, prompting a not very believable 'oww' sound. 

"Serves you right." He lifted the chunk of metal that had been pining her down, enabling her to wiggle out, although she needed help standing. 

They made their way towards the others, Shepard hissing through gritted teeth with every step.

"So," Anderson started, hoping to distract her. "Any particular reason you were torturing your crew with children's songs?"

"Was... practicing."

"Practicing for what? Villa SERE training instructor?"

"No." She chuckled, trailing into a cough. "Me an' Trish… we've been talking. After the wedding, we're gonna try IVF."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks, bit early yet though. No guaran- guarantee it'll work... and there's still a… a few more lo- logistical details we need to d- decide on. Fingers crossed though."

"Well, I wish you luck."

"Thanks... Hey, Anderson?"

"Hmm?"

"Shouldn't you be in the brig?"


	18. Chapter 18

"You made the news again." Trish declared as she ran an analytical gaze across the vid screen image in front of her.

"Good news or bad news?" Shepard inquired warily and Trish couldn't hold back her laugh.

"I don't know, what would you consider stopping Saren and saving the Citadel to be? Of course, it's good news!"

"Hmmph, I don't know. I was half expecting the press to criticise the fact I took so long and made a mess of the Presidium or something." The soldier admitted. "They usually manage to find a fault in my work somewhere."

"Not this time. Well, not yet anyway. So... how badly hurt did you get?"

"It's like you have  **_no_ ** confidence in my abilities! Why do you always assume I must be injured after a mission?"

"Because I know you." Trish declared resolutely, before admitting: "Plus I can see the hospital room in the background. So, I'll ask again... How bad are your wounds?"

"Depends who's asking." Nikki answered evasively. "If it's you then I'm fine, if it's someone trying to round up volunteers to clean up the Presidium then: 'I'm terribly sorry, doc says I've got to stay in this bed'."

"You're sat in a chair." Trish scoffed.

"Pfft, details."

"Of which there are remarkably few in your description. How many broken bones are we talking?"

"Hey!" Nicola protested the assumption loudly, before continuing at a more normal volume: "Just two actually. I'm surprised how good a condition I'm in, all things considered. No new scars, only the one bruise."

"Yeah right!" Trish clearly didn't believe her.

"It's true! Admittedly it covers most of my body... There was probably more originally but they all sort of merged together, I'm just one giant bruise under this uniform. Oh that reminds me, I can still wear my dress blues to the wedding."

"Oh good, I was worried we'd have to change the whole colour scheme." Trish responded in a dry voice.

"Speaking of weddings... did you get my list?" 

Trish rolled her eyes, she didn't need to ask which list.

"We are not having a twelve tier wedding cake! You need to start vetoing some of those flavours." 

The spectre equipped her best set of puppy dog eyes but Trish had over eight years experience to immunise herself to the effect and shielded herself with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay..." Nikki finally relented in a small voice. "What if we get rid of the fruit cake?"

"The fruit cake's the traditional part! What are we supposed to give the old fogeys?"

"That's your problem, I don't have any old fogeys on my side of the guest list."

Trish shot a rather unimpressed look at the camera before her devious mind came up with a trump card.

"Uncle Steve likes fruit cake." 

Nikki pointed a finger, mouth open ready to retort before closing it, knuckles brought in to graze against her teeth in thought. Finally she used both hands to gesture with in order to emphasize her words as she offered:

"We could make a  _ small _ fruit cake for Hackett, and anyone else who wants some can fight him for it."

"Nikki..." Trish didn't say anything else but then again she didn't need to. The reproachfulness was audible in her voice. The younger woman sighed in defeat.

"Fine... the one's who want something boring can have the victoria sponge and those who want fruit can have the chocolate orange."

"Umm, when did we approve a chocolate orange layer?" Trish queried, bringing up the list on her omni-tool.

"About twenty seconds ago when I first thought of it."

"You realise we're supposed to be narrowing down the choices, not adding to them right?"

"But it's chocolate orange! You can't honestly tell me you don't want a chocolate orange layer?" 

Trish sighed, unable to stop the traitorous twitch of her lips as a smile tried to break through.

"Fine, we can have chocolate orange instead of the plain chocolate layer." The civilian acquiesced, but Shepard's victorious smile quickly vanished as her partner continued listing terms. " **_But_ ** we'll have to get rid of some more too. I'm sure you don't need all of the following: gingerbread, strawberry, coffee, banana, toffee..." 

Her list was interrupted by a plaintive mewl and she looked up at the wobbly bottom lip and deep soulful eyes of a traumatized marine.

"I'm not sure I want to marry you anymore." Nikki claimed and Trish couldn't help bursting into laughter.

"Is that so?" 

The spectre nodded determinedly. 

"Hmm, do you think we should call the whole thing off?" Trish asked and Shepard quickly changed to shaking her head. "How about if I bake a special 'saving the galaxy' cake just for you to make up for destroying your wedding cake dreams?"

"I think I love you babe."

"I thought you might. What flavour do you want?"

"How many tiers have I got?"

"Just the one."

"I hate you."

"Of course you do. So that's fruit cake for the 'saving the galaxy' cake then?"

It was Nikki's turn to chuckle.

"Now usually at this point I'd say 'I dare you', but you bloody would 'n all."

"You know me so well." Trish retorted.

"And yet, for some reason, I still want to marry you."

"The final proof that you're mad."

"I may be crazy but I'm crazy about you."

"Very good. I'd be more impressed if I didn't know you stole that from a song."

"Shit, I've not asked Hackett for permission yet!" Nikki suddenly stated out of nowhere and Trish looked at her in utter bewilderment.

"Why do you need to ask my uncle- no, wait, more important question.  **_How_ ** do you even get to that thought from our conversation?"

"Sorry babe, I've got to go. I'll call you right back." 

The call disconnected and Trish was left looking at a blank screen. She shook her head with a sigh.

...

Admiral Steven Hackett was technically off duty when he felt the tell tale vibration on his wrist of an incoming call. 

He was slightly surprised, although nobody watching him would have been able to tell, to find it was from the hero of the hour but without any mission priority flags attached. Few subordinates chose to contact him if they didn't have to, and usually the commander was no exception to that rule. 

Most of the time their relationship consisted of him calling her with missions. Still, there was only one way to find out what it was about so he answered it. Her image springing to life above his wrist.

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

"Uh, I want to marry Trish, Sir."

For once in his long and interesting life the man colloquially known as 'The Hatchet' was left speechless. He blinked once, twice, before his brain managed to regain control of his mouth and he managed a response that came out halfway between dry and wary.

"I am... _aware_ , of this. Molly has spoken of little else for weeks now. Apparently I am going to be walking Trish down the aisle."

"Right, right. So do I have your permission Sir?"

"My permission?"

"Yes Sir. Neither of us has living fathers and you're the closest male relative so, err..." The spectre trailed off uncertainly. It  **_was_ ** a rather old fashioned and barely acknowledged tradition now she thought about it. She blamed Trish for going on about fruit cake.

"What would you do if I said no Shepard?"

"Uh Sir?"

"You're asking me not telling, which means I have to give a response, so I am curious… what would you do if I said no?"

"I was kind of hoping you wouldn't Sir."

"But if I did?"

"Err... I'd have to tell Trish? I'm sure she'd try and change your mind Sir." To her surprise the big man chuckled.

"I knew N7s played dirty Shepard, but that's just evil. I'd have Trish AND Molly after me. Alright, you can have my blessing Nikki, but I stand by what I said before: You ever hurt her and you'll have the entire Fifth fleet on your ass, Spectre or no."

"Aye aye Sir." Nikki responded with a smile and sigh of relief. She ended the call and dialed another, grinning as her fiance popped into view almost instantaneously. "Hey Trish, guess what? We're getting married!" 

The civilian shook her head in despair.

"You just called him didn't you?" 

The soldier nodded. 

"Remind me why we're planning on having a kid when I've already got you?"

"Because I need an excuse to play on the slides and roundabouts at the park without looking like a weirdo." Nikki declared without even pausing for thought.

"You  **_are_ ** a weirdo."

"Well yeah, but I'm not a creep."

"True." 

They fell into a comfortable silence, neither sure what to say next but unwilling to simply end the call. It was Shepard that thought of a new topic first.

"Babe..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we have room in the garage for a mako?"

"A mako?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to regret asking this but... why do you want a mako?"

"Not just any old mako, my mako. From the Normandy. Everyone's been taking the piss about me finally writing off an IFV, but if I can fix her back up then it wasn't a write off."

"I see. So it's a question of your reputation and pride."

"Well, I was thinking of it more as having a retirement project, but that works too."

"Are you thinking of retiring?"

"Not any time soon, but there's no harm in having plans in place."

"Hmm, so you want to keep an inoperable heap of metal in the garage until you finally one day retire, just in case it's maybe possible to fix it, and then what are you going to do with it afterwards?"

"Hey, this is me we're talking about! There is no maybe about it. You  **_know_ ** I can fix it, I just need enough spare time."

"Mhmm. As I said, then what will you do with it?"

"I haven't quite decided yet. You can say no if you want you know. I can always drop it off on Intai'sei instead."

"You never did tell me how you got that house."

"I won it off Admiral Ahern in a bet."

"What kind of bet?"

"The kind you wouldn't approve of."

"Well that doesn't narrow it down much." 

Nikki laughed at Trish's deadpan response.

"Maybe not, but I want to live to see my wedding day."

"Speaking of... Now Saren's out the picture... we really should pick a date."

"I was thinking sometime in May."

"May 83 or May 84?" Trish sought clarification, more than aware that the month in question had already started.

"This year."

"You're not impatient at all, are you sweetheart?"

"I can be plenty patient when I need to be, but I've loved you since I was 15 years old, I think I've waited long enough."

"Well, when you put it like that... What took you so long?" 

There was a self deprecating chuckle from the soldier as she glanced down at her hands, not looking at her fiance as she admitted quietly:

"I kept waiting for you to realise how you could do so much better than me." 

Trish smiled sadly, she had thought she'd put an end to those sorts of thoughts years ago.

"You always were an idiot. Even if by some miracle I could somehow do better, I wouldn't want to. I love you Nick. _Y_ _ ou _ , no one else."

"Good, cos you're about to be stuck with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	19. Chapter 19

Trish was in that half aware dozing stage when shuffling and a groaning sound from the other side of the bed gave her the last push into wakefulness. She turned her head to see Nikki reaching for her omni-tool on the bedside table, groaning again when she saw the ridiculously early time.

"You alright sweetie?" She enquired, reaching out with a featherlight touch and Nikki rolled back round to face her.

"I was having the most wonderful dream and now I'm not. Why my body would decide oh-five-hundred is an acceptable time to wake up on a Sunday, on shore leave, is beyond me. I could be sleeping. I could be dreaming." The almost petulant response was absolutely adorable.

"What were you dreaming about?"

"A buffet." 

Trish certainly wouldn't have predicted that answer, but the look of longing and happiness on her partner's face brought a smile to her own.

"You know, like at parties. All the different sandwiches and sausage rolls, and the quiche. Oh the quiche! You know... I've never found anything that can even come close to my mom's quiche."

"You're a pretty good cook yourself you know."

"Not at quiche. I can imitate a few of dad's greatest dishes pretty close, but mom was a whole other level."

"So, what else happened in your dream? You were at a party with food, then what?"

"No, no party. No people at least, maybe it had ended already. Lucked out with that one, saved me having to try and avoid them all. Just this wonderful food, and I had a plastic tub that I was filling up with leftovers to take with me, and all of a sudden I was walking the dog. Stupid dreams and their jump cuts. Anyway, I realised I didn't have my box of food anymore so I started climbing the stairs to get it back and I woke up... And now there's no buffet."

"You know... Some people believe our subconscious is trying to tell us things when we dream."

"Like... We can have a buffet for lunch?" The spectre asked eagerly, but Trish dashed her hopes with a shake of her head.

"Nope, like that you should go walk the dog."

"Why is it, whenever I'm home, it always seems to be my turn?"

"Because when you're not home it's always my turn." Trish replied without malice.

"True." Nikki admitted before trailing a finger down her partner's arm. "Although... I'm sure Jude can hold on a little longer."

"Hmm, I'm sure she can. What do you have in mind?"

"Well... I figured, what with how many needles are involved in IVF-"

"Are you having second thoughts?" Trish asked softly.

"No, I'll do it." Nikki assured her quickly. "I just think we really ought to make 100% sure we can't conceive naturally first."

"Is that so?" Trish laughed.

"Mhmm." Nikki nodded with an impish grin.

"And you don't think the fact you've already started taking the birth control pills might limit our chances slightly?"

"Not really. I've heard plenty of tales about people getting pregnant while on the pill. Besides, I think you're confused. My charts say I'm taking BCP, that  _ totally _ stands for 'Baby Care Pill'."

"If you say so dear."

"I do."

"Well, in that case... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try again."

...

Garrus finished clipping on his armour and started checking over his weapons. When they had landed on the planet his human CO called home, he certainly hadn't expected this to happen. In fact he never in his wildest dreams imagined fighting this deep in Alliance space. 

All around him his squad mates from the Normandy were suiting up and on the opposite side of the room were a group of human soldiers making their own pre-combat preparations. All of them with a tiny N7 logo on their armour.

"This is a terrible plan." Shepard's voice came from the corridor outside, her now familiar footsteps coming closer.

"Would you rather we took you out drinking and got you a stripper?" Captain Anderson's deep voice was easily identifiable.

"No, I suppose not." The commander admitted as the two comrades-in-arms finally entered the room. "But it would probably be healthier for me. You realise, if any of you numbskulls manage to injure me, Trish will kill me for ruining the wedding photos, right?"

"Then don't get injured, simple." One of the humans stated and Shepard spun round towards the voice, face lighting up with a grin as she caught sight of her fellow N7s.

"Meyer, you mad bastard! You're supposed to be in the Terminus, what are you doing here?"

"Well, tomorrow I'm crashing your wedding and today I'm kicking your ass." He declared confidently.

"Pfft, in your dreams! Riley, Riz, Mals." The spectre nodded her head and clasped various hands and arms as she greeted the men and women who she'd been through hell with. Many of whom she'd even worked with on missions together afterwards. "Damn, we've got the entire pizza squad here and then some."

"One day I  **_will_ ** find out which one of you was responsible for that." Anderson grumbled, causing Shepard and three other humans placed randomly among the throng to shout out in near perfect sync: 

"I can't answer that question Sir!"

Laughter erupted among the humans at what Garrus assumed must be a private joke. Certainly it couldn't be cultural because Ash and Kaidan looked just as lost as the rest of the Normandiers.

"Pizza squad?" It was Liara that asked the question the aliens were all thinking. Shepard walked over to them with a smile as she picked up her own equipment and started getting ready.

"Short version? One of the Villa courses dropped us in the jungle with full kit but no rations and only two days worth of RDA tablets. Instructors told us to do whatever we had to to survive, then accused us of cheating when a few of us met up and ordered pizza via delivery drone."

"You didn't?! I bet the instructors didn't like that."

"Yep we did, and no they didn't. Two hours of push ups, monkey fuckers and "I can't answer that question"s later they realise they've trained us too well and we're not going to tell them who's idea it was. So, they confiscated our omni-tools and long range comms to make sure we couldn't do it again and threw us in the nearest river. We spent the rest of the course known as 'pizza squad' which was bull 'cos we never even tasted a slice." 

The spectre glared accusingly at Anderson who simply shrugged.

"Don't worry Shepard, you didn't miss much. It wasn't even that good a pizza." 

The commander's inaudible mutter was interrupted by Meyer shouting across the room: "Hey Shep, is it true what they're saying? You managed to write off a mako?"

"Why does everybody focus on _**that**_ part of the story and not the bit where I drove through a mass relay?" She moaned. "You've written off dozens of vehicles but I ain't ever seen you drive across star systems."

"Just give me the coordinates for Ilos, I'm sure if you managed it then the rest of us can." 

Anderson could picture it now, half the villa spread out across the surface of Ilos in a variety of military vehicles, all gunning for the Conduit like a scene out of Cannonball Run. The victors suddenly popping randomly into existence on the Citadel and causing havoc.

"Are we going paintballing or not?" He asked in an effort to distract them.

"Well I don't know, Little Shep here might get hurt. We might have to use civvie rules."

"Oh that's it, you're  _ definitely _ not on my team now." Nikki took mock offense even while everybody else agreed to abide by civvie rules.

"Speaking about teams, oh mighty spectre, how about Villa versus Normandy?"

"I'm sure we could manage that. Hey, Anderson! You spent some time on the Normandy, want to be on the winning side?"

"I'm always on the winning side." The eldest human claimed. Prompting a rather suspicious coughing fit among several of the younger N7s that sounded remarkably like: 'First contact.'

"That was a draw."

"Ok, let's make it  **_three_ ** teams: Villa, Normandy and Anderson!"

...

Tali felt out of her depth. 

It was hardly a new experience for her. As a young quarian out on her pilgrimage she often felt out of her depth. The feeling had been getting rarer the longer she spent on the Normandy though. Shepard had a way of boosting people's confidence. In her, in the mission and in themselves. 

The one feeling that had remained consistent however was a sense of awe at the commander's military prowess. 

Whenever anybody questioned how she pulled off the previously considered impossible, Shepard's staple response was usually: "I'm N7, what do you expect?"

And now Tali was out here in the woods, with a dozen N7s who considered her the opposition. 

A dozen humans with the same training and proficiency for destruction as Shepard. 

It was more than a little unnerving. 

She wasn't even a soldier! She'd never been in any woods before. And she  _ still _ wasn't even 100% sure what 'civvie rules' meant.

"No head shots, no groin shots, no grenades and no live ammunition." Shepard had stated when she asked.

"There's a little more to it than that." Kaidan had tried to add but the spectre snorted.

"You're up against N7s, they won't be keeping to any other rules, no matter what the agreement was. Hell, we'll be lucky if they can stick to those four." She promptly proved her point by taking the flag they were supposed to be defending down from its pole, removing the tracking device and passing it to Wrex to store in his armour.

That was twenty minutes ago.

The 'puht, puht' noise of weapons fire, or at least of the strange paint guns they were using in an effort to minimise casualties, broke the eerie silence of the woodlands. 

There followed no shouts or screams. Nothing signifying sentient life engaged in a desperate struggle for supremacy. 

A minute later she heard what sounded suspiciously like an explosion. 

She gripped her shotgun tighter and checked her HUD for enemies.

Nothing.

There was nothing showing up on a thermal scan either but that didn't quell her sense of unease. 

A slight flicker caught her attention and she stared intently in that direction, nothing but trees and bushes and... wait, one section of log looked slightly closer than the rest of the same fallen tree that ran along the lip of a ditch. 

The quarian was still pretty new to this whole flora business, but she was pretty sure it wasn't supposed to look like that and she flung herself to one side just in time as there was an eruption of puht, puht, puht and the scenery to her left was covered in blue paint.

Invisible enemies were not her idea of fun and in her moment of disorientation she had no idea where they had gone. 

Panic gripped her for a second, but instead of firing wildly she reached for her omni-tool, sending out a localised EMP burst. 

The cloaking device failed revealing an N7 infiltrator less than thirty metres from her position.

Tali swung her shotgun round but before her finger could squeeze the trigger, pink paint appeared on her target. It appeared she had a guardian angel.

"Thanks Tali, I've been trying to track that one." Garrus' voice came over the comm channel. 

Despite suffering what would have been a fatal heart shot if they were using live ammunition, the enemy infiltrator had no interest in sitting the rest of the match out. Throwing something grenade shaped in her direction. 

Once again her team was looking out for her as it was biotically returned to sender. 

The human barely had time to realise they were covered in their own paint before they were covered in krogan. Wrex holding them down while searching the body. Successfully finding a scrap of fabric, he keyed up his comm.

"Shepard, I found part their flag."

"Part?"

"Yeah, looks like it's been torn in quarters at least."

"Those cheating little-" She was cut off by another explosion.

...

The final casualty report consisted of a dislocated shoulder (quickly popped back into place), a lost tooth (Meyer swore it was already loose, no way anyone knocked it out of him, either way he'd been restricted to closed mouth smiling for the photos tomorrow), and a large assortment of bruises that thankfully were all in places where they'd be hidden by clothing.

Nikki smiled as she washed a veritable rainbow of paint off her armour. Apparently last week Trish's friends had dragged her off to a spa day, her's had got her covered in mud and slime and paint. It had been great fun! 

She wasn't even disappointed by the result, secretly she'd never expected the Normandy team to win. 

After all, even Blackwatch squads tended to average only a 50/50 win/loss ratio against units composed entirely of villa graduates, and her team was made up of two civilians (highly talented sure, but still civilians), two standard marines who technically weren't cleared for combat duty at the moment and had never seen the inside of the Villa, a turian who'd done his standard military service but never even made Blackwatch before being transferred out to C-Sec on his father's orders, and a krogan battlemaster. 

When listed like that it was a wonder they'd succeeded in their mission against Saren at all.

But they had. Against all odds her ragtag team had survived and thrived. She was going to miss them when they went their separate ways. 

Still, that was a problem for another day. Today they were here, and tomorrow she was getting married.


	20. Chapter 20

Shepard scowled at the person in front of her, scrutinizing them closely for any sign of weakness, any hint of fear and, perhaps most importantly of all, even the slightest interpretation of a breach in uniform regulations. 

A chuckle behind her brought her glare whipping away from the mirror and over to Anderson.

"You look fine Shepard, relax." 

She grunted but otherwise ignored his advice and began pacing the room. 

"Nervous?"

"I don't know why." She muttered after a moment's hesitation and a terse nod.

"It's your wedding day. Everybody gets nervous on their wedding day. I know I did. This time tomorrow you're going to be Mrs and Mrs Shepard, sound good?"

"It sounds great. Can we skip to tomorrow already?" 

Anderson chuckled again. As far as Nikki was concerned he was doing far too much of that today.

"Afraid not. It's all going to end up a blur anyway though. You might as well stop worrying, relax and try to enjoy it."

"Besides..." A flanged voice interrupted from the corner. "What's the worst that can happen?" 

The sudden silence was deafening as Nikki spun on her heel to stare incredulously at the turian and Garrus squirmed uncomfortably as he found himself on the nasty end of two N7 glares. It was almost enough to make him fear for his life.

"You did  **_not_ ** just say that? You did  **_not_ ** just curse my wedding day!"

"What?"

"Seriously? 'what's the worst that could happen?'! Last time someone said that to me I was charged by five blood raging krogan.  **Five!** At the same time! I ended up with four broken ribs, a shattered arm and being shouted at over vid comm by a very pissed off girlfriend because instead of being home in time for Valentine's Day and taking her out like I promised, I ended up spending half of February in the damn hospital!"

"Well, look on the bright side... if anything goes wrong today you'll be shouted at by an angry wife."

"Oh joy, the part of married life I'm most looking forward to! If anything goes wrong I'm telling Trish it's your fault."

"Nothing will go wrong Shepard." Anderson tried to calm the woman down.

"It wouldn't have if Vakarian kept his big mouth shut! A moment ago all I had to worry about was forgetting my lines, now I've got to keep my eyes peeled for potential assassins and crashing asteroids and-"

"Shepard, relax! Nothing's going to go wrong."

"How do you know?"

"Because you made me best man, it's my job to make sure things run smoothly. That includes carrying you kicking and screaming down the aisle if you get cold feet."

"I've not got cold feet." The spectre protested. "I just don't want anything to go wrong and ruin Trish's big day."

"It's supposed to be your big day as well you know."

"Yeah, I suppose so... You've definitely got the rings right?"

"I  _ knew _ there was something I was forgetting when I left Arcturus yesterday." Her face visibly paled and Anderson rolled his eyes. "Of course I've got the rings Shepard."

"Good, good... Hang on, this carrying me business... reckon I could get a piggyback?" 

He shot her his best unimpressed glare but secretly he was glad to see that cheeky grin back on her face.

"No, it'll be a fireman's carry. Or possibly dragging you by the legs while you desperately claw at the floor."

"Hmph, you're no fun." Nikki stopped in front of the mirror again, flicking ineffectively at a bit of her fringe before giving up with a sigh. "Alright, let's do this."

...

Shepard had counted fourteen possible sniper locations on the way into the registry office, three of which still had line of sight on her as she stood waiting for the ceremony to begin. 

Of course there was no guarantee she would be the target of any potential assassination attempts, there were a lot of important people at her wedding after all. Admiral Hackett, Captain Anderson, more N7 operatives than had taken part in the Theschea Raids, her almost wife... 

Ok, so Trish might not rank very highly on a galactic scale of important people compared to the rest of the room, but she was the most important person in the galaxy as far as Nikki was concerned.

Her macabre thoughts were interrupted as she turned and caught sight of Trish at the top of the aisle. 

Her partner's dress was elegant, but understated, a truly stunning masterpiece. No matter how amazing it looked however, it paled in comparison to the woman wearing it. 

Nikki's lips formed the word 'wow', although she had no idea if it had been audible or silent, and somewhere at the back of her mind she hoped someone was still paying attention to the sniper spots because she had eyes for nothing else but the vision walking towards her. 

As soon as Trish was close enough she gently took her hands, desperate for contact, leaning forward to whisper in her ear:

"You look..." 

Words failed her and she trailed off into a tiny shrug. Trish's already smiling lips twitching as she shook her head slightly in amusement.

"So do you." 

The soldier's quiet chuckle was swallowed by a kiss, the loud clearing of a nearby throat interrupting before she could fully reciprocate.

"Ladies, traditionally the kiss happens at the end."

"Right, yes, sorry... shall we?" Nikki blushed but Trish remained unrepentant, winking at her partner before turning to face the officiant.

...

"Today is a special day when we get to officially welcome Nikki into our family." Admiral Hackett was saying, all eyes on him as he kicked off the speeches section of the wedding reception. 

Nikki could remember  _ some _ of how she got to this part of the day. For example, there was that bit about 'Nicola Jane Shepard do you accept Patricia Helen Stewart to be your wife?' and a bunch of 'I dos', and she  _ definitely _ remembered the kissing. 

Then there had been that delightful moment where she got to see the vintage car that would be transporting them to the after party, and the near heart stopping moment when she realised someone else would be driving instead of her. 

She  _ hated _ not being in control of ground vehicles. 

But on the whole the day had passed as a bit of a blur. 

She focused her attention back onto her new Uncle-in-Law.

"You've both gone through your own hells and come out the other side stronger than ever. You've supported each other through thick and thin, never let anything come between you, and I can honestly say I couldn't hope for anyone better for Trish. Ladies and gentlemen, to Trish and Nikki." 

The room echoed as everybody took up the toast, although Nikki swore she heard a handful of people change the wording to 'Shepard and Shepard'.

"Thank you Sir." The spectre stood as everyone else put their glasses back down. "And thank you to everyone for coming. Special thanks must go to Trish's mom, Molly, and everyone else who's helped organise all of this. I would say it was planned with military precision, but having been part of the reaction force for the Skyllian Blitz I can assure you, this was  **much** better organised." 

There were a few chuckles at that, mainly from those dressed in Alliance blue, while a handful of the civilian guests looked faintly scandalized.

"Of course Molly's achievements go far beyond today. She's also responsible for creating and raising the most beautiful, intelligent, kind and caring woman I have ever met. A woman I am now lucky enough to be able to call my wife. Trish, you've seen me at my best and you've seen me at my worst, and sometimes I really don't know how you put up with me. I'm glad you do though. I love you more than anything, I even love you more than cake. Although... Speaking of cake..."

"Behave you." Trish instructed with an indulgent roll of her eyes. Nicola's own eyes sparkled with mischief as she made a show of quickly flicking through her cue cards before dropping them onto the table with an exaggerated sigh.

"Well  **_they're_ ** not going to be any use then!"

...

"Ah Shepard, Shepard, Shepard... where does one even begin to describe this amazing woman?" Anderson was interrupted by a series of calls, predominantly from the villa table, all revolving around the theme of 'bloody mental', and he was forced to wave them into silence before he could continue.

"When I first met that young, cocky mechanic back on Luna, I never thought that one day I'd be here; best man at the wedding of humanity's first spectre. We've been through a lot together since then, and Shepard's pulled me out the fire many a time. Once quite literally if I remember correctly." The spectre smirked at the private memory. "Although, in fairness, I've returned the favour more times than I can count."

"Don't worry babe, he can't count very high, honest." Nikki declared abruptly to mixed laughter from the assembled, while her new wife simply mouthed a 'thank you' at the captain.

His mock glare was ruined slightly by the twitch of his lips and he continued as if there hadn't been an interruption.

"Over the years Shepard's not only forced me to reevaluate my ideas of what is and isn't possible in this galaxy, both in terms of what she's done and what she's faced, but she has also given me a new definition of the word stoicism. She grins and  **_I_ ** bear it. A feeling I'm sure Trish is more than familiar with." 

Both brides nodded in agreement to that one. 

"Now, it is customary on these occasions to tell a few funny and embarrassing anecdotes-" 

Nikki failed to hide a groan as she suddenly regretted her choice in best man. She  _ knew _ she should have gone with Ben. After all, most of her interactions with their civilian neighbour were far more embarrassing for him than for her,  _ and _ he was the leading contender for sperm donor of their unborn child.

"-Unfortunately, the vast majority of those moments are classified, so perhaps I should stick to the older tradition of reading out a poem?" 

Shepard breathed out a sigh of relief as she gestured an approval of the plan and Anderson made a point of clearing his throat, securing direct eye contact with his protege before reciting: 

"Boots, boots, boots, boots-" 

Nikki erupted into laughter, one hand clapping against her arm while boos arose from the villa table, although a few of their fellow N7s continued with the next line when he fell silent.

"Would you like me to continue?"

"I know what's happening at your funeral old man." The youngster threatened resolutely, but Anderson merely smiled.

"Just make sure I'm definitely dead first, please."

"No promises." Came the instant retort.

...

Tali sat alone at the Normandy ground team's table after everybody else had got up to get a slice of wedding cake. 

It was one of those little moments where, even though nobody was being deliberately malicious, it still served to highlight how different and apart from everybody else she was. Just because of her species. 

Even Garrus, her fellow dextro, was included when she was not. Him having more freedom with being able to eat food that had been touched by non filtered air, and a smaller dextro cake having been baked for the newlyweds' handful of turian friends.

She fought off the sudden wave of self-pity, disgusted at herself for allowing any negative thoughts during such a joyous event. 

She had been truly honored to be invited to the commander's special day, and the nutrient paste tubes she had been provided when everybody else was given plates of food, were quite clearly a premium brand. Possibly the best she'd ever tasted. Not to mention, the flavour was a delicacy reserved for special occasions among the quarian populace. 

It was quite clear that a lot of thought and preparation had gone into her being here and she tried to focus on that instead of the empty table. 

It didn't take much to make a quarian feel alone in the world though. Not that it mattered. Her pilgrimage was nearing its end, she'd be back among her own people soon enough.

"Tali!" 

She turned her head to see humanity's spectre walking towards her, carrying something in her hands. 

The helmet that was essential for her survival hid her widened eyes and dropped mouth from view as Shepard came close enough for her to see the carried object. A see-through vacuum packed box, containing a larger than average cupcake. 

"I'm sorry, I know it's not the same and I'm not sure when you're going to find a clean room to be able to eat it but-" Nikki's words were cut off as the quarian rushed to her feet and threw her arms around the N7's neck.

"I'll miss you." The youngster declared before self consciously realising she had wrapped her commanding officer up in a hug and that the words she'd uttered didn't really go with the rest of the conversation. "I mean uh, thank you." 

Nikki simply chuckled.

"You're welcome. I'll miss you too. If you ever get bored of life in the flotilla, you'll always be welcome on any ship of mine Tali. That goes for the rest of you too." She added as the rest of her squad rejoined them with plates of cake.

"Any ship?" Liara questioned, the faintest trace of confusion in her voice. "Won't you be keeping the Normandy?" 

Shepard grimaced.

"I hope so, but that's up to the Admiralty board. Technically it was only a temporary attachment and I know Mikhailovich has been making waves. I tried to convince Hackett to give her to me as a wedding present, but apparently it doesn't work like that."

"What did 'The Hatchet' give you as a wedding present?" Williams enquired, curious despite herself. The traditional wedding gift ideas of items to help the newlyweds start up a home and life together were a little pointless when the couple in question had been living together for as long as the Shepards.

"A shield generator." Was the prompt response. "One of those small, discreet, fancy ones that can be worn with just clothes, goes with both casual and formal wear."

"That's nice, knowing he cares about your safety." Kaidan contributed to the conversation.

"Well yeah... but he got Trish a pistol!"

...

Commander Nicola Jane Shepard was a woman of many skills and talents. As her wife led her in a gentle sway around the room however, it became abundantly clear to everyone who didn't already know, that dancing was certainly not among them. 

Luckily, any romance points lost by her two left feet were quickly reclaimed by singing the lyrics of the song she'd chosen directly into Trish's ear.

"I was born tooo love you, with every single beat of my heart. Yes I was born to take care of you, every single day of my life." 

They were so caught up in each other's presence that neither one noticed Admiral Hackett slip out to answer a call, or how he marched straight to Anderson for a whispered conversation upon his return. 

More people took to the dance floor as the 'First and last' dance came to an end (Nick had remained adamant that she would only do one) but the swarm wasn't enough to hide the subtle movement of N7s as they met up and split up, clearly passing a message among their ranks. She made her excuses and beelined towards Rizzi.

"What's going on?" Shepard's question garnered a shrug from the N7 Fury.

"No idea. The Hatchet wants any sober N's for a briefing."

"Something tells me he'll get more than just the sober ones." A quick glance revealed Trish engaged in conversation with her co-workers so they made good their escape to the freshly commandeered briefing room.

"Ok, that's everyone." Meyer declared as Malhotra filed in behind the spectre. "So, what's going on?"

"There's been a training accident on Luna." Hackett started, a dozen disbelieving eyes silently informing him that N7s didn't get called out for training accidents. 

"Following the incident the course engineers tried to remotely shutdown the VI system in charge of simulating enemy tactics, without success. Our failsafes aren't responding and all attempts to approach the facility where the servers are stored have been met with heavy resistance. We need someone to fight through the training facility to the VI core and manually shut it down."

"What weapons does this rogue VI have control over?" Riley asked. Nobody needed telling that the fact they'd been assembled meant earlier attempts with regular marines must have been a catastrophic failure with multiple fatalities. That was just a given.

"Automated turrets, defense drones, both assault and rocket varieties. There's also anti-air guns so you'll have to drop a couple of klicks away and insert by mako."

"What about orbital weaponry? Is this thing capable of targeting Earth?" Nikki queried from behind Rizzi's shoulder. A slight narrowing of his eyes was the only indication that Hackett hadn't spotted her until now, and that he wasn't pleased to see her there. He didn't break his professionalism though, answering her question as if it had been anyone else asking.

"No, fortunately the Hannibal VI is on a closed network. Only the one facility is affected by this. The rest of Luna's defenses remain secure at this time. Now  _ apparently _ every N7 within three relay jumps of Earth is here. Obviously I'd prefer volunteers but-..." The rest of his sentence was rendered inconsequential as every N in the room immediately volunteered.

"Hand down Shepard, I'll send you on life threatening missions any day of the week, but not on your wedding night. Now for god's sake get back out there before Trish starts wondering where you've got to."

...

"It ain't my fault. Yeah this is how we roll baby, this is how we roll." 

Trish smiled as she woke to the sound of her newly wedded wife singing. She glanced down at the ring on her finger as if to check yesterday hadn't been a dream, but it was definitely there. 

The only thing that could have made the morning better was for her wife to be beside her in bed, but at least she was nearby if the singing was anything to go by.

She thought she caught the scent of bacon and assumed Nikki must have ordered room service, but whether the N7's plan was to surprise her with breakfast in bed or help herself to a snack while the civilian was unconscious before innocently joining her for a second breakfast later was currently unknown. 

Trish decided to feign sleep a little while longer to find out. As she lay there listening to the music playing out of the speakers she suddenly realised that, while the song was familiar, the spectre appeared to have changed a few of the words. 

"I'm  _ stubborn _ and it ain't my fault, I came from  _ Mindoir _ just like the hot sauce."

"I didn't know Mindoir was famous for its hot sauce." The words left her mouth without thought, completely forgetting she was supposed to be asleep.

"Hmph, Mindoir's not famous for anything." Nikki's voice huffed dismissively. 

The statement wasn't entirely true, but Trish certainly wasn't going to bring up the raid on today of all days. Instead she tried to think of a more acceptable answer as Nick suddenly appeared into view, climbing up onto the bed above her.

"They make some pretty good wine." She offered, but Nikki scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Not enough syllables." Just then the song reached the relevant part of the chorus again and she gave it a go anyway. "I'm  _ stubborn _ and it ain't my fault, I came from  _ Mindoir _ just like the  _ wi-ine _ ." The wrinkled nose and pouty lips suggested she wasn't happy with the result.

"Why do you need to change the words anyway?"

"Because I'm not from Louisiana. Why should I have to lie when I sing a song?"

"I don't know. You lie plenty when you're not singing." 

Nikki grinned, suddenly launching into Meat Loaf despite the background music not matching.

"I'd lie for you and that's the truth. Do anything you ask me to." 

Trish giggled.

"You're in a very sing-ey mood today." She accused and Nick just shrugged.

"I'm happy." 

Such a simple statement but it made Trish's heart swell and she reached up for a kiss. Nikki joyfully reciprocating until she noticed a slight burning smell and pulled away.

"Hold that thought."

She leapt off the bed and Trish sat up so her eyes could follow, shaking her head with a smile as she caught sight of the small camping stove set up on the floor of the hotel, Nikki flipping the rather crispy looking bacon out of the frying pan and onto a plate.

"Only you sweetie, only you. You do realise they have room service here right?"

"What? I wanted to cook breakfast for my beautiful wife, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing dear, absolutely nothing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs in order of appearance: "I was born to love you" by Queen, "I'm Southern" by The Cadillac Three and "I'd lie for you (and that's the truth)" by Meat Loaf. 
> 
> Hope you're all still enjoying.


	21. Chapter 21

The honeymoon passed by in a flash and Nikki found herself sitting on the bed at home in her workout shorts and sports bra, feet on the floor as she looked down at the needle being twirled between her fingers. 

She'd had all the final checks: ultrasound, blood tests, the lot and been given the all clear from the clinic. Now they could finally go ahead and start their family properly. It was both exciting and terrifying at the same time, to be sitting at the point of no return.

Ok, that wasn't entirely true. If they wanted to they could take as long a break as they needed in between Nikki's half of the procedure and Trish's. Eggs could be frozen after all, but it was still a huge step. Her contribution to creating their child. 

She looked up as Trish stepped out the bathroom wrapped in a towel, a smaller one being used to rub dry her hair. A soft smile springing to her lips at the sight of her wife.

"Hey babe, do you still want to make a mini-me to unleash upon the galaxy?"

"Well, when you word it like  **_that_ ** ..." Trish teased with mock horror, holding her gaze for several seconds, reading the clear apprehension and desire warring in the soldier's face before kneeling down to her level. Reaching forward to gently take the proffered needle. Her voice soft and tender as she added: "More than anything... Want me to do the honours?"

Nikki nodded, her muscles instantly stiffening while her eyes scrunched shut and Trish sighed. 

"It'd be easier if you relaxed you know." Another terse nod was the only sign Nick had heard her. "We don't have to do this now if you're not ready?"

"Got to, I've got wall charts saying so and everything. If I don't start today we'll have to restart all over again with the pills."

"I know, but we could always wait until tonight. I'm sure I could come up with something a bit more romantic to help you relax." 

As she spoke Trish started tracing the tattoos on the soldier's abdomen with featherlight touches. Marveling as she did so at how far they'd come from the days when her girlfriend insisted on keeping her scars from Akuze covered at all times.

"Sorry Trish, baby making kind of lost the romance when I had to fill in all those bloody 'what if' forms. I think I'd rather just get the nasty, sharp, pointy bit over and done with quickly in the mornings rather than worry about it all day. Besides, I'm pretty sure the words: romance, needles and relax don't belong in the same sentence together."

"Hmm, I'm sure they would for some people."

"Well, hopefully not you. I'd hate to think I unknowingly married a sadist. I mean, a bit of variety in the bedroom is one thing but needl-  **Ah, you bitch!** "

"I'm sorry. I thought you said you wanted it over and done with." The voice was less false innocence and more barely concealed glee as she removed the now empty needle from between the dragon's claws.

"I hate you." Nick groaned, flopping backwards onto the bed. "I want a divorce." 

Trish merely laughed.

"Ok. Before or after the baby?"

"Both. And then I can marry you again and relive the best day of my life."

"You great big softie." Trish accused with a smile, straddling her partner and finally having the common decency to kiss better the skin she'd so ruthlessly attacked. "If I didn't have work today I'd ravish you right now."

"Hmm, I'm half tempted to make you call in sick and let you."

"Only half?" Trish teased, their faces close enough that she could feel the breath from Nikki's silent chuckle. 

The chime of a notification on the spectre's omni-tool interrupted any further response, and required a rerouting of the hand that had been wandering perilously close to Trish's miraculously still secure towel.

"That would be the other half."

"Typical, only a week of marriage and already cheating on me." Trish joked, causing Nikki to look up from the message in confusion, face morphing into a smirk when she realised what she'd said.

"The Alliance is a cruel, cruel mistress... My shuttle's twenty minutes out, I best get ready."

"You'll be late now anyway, what would a little longer matter?" Trish pouted, refusing to move despite a gentle prod to the ribs. 

With a sigh, Nikki wrapped her arms around her wife's legs, lifting her up enough so she could stand in a single movement, before turning and depositing her spouse back on the bed.

"You are trying to get me in trouble." She accused, tearing her eyes away with difficulty and forcing herself to walk to the wardrobe in order to start putting on her dress blues.

"You're more than capable of getting in trouble on your own." Trish responded, propping herself up on her elbows so she could watch. "You know... as sexy as that uniform is, I don't think I like reverse strip teases."

"It's called dressing babe. You might want to try it."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"No fun, but there is money."

"You'll pay me to get dressed?"

"No, but if you're quick enough your boss might pay you for going to work." Nikki didn't quite catch the grumbled reply but she could guess. "How about I make it up to you tonight?"

"You will will you?"

"Yeah." The N7's smirk suddenly morphed into a frown. "Although... considering you're the one who attacked  _ me _ with a giant bloody needle, I'm pretty sure you should be making it up to me."

"It wasn't that big a needle."

"Haven't you heard? Size doesn't matter."

"Aww, is the big bad spectre scared of an ickle bitty needle?"

"I'm not scared of them, I just hate them. There's a difference."

"Sure, if you say so dear." Another message alert interrupted their repartee, bringing forth a synchronised sigh. "You should go."

"Yes I should." They shared a brief and mostly chaste goodbye kiss before Trish pushed her wife towards the door and finally headed towards her own wardrobe.

"Hey Trish," 

The civilian turned to find Nikki holding up the now empty needle. 

"Same time tomorrow?"

...

Nikki Shepard, oft times immature wife of Trish Shepard and hopefully future parent, left the house and jogged towards the nearest landing field. 

Approximately ninety seconds later Commander Nicola Shepard, spectre, N7 and hero of the Citadel returned Flight Lieutenant Something-or-other's salute with crisp precision and boarded the shuttle that would take her to Arcturus station.

Fortunately the powers that be (aka the admiralty board) had approved an extension to the mutually beneficial agreement that had allowed a council spectre (aka her) to take temporary command of an Alliance vessel (thankfully still the Normandy). 

Maybe it was just because it had been her command, but the Normandy felt like a second home in a way that none of her previous ship postings had ever managed. They had only ever been a place of work, a base of operations and somewhere to lay her head and rest between missions.

It was easy to forget that Eden Prime had been the Normandy's shakedown run. With all the excitement and action that followed, this was the first time the Alliance had been able to pull the prototype stealth frigate into dry dock for any length of time. 

As Shepard was taken on a tour of her own ship, under a near constant verbal bombardment of information she either already knew or would likely never need and so instantly forgot, she started making mental bets with herself on how long certain changes would stay before her crew returned everything to how it had been before.

The morning was practically gone by the time the tour was finished and she was able to start work on the large stack of datapads that had built up in her absence. Some were a simple case of read and sign, others involved scheduling calls or filling out forms. She also needed to go over the crew manifest.

For the most part the ship-side crew was easy enough. Where possible she just requested the same people she'd had before and if they weren't available she told the heads of department to find someone they figured would be a good fit. The ground team was a little trickier.

Tali had already left to go back to the flotilla, her pilgrimage at an end.

Garrus had decided he wanted to try and join the spectres, a goal Nikki wholeheartedly supported. The next of the advanced training courses the turian hierarchy ran for potential spectre applicants wasn't until the end of the year however, and she'd graciously allowed him to remain on her team, racking up experience until then.

Wrex had taken her speech about the fate of the krogan people to heart and planned to return to Tuchanka to raise his people kicking and screaming back into a semblance of civilization. Albeit a krogan version of civilization. 

He kept putting it off though and so Shepard offered him continued use of the Normandy's cargo hold to live and plan in for as long as he wanted, with rent comprising of fighting by her side when the situation arose. Hardly a hardship for the ancient battlemaster.

Liara had asked to stay, at least until the proposed salarian archaeological trip to Ilos was ready to depart. 

The STG had made the most of Saren's research into indoctrination that Shepard had managed to save on Virmire, and developed a brain scanning technique that would, hopefully, identify indoctrinated people.

So far it only worked for salarians, they'd need more data and studies into the comparison of salarian and non-salarian brain structures, functions and patterns before they would know what to look for in the scans for other species and could offer the service to their allies. However for now the test was being added to the annual medical all STG agents had to undergo. As well as to the pre-(and post) expedition requirements for any personnel taking part in archaeological or scientific study of believed prothean or reaper sites and artifacts.

As for the human marines that were actually supposed to be on her ship: Corporal Jenkins was deceased and Fredricks was relearning how to walk on his new prosthetic leg. She knew Williams and Alenko were both mobile, they'd been at her wedding after all, but she would have to send out a request to find out if they'd be fit for combat duty.

The two lower enlisted personnel were easily replaced, but she didn't want to make a decision regarding Ash and Kaidan's berths until she heard back from the medical board.

Tali's departure was the trickiest hole to fill, the quarian was the quickest and most naturally gifted tech she'd ever worked alongside in a battlefield. She doubted she'd find a perfect fit and she certainly couldn't fly round the galaxy picking up random quarian pilgrims all the time so that left only one option worth considering.

She typed a quick email to the current head of training at the Villa and ten minutes later had a dozen personnel files for the top N4s and 5s in the engineer class. It was getting late though, so she downloaded them onto a datapad for perusal on the shuttle and shut everything down to head home.

...

"Anderson!" Nikki caught sight of her friend and mentor out the corner of her eye as she made her way through the hallways towards the shuttle lounge, quickly turning and jogging down a side corridor after him. 

He stopped at her shout, waiting for her to reach him before continuing towards his destination as she seamlessly matched his stride.

"Bad luck about your promotion Sir."

"Most normal people say 'congratulations' Shepard." The Alliance's newest rear admiral informed her wryly.

"Most people aren't Ns." The youngster shrugged carelessly and he felt the corner of his lips twitch. "Plus I know you. You'd much rather be in the thick of it than stuck behind a desk. No matter how fancy or prestigious the desk. So... Bad luck Sir."

"I admit, military attache to the citadel certainly isn't how I pictured my career going, but we all have to make sacrifices in the name of duty."

"True, but most of us expect that sacrifice to be an arm or a leg or something, not losing our soul to boredom and politics." 

He couldn't help but chuckle at that one. 

"Far as I'm concerned it's a damn waste sticking you in a pen pusher job Sir."

"Thanks Shepard, but someone's got to do it. Besides, you've still got my ship."

"Sorry about that Sir. Can't you get them to build you another one?"

"I think they're going to be a bit too busy rebuilding the Third Fleet to be able to spend credits on Normandy class frigates right now. Especially since as a council race we're entitled to more dreadnoughts than we were allowed before."

"That reminds me, we need to convince the turians to build more dreadnoughts so the other races can increase their fleet sizes too. We can't openly tear up the Treaty of Farixen without causing inter-species scuffles, but it's going to get in the way of reaper preparations big time if we're not careful."

"I'll add it to the list." Anderson sighed, looking older and tireder than she'd seen him in a long time.

"You know, you should come down to the surface for dinner one night before I ship out. I'm sure Trish won't mind. We've got a garden with real sunlight and everything."

"Thanks Shepard, if I ever find myself with a meeting free evening I'll consider it. Well, this is me." They came to a stop outside a nondescript door, Nikki wincing slightly in solidarity as she recognised it as Admiral Drescher's office. Anderson spared a quick glance at his omni-tool, noting he was early. "If I don't see you before you go then good luck out there."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll pop round and liven things up for you whenever I'm on the citadel."

"I'm dreading it already." He deadpanned, forcing a chuckle from the spectre. She cast a furtive gaze around the corridor to check it was empty before walking backwards away from him, singsonging:

"If you're having prime steak for tea tonight clap your hands." 

Anderson shook his head as she disappeared round the corner clapping. Then he wiped the faint smirk off his face, took a deep breath and knocked. After all,  _ some _ members of the System Alliance military had work to do.

Meanwhile Shepard jogged towards the nearest shuttle bay, thankful that her wife had chosen to settle on the nearest planet to Arcturus station. It made a daily commute to the Alliance HQ possible, if not entirely practical on a regular basis. 

She had her own plans for tonight and didn't want to be late.


	22. Chapter 22

"We already agreed you get to be called mum, why does it matter what our kid calls me?" Of all the potential traps, hazards and general concerns revolving around parenthood that they could have been stressing over, Nikki really didn't understand why Trish was so focussed on deciding their titles. 

Unfortunately her attempts to avoid or joke her way through the conversation hadn't gone down so well.

"Because 'the cool one' implies that I'm not cool."

"It was a joke! Besides, it's just one adjective. You can't let me have one decent adjective to myself when you've got the rest wrapped up tight? You're the clever one, the beautiful, drop dead gorgeous, sexy as sin one. And why the hell do all our arguments end with me listing bloody compliments about you?" 

Trish couldn't help laughing.

"Finished?"

"Arguing or complimenting?" Nick huffed, but her wife ignored her.

"You know, 'dad' is becoming increasingly popular among women since First Contact."

"Yeah normally when they're bonded to asari, neither of us are asari."

"That doesn't matter, there's no rule about who can use what terms, you can be called any title you like."

"Anything except 'the cool one' or 'the other one' you mean." Nikki clarified before suddenly coming up with: "What about bio-mom?"

"Bio-mom?" Trish chuckled. "It sounds like a weapon of mass destruction."

"Well... I  _ am- _ " Nick started but was interrupted.

"Oh, no! You better not be thinking of referring to me as 'the carrier'. I sense a growing theme that is rapidly sounding worse and worse. What are you planning on calling the child, Influenza?"

"Only if it's a girl." Nikki shot back without missing a beat. "Hmm, N-Strain if it's a boy."

"N-Strain?" Trish queried, momentarily too impressed by the speed of her partner's brain to immediately protest. At least, she  _ hoped _ Nikki had come up with it on the spot, the name better not have had any actual time and thought spent on it beforehand.

"Yeah N-Strain. After all, it's going to be an N-baby." 

Trish shook her head with a smile before realising something.

"You do know that we can choose whether to have a boy or a girl in advance if we want right?"

"Is this your way of asking me if I'd rather have a little Influenza or a gorgeous baby N-Strain?"

"I'm vetoing both those names by the way, but yes... do you want a boy or a girl?" 

Nikki went quiet, staring into the distance as she thought about it before suddenly shrugging.

"I don't care, I just want a healthy baby. What about you? Do you have a preference?"

"I'll be happy as long as it's yours."

"Well it bloody better be mine! I'm not going through all these needles for nothing you know." They shared a chuckle, cuddling closer as an easy silence fell around them. They continued basking in their shared existence for several minutes before Nikki softly offered: "What about Opie?"

"For a girl or for a boy?"

"No, for me."

"Hmm, Opie, I like it. Is it foreign?"

"Don't think so."

"Then what's it mean?"

"O.P... Other Parent." 

Trish sighed, playfully pushing her wife away.

"It's a good job we've got over nine months to think about this."

"What! I thought you liked Opie?"

"Well... It's the best idea you've had so far." The civilian allowed.

"No, the best idea I've had was marrying you."

"Flatterer. You're going to give me diabetes if you keep being so adorably sweet."

"Consider it payback for all the needles you keep jabbing me with." 

Trish couldn't help a giggle escaping her lips before she suddenly became serious.

"What are you going to do tomorrow when you ship out? Are you going to be ok giving yourself injections?"

"I don't know." Nikki answered truthfully with a shrug. "If not I'll ask doc to give them to me. She'll be keeping an eye on me and doing the egg retrieval when it's time anyway. I'll be honest, as excited as I am about having this kid, I'm glad we agreed to you doing the actual pregnant bit. Can you imagine suddenly developing a new craving in the middle of space? 'Joker take us into the Traverse, I have a craving for batarian rice conyap!' "

"I think your crew would be more worried about the mood swings. Hormonal spectre with a gun and immunity from prosecution sounds like a lethal mix."

...

The next day had started just like any other, Nikki took Jude for a morning run before coming back for a shower, breakfast and a jab from what had so far been called the needle of: magic, horror, doom, anti-romanticism, necessary evil, and baby-making-ness. 

She then changed into her dress blues and prepared for the shuttle to Arcturus station, although today included more luggage than the previous day trips.

The goodbye kiss also took longer. It would have to tide them over after all, and neither woman had any intention of rushing what would be their last kiss for several months. 

Eventually however it had to come to an end and Trish watched as the shuttle carried her wife away for yet another tour of duty. 

The feelings that flooded her were familiar, having suffered them ever since the spectre was a lowly corporal, but she did her best to wrap them away and focus on her own work day.

A task that was made harder when she arrived at the office to find a delivery from the local florist already waiting on her desk. The note that accompanied the bouquet declaring:

[Missing you already :) xXx]

...

"Why am I not surprised?" Trish sighed at the image of her wife that popped up when she answered her omni-tool. Although she knew they wouldn't be able to talk every day, she was glad Nick had at least managed to call this first night.

"What aren't you surprised by?" The soldier responded warily.

"The moment there's no longer a risk of running into anyone who outranks you, you stop wearing your dress blues."

"That's not true! I'll have you know I waited three hours after leaving the Arcturus Stream before I changed." Nikki protested, earning a chuckle and a shake of the head from Trish.

"Where are you now?" She asked curiously.

"Space." The instant reply was met with an eye roll.

"Which part?"

"The boring part."

"Mhmm. I'm assuming that means you're not in the Terminus or the Traverse, otherwise I'll have to question your sanity in calling it that."

"Hey, the Normandy's good, but even she can't cross the galaxy that quickly... I will be heading in roughly that direction soon though. Your uncle forwarded a job to me."

"The classified kind?"

"Is there any other kind?"

"Of course, just be careful."

"I'm always careful. You can relax though, it's just a simple retrieval mission."

"Eden Prime was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission." Trish reminded pointedly.

"Yeah but that involved prothean technology. Protheans always mess things up. I even got forwarded the technical manual and instructions for the thing I'm picking up this time so it should be fine."

"Should be?" Trish repeated her words while throwing her 'the Look'.

"Yeah, why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"Because the question I usually ask myself these days Nick is, if it was simple, then why are they sending you?" 

The soldier found herself chuckling at that.

"In fairness I think this time they want my ship more than me. The object in question isn't supposed to be out there. I tried telling them; 'build your own stealth ship', but they said 'we did, you're using it'. Anyway, I'll be in and out before anyone knows I'm there. Except Hackett of course." 

Nikki couldn't help noticing her wife didn't seem convinced.

...

Trish told herself it was probably a coincidence that an Alliance press conference was called a mere six hours after she received Nikki's brief text message: 

[5x5 told you I'd be fine. Mission was more than a success and the worst part of my day was still my appointment with the needle of eternal torment. Love you lots, talk later.]

After all there were multiple fleets worth of Alliance personnel, they had to be doing  _ something _ and statistically some of those things must be newsworthy. Not everything in the galaxy revolved around her idiot. 

Besides, Nikki's mission was supposed to be classified. You didn't hold press conferences about things that were classified.

Two hours later the data feeds she'd set up in an effort to keep track of her wife went haywire with rumours. 

She was halfway through reading the third link when her omni-tool rang. She picked it up instantly when she saw who was calling.

"Really Nick?" Despite her best intentions the frustration in Trish's voice bled through, causing the spectre's self preservation instinct to kick in as she responded with an immediate:

"It wasn't me!" 

There was a moment's hesitation as irritation gave way to confusion.

"What wasn't you?"

"Umm... Whatever it was you were about to accuse me of?"

"Ah, so it was a  _ different _ Spectre Shepard that took down Elanos Haliat. Finally allowing the vengeful ghosts of the victims of Elysium peace, after seven long years searching for justice." She quoted the news article she'd been reading. 

"Oh that! Yeah, well..." Nikki distractedly rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm not entirely convinced about the bit with the ghosts... And  _ technically _ the Alliance was searching for him for seven years, not me personally. In fact I wasn't looking for him at all. I just sort of stumbled on him accidentally like. I probably wouldn't even have recognised him if he wasn't waxing lyrical about the Blitz."

_ Especially given how preoccupied I was with the cave-in, and being trapped in a confined space with a nuclear warhead. Particularly when said nuke was on a countdown timer... _ Of course that bit remained unsaid. That part of the mission was still classified after all, and even if it hadn't been, there were some parts of her job that her wife simply didn't need to know about. She might be an idiot but she wasn't stupid.

"So... What was the other thing you were trying to hide from me when you called?" Trish queried.

"What thing?"

"The thing that wasn't you." 

It was easy to read the conflict in the commander's face as she debated whether or not to tell. A mischievous grin lighting up as she came to a decision.

"You promise not to tell anyone?" 

The civilian nodded. 

"Especially not your uncle. Or anyone else in the Alliance."

"I promise."

"Well... the Normandy may or may not have recently descended into a prank war."

"Isn't it supposed to be your job as CO to stop things like that? Not encourage or actively take part in it."

"No... It's not explicitly written in my job description that I must stop pranks. I read it twice, it doesn't mention acting like an adult either."

"Yeah, I think that's probably an oversight." Trish stated. "They probably assumed it wasn't necessary to clarify that point."

"Meh."

"So... anything good happen yet?"

"You know that N4 combat engineer Anderson assigned me to replace Tali?" The soldier asked.

"Vaguely, not personally."

"Well, he's been nicknamed Tals2 since he joined and someone replaced the emergency field rations in his suit with dextro paste tubes."

"You didn't? That could have been dangerous!"

"Hey, I never said it was me! Don't worry there's no way he could have ingested them by accident. Besides... Something tells me he'll get his revenge real soon." Shepard glanced briefly at the time on her omni-tool. "Like in the next five minutes or so."

"That's a rather specific prediction. Wh-" Trish was interrupted by a muffled scream from the Normandy side of the call followed by multiple voices shouting.

"Or it could be sooner!" The commander declared with a delighted smirk. "I should probably go check that out.  _ Apparently _ it's a CO's job to stop these sorts of things. I might have to take pictures first though... just in case I need evidence for disciplinary procedures or something. Talk later, love you, bye!"

...

"Hi Nick." Trish cheerfully answered the call from the Normandy comm room's ID without suspicion. It wasn't the first time her partner had used the ship's tech instead of her personal omni-tool to communicate. The military equipment was able to manage longer vid call distances without experiencing lag issues.

Her good mood evapourated and she was hit with a sledgehammer of fear as she realised it wasn't her idiot on the other side of the call. 

"Garrus, what happened? Is she alright? How bad-" The turian raised a talon to halt the quickfire questions and Trish paused for breath. The worry still clear in her eyes.

"Relax, she's fine." 

The human's eyes narrowed into a glare. She hated that word. Besides, if everything was fine then he wouldn't be calling her. 

"That is, I mean... She's ok physically, she's not injured or anything."

**_"But?"_**

Garrus was amazed at how one seemingly innocent word could be made to sound so dangerous.

"I don't know. Something about the last mission hit her pretty hard. Normally when we get back to the ship she does her rounds, goes and talks to everyone. She just ordered Joker to rendezvous with the Fifth fleet to offload our prisoner then head for the Citadel, before disappearing to her room. No one's seen her since. I just... I don't know. I think it might help if someone talked to her but she's the commander you know? I mean-"

"It's alright, I understand." It was Trish's turn to cut off the other's rambling. "I don't suppose you know what happened down there?"

"Sorry, I was outside providing sniper support in case of reinforcements. The others said something about it involving Akuze."

"Shit." The expletive dropped from her lips without thought. "I'll call her now. Thanks Garrus."

"No problem. Uh, could you maybe not mention the fact I told you."

...

"Hey babe." The voice that finally picked up on Trish's third attempt was apathetic and even without Garrus' warning she would have been able to tell something was wrong.

"Hey... Everything ok? It took you awhile to pick up."

In a way that was a blessing in disguise, it gave her an excuse to ask questions straight away rather than having to waste time making up a reason about why she called.

"No, I'm alright. Just didn't hear it ring, sorry."

"You sure? You don't sound alright." Trish was clearly skeptical.

"Honestly babe, I'm fine." Nikki lied a second time. "Do I need to send you a picture to prove it?"

"Last time you did that you photographed the wrong foot!"

It was a testament to how down Shepard was feeling that she didn't smile as her wife took the bait.

"I'd sprained my left, the photo was clearly a left foot, you can tell by the position of the toes."

"It was certainly  **_a_ ** left foot, it just wasn't  **_your_ ** foot! And it wasn't a sprain, it was a compound fracture."

"Pfft, mere details! I really don't know why you feel the need to drag that up again after all these years."

"Yeah, I'm nitpicking now. I don't even know why I thought about it." 

The banter between them was perfectly natural, expected even, but while the words were normal there was something about the tone of voice that was ever so slightly... off. It was hard to pinpoint or explain exactly, but Trish had years of experience navigating the subtle nuances of her partner's psyche.

There was a sigh before Trish spoke again.

"Nick, sweetie... you can tell me to sod off and mind my own business, or that it's classified or something, but please don't try telling me there's nothing bothering you right now. I'm not stupid."

"No, you're not." The silence stretched on into uncomfortable territory before Shepard admitted: "Tough day I guess."

"Tough day as in 'please distract me and help me forget' or 'tough day I really ought to talk to someone about but I don't want to burden you'?"

"I'm not convinced those are mutually exclusive you know."

"So the latter one then?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. So... what happened?" 

Again silence spread between them. Tense and uneasy. Trish gave her wife plenty of time to get her thoughts in order but it was evident the soldier had no intention of being the next one to speak.

"Nikki... I thought we had a deal? You don't have to talk to me but you do have to talk to someone, it's the same deal we've had for years..." She hesitated, she had the perfect opening, but without video she was pushing buttons blindly and if Garrus was right it could get pretty explosive. "Same deal since Akuze."

"Akuze... It always goes back to fucking Akuze." The soldier scoffed bitterly, but she sounded more tired than angry. It seemed most of the more volatile emotions had temporarily run their course. 

There was another pause before a quiet, broken voice offered: "That's the second time I've watched that man die."

"Which man?"

"Toombsey."

_ Her muscles ached as she 'made a tactical retreat' aka sprinted away from the giant monster, fully expecting a glob of acid to hit the back of her armour at any moment.  _

_ Taylor was dead. His last horrifying moments burned into her memory, she suspected, for the rest of her life. However short that was currently looking to be.  _

_ Badger had got separated from them soon after, and she could only hope he was still alive somewhere, out there in the turmoil. _

_ She threw herself into a large crater, nearly landing in the gruesome remains of Lieutenant Commander Trovsky, the wide eyed but still fighting Private Lambert sliding in behind her.  _

_ Thankfully she still had her rifle and she continued to set an example to her fellow marine, rising out of cover to fire a burst at the monster before dropping back to comparative safety when her weapon needed to cool down. Others in the platoon clearly had the same idea, the large crater hosting soldiers across 70% of its lip. _

_ Unfortunately such a large concentration of prey proved too tempting to the worm and it surfaced right in their midst. Sheer chance saving Shepard as it surfaced on the other side, multiple marines ensnared in its coils.  _

_ She wasn't hanging around to ID them all, but she recognised the Ace of spades Toombsey had painted on his helmet as he was dragged back down below. _

Nikki took a shaky breath, glancing round her cabin on the Normandy before strengthening her voice. "Corporal J.A Toombs, 108th Marine corps."

She didn't even know what the J stood for, despite knowing he drank cider and claimed to have an asari girlfriend.

He had two poker tells, but you couldn't trust the thumb swipe across the lips because he'd realised he did it and had started doing it on purpose to hide a bluff.

_ He looked so broken standing there, eyes on the floor along with his pistol, as Ashley cuffed the scientist.  _

_ Shepard should have seen it coming.  _

_ At the very least she should have made sure he didn't have any more weapons after he dropped his gun. _

_ "The vids say you were the only survivor of Akuze."  _

_ Too late she realised what he had in mind as he reached for the shotgun on the back of his armour.  _

_ "Who am I to argue?" _

_ " _ **_NO!_ ** _ " She raced towards him just in time to be splattered with his blood. Her momentum kept her going, belatedly forcing the weapon out of his lifeless hands as they crashed together to the floor. "No! You stupid bastard!" _

_ The day had already been trying enough. She'd been wrestling with long buried memories and new found questions ever since Hackett first hesitatingly brought the situation to her attention.  _

_ Now she lost her composure completely, grabbing her old comrade's corpse by the shoulders, lifting him up slightly before slamming him back into the ground with fury. It probably looked brutal but it wasn't like she could hurt him. _

_ "You fucking idiot! Why?" She knew why. She couldn't even find it in her to blame him, not really.  _

_ She let him go, closing her eyes as she struggled to control her breathing and calm her emotions. _

_ "Shepard? Commander?" Her squad cautiously inquired. It had to be pretty worrying for them too, she realised. Seeing her lose control like that. They must have thought she'd gone crazy.  _

_ Keeping her back to them, she stood up, face blank as she ordered: _

_ "See what you can find on those computer terminals, I want everything. And get a body bag over here from the Normandy, we're taking Toombs with us. He deserves a military funeral. Take that other bastard to the brig. We'll hand him over to Hackett but I don't want to ever see him again. I'm not sure I can stop myself killing him a second time." _

_ There were murmured acknowledgements and footsteps as they obeyed, but she paid them no heed. Attention still on the body in front of her.  _

_ "I'm sorry Toombsey." _

"I kinda lost it today." Nikki admitted to her wife. "Don't think my squad will be able to look at me the same way again. They must think I'm crazy."

"You might be surprised. They've got a lot of respect for you. I doubt even you could throw all that away in one day." Trish offered softly and Nikki chuckled, although there was no humour in the dark sound.

"I'm not so sure. You weren't there, I flipped pretty bad. Wouldn't be surprised if they're talking Chakwas into getting me a padded jacket right now."

"Maybe you should talk to Phil."

"Don't want to, I'd rather talk to you... Well... I'd rather not talk about it all." The soldier sighed despondently. "Do you know what he said?"

"Who?"

"The shrink. After Akuze. Every time we talk about it actually. He always says it isn't my fault. I mean sure, I know that, but then he said: 'sometimes bad things just happen and it's nobody's fault'. Except it fucking  **_was_ ** someone's fault Trish. The scientists lured us there deliberately and let us die. Why? All that death and pain. For what? For fucking science? To study what the maws would do? They're bloody giant acid spitting worms, what the hell did they think would happen?"

"I don't know Nick." Trish answered gently. 

The civilian wanted to weep, both at the pain in her partner's voice and the horrors she was revealing, but knew that right now it was up to her to be the strong one in the relationship.

"I mean, I get doing bad shit for the greater good. Or having to choose between two evils. Fuck knows I ain't no saint but... how does anyone justify something like that to themselves?"

"I don't know sweetie." How she longed to wrap the N7 up in her arms and hug her tight, soothe away the stress and heartache, but they were too far apart.

She wished she knew the magic words to make everything better, but knew no such thing existed.

"I think I want my distraction now." 

It was a request Trish was more than willing to fulfill.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, last chapter of ME1, if you've played the game (and I'm assuming you have if you're reading the fanfic) then you know what's coming. Spoiler and content warning: canon compliant character death ahead.
> 
> I'll start posting the next story in the saga covering ME2 in the New Year. Title as yet undecided. Hope you've all enjoyed so far, any title suggestions on general comments gratefully received.

" _ Owwwww! _ " 

Trish knew she shouldn't laugh at the pitiful noise her wife made. It wasn't nice to make fun of other people's pain and suffering. 

It was in fact mean, and something done by bullies.

It was something she'd make certain her future child knew was wrong and didn't partake in. 

It was also exceedingly difficult not to do right now.

Her lips twitched in amusement as she struggled not to outright grin at the sight of her partner curled up in a ball, the duvet cover Nikki was hiding under filling the background of the screen and making it impossible for Trish to tell if she was calling from the med bay or the captain's cabin. 

She was just glad the omni-tool was on the inside of the nest so she could at least see the soldier, she didn't feel like talking to a lump of bedding.

"You alright sweetie?" Trish managed to lace the question with genuine care and concern but she wasn't overly worried, already knowing what the cause of the discomfort had been. It was the reason they'd scheduled this call in the first place after all. 

She was answered by another groan and a shake of the head. Pouty lips and soulful eyes staring back at her through the vid screen. 

"I thought the egg retrieval was only supposed to cause mild cramping?"

"It  _ is _ just cramping, but it still hurts." Nick whined and Trish was unable to repress a snigger. "You meanie!"

"I'm sorry. It's just... This from the woman who spends every vid call from the med bay telling me she's fine even though she broke twelve bones, or lost a toe, or a third of her blood, or is being shipped back to Arcturus for further observation. Or, and this is my absolute favourite by the way, the doctors suspect she has a head injury because she's talking saner than usual." 

It certainly hadn't been funny at the time, but Shepard had pulled through all those past experiences relatively intact (apart from the toe), so Trish was able to joke about them now.

"That's different! Those are battle boo boos, I have to be ok or you won't let me go out and play no more... And I'm pretty sure you hid an insult in there somewhere."

"Sorry." Trish tried to look contrite and supportive instead of giggling at the term 'battle boo boo'.  _ Tried _ being the operative word. "Look on the bright side, no more daily needles."

"I was just getting used to them an' all." The commander grouched.

"If you miss them too much I can always start jabbing you with an empty needle for old times sake?"

"No thanks."

"So... How'd it go anyway?" Trish finally asked after a moment of watching Nikki wallow in deliberately exaggerated self pity. "Other than causing horrific cramping of course." 

Out of nowhere, a grin flashed across the spectre's face.

"We got enough eggs to make a biotiball team!"

"I'm slightly worried that  **_that's_ ** the sports team you chose for a comparison. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What? That's just the exact number of eggs we got. I mean, Chakwas says they might not all be viable, but we'll still have enough that I can skip the injection stage if we decide to let Junior have any siblings in the future. Why? What do you think I meant?"

"Oh nothing. I was just picturing you soaking your eggs in eezo in the hopes of giving our child super powers."

"Hey! You make it sound like I'm irresponsible."

"No, never! How could I  _ possibly _ accuse the commander of the prank ship Normandy of being irresponsible?"

"I can hear the sarcasm you know."

"Good." They shared a chuckle.

"So... I'm heading back to the citadel for a couple days. I doubt I'll still be there by the time you head over for that tech fair of yours, but if you want I can drop the kids off somewhere for you to pick up? Otherwise I've got no idea how long it'll be before I can make it back to Arcturus."

"Sounds like a plan. Well... the beginnings of the makings of one anyway. You're still up for vid calling me when I have the embryo transfer right?"

"Of course, nothing and no one in this galaxy can do or say anything to keep me away."

"Good, I'll hold you to that." Trish snuggled up on the couch as the conversation made its usual detour into random and bizarre territory.

...

"What's that?" 

Dr Chakwas suppressed a sigh at yet another question from the curious commander. Shepard had been lurking around the med bay like a mother hen all day. Understandable enough, Karin supposed, considering her eggs were being moved today, but still highly annoying when she was trying to prepare everything for transportation. 

She thought she'd already explained the function of every item required in the process, but apparently not. She followed the pointing arm to the freezer she'd just opened, gaze gliding over bags of blood and tubes of various test samples to land on a completely different type of tub.

"That's ice cream."

"Well yeah, I can see that, but what's it doing in your replacement parts freezer?" 

Chakwas gave a mental eye roll at the name before answering.

"Honestly Commander? I thought you'd put it there."

"What? Why would I do something like that?"

"It came with a note, apparently it was put there 'in case the baby Shepards got hungry'." 

Nikki snickered.

"Yeah that does sound like me. It wasn't though. I'd have got them something better than vanilla if it was me." 

Karin really did roll her eyes at that. She didn't bother replying however, instead focusing her attention on transferring the necessary vials from the freezer into the dry shipper that would be responsible for maintaining their temperature during the journey.

"You're sure that'll keep them frozen long enough right?" Shepard queried in concern.

"As long as you can make it from the docks to the clinic within eight days you should be fine." The doctor replied wearily, she'd already explained the specifications of the dry shipper and how it worked. 

**_Twice_ ** .

A smirk crept over the spectre's face.

"Eight days? That's plenty of time! I was going to go to the clinic first, but I could go visit all the tourist spots, take pictures with the kids, you know something to show them when they grow up and have arms and legs and stuff."

"I wouldn't advise any detours Commander. The temperature will remain steady for eight days but the case isn't bulletproof."

"Are you trying to imply something doc?"

"You know exactly what I'm implying. I have a duty of care to all my patients, even if they technically haven't been born or even fertilized yet."

"Alright, alright. Clinic first, council chambers second, then wherever the next mission they send us on is third. Might sneak lunch in there somewhere. Happy?"

"For now."

"I swear, you're worse than my wife!"

...

'Wherever the council sends us next' turned out to be the Omega Nebula. The Amada system to be precise. Nikki was a little surprised to be honest, considering how much the council had been against letting her play in the Terminus systems during the hunt for Saren.

Although, compared to how lawless the place was supposed to be, it was so far turning out to be rather quiet and boring. 

She knew the ground team were getting antsy after four days searching with no action and had them assemble with full kit in the cargo bay for a workout. 

As far as she was concerned full kit training was essential, she'd heard of people who could run a marathon in sub two hours but couldn't make an eight minute mile in armour. Ten laps around the hold would serve as warm up before they moved on to combat drills.

"Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Joker's voice suddenly blared across the ship's comm system and Shepard just had time to activate her mag boots before the ship lurched to the side.

"What the hell?" 

Organised chaos broke out as the alarm started sounding for general quarters, service personnel racing towards their battle stations. 

Shepard headed for her place in the CIC, safe in the knowledge that her squad would be ready to board or repel boarders if needed. 

It never came to that. 

The call to evacuate rang out before she even made it to her station. 

She changed direction with a curse. 

While it should have been her order to give, she trusted her crew enough to know that if an evacuation had been called it was the only option. 

The fact remained however, that she was CO of a prototype stealth frigate. She had clear orders of what to do if the ship was lost. They couldn't afford this technology getting into enemy hands.

"Shepard!" 

She'd just finished authorising the final self destruct timer when Liara appeared behind her. Panic was clear in the asari's eyes, along with a silent question asking what she was doing back here.

"Distress beacon is ready to launch." The commander lied easily, knowing the bridge crew would have already taken care of the distress call and each escape pod had its own homing beacon.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Liara asked breathlessly.

_ Statistically or optimistically? _ Nikki thought grimly. 

They were in the Terminus systems, the nearest official Alliance presence was likely days, possibly weeks away in the Traverse. 

Geographically speaking there was more chance of getting rescued by Aria, and the Queen of Omega didn't do anything for free. 

"They better. How's the evac looking?"

"Joker's still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate." 

_ Damn it Joker! _

"I'm not leaving you either."

_ Dammit Liara! _

"I need you to make sure the last of the crew make it onto the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker." She instructed as another fire broke out around them.

"Shepard?"

"That was an order T'Soni!"  _ This is why we don't normally let civilians on our ships isn't it? _

"Aye aye." The asari finally relented as the commander headed back towards the CIC. She had a pilot to manhandle and not much time to do it in.

...

Trish answered the door for her take-away delivery with a smile on her face, it morphed from genuine to polite as she caught sight of the two Alliance servicemen that were standing there in their dress blues. Neither of them appeared to be bearing noodles.

"Mrs Shepard?" 

She nodded automatically, it was hardly a difficult question to have to answer.

"I'm sorry, the commander's not home at the moment." She informed them. It wasn't the first time service personnel had turned up at her door, but normally it was only when either Nikki or Uncle Steve were in the house.

"I know, I... Mrs Shepard, I regret to inform you that your wife, Com-"

"No." Trish firmly cut the lieutenant off in the same tone of voice she used when the dog was misbehaving. Her smile instantly vanishing, face darkening as a sense of foreboding swept over her. "No, don't you  **_dare!_ ** "

"-Commander Nicola Shepard was killed in action when her ship..." 

Trish didn't hear the rest of his clearly rehearsed speech. She couldn't hear anything over the rush of blood in her ears. Couldn't breathe through the tightness in her chest as her heart exploded, shattering into a million tiny pieces.

"Ma'am?" 

She wasn't sure how long she'd stood there, gaze unseeing, before the soldier managed to break back through her awareness. In fact she wasn't sure how she was still standing at all. Not when she'd felt the whole world lurching beneath her feet. 

"Ma'am is there a friend or neighbour-" 

She waved a hand vaguely in the direction of Ben's house, not needing them to finish the question. She remembered the drill. It was the same as 18 years ago when her dad died and she'd overheard them notifying her mum.

She'd burst immediately into tears back then, grief hitting hard with the knowledge she'd never see him again, but the tears weren't flowing yet tonight. 

She was still in shock, brain desperately refusing to believe what the ears had heard.

If she cried then it would be real. 

A sign of acceptance of what had happened. 

But maybe, if she didn't... If she could stay strong...

Maybe they'd realise they'd made a mistake. 

Tell her it wasn't her Nikki. 

It was someone else in N7 armour who had been attached to the Normandy. 

Even her brain had to admit it wasn't very likely.

Suddenly Ben was there. Enveloping her in a tight hug that she was only dimly aware of through the all prevailing sense of numbness. He let the notification team know he'd got it from here but they weren't done yet.

"A Casualty Assistance Calls Officer will contact you-"

"I know." Her voice was cold and emotionless. As devoid of life as her wife's corpse. Wherever the hell that was. 

Ben led her back into the living room, sitting her down on the couch before hovering uncertainly in front of her.

"Trish, I..." He trailed off.

"This isn't happening, it can't be." She looked up at him pleadingly.

"I'm sorry Trish. She's gone." Silent tears rolled down his face as he failed to contain his own grief for his friend. 

_ Traitor! _ Trish's brain screamed as his crying sealed her wife's fate.

"Don't say that!"  _ How could he just give in? _ Nick had survived thresher maws and rogue spectres and all kinds of classified shit. She couldn't just be dead!

"I'm sorry Trish, I really am but-"

"No! Get out!" 

He tried to wrap her in another hug but she stood up, pushing him away. 

"Leave me alone!"

"I don't think that's a good idea Trish."

**"Go away!"** She screamed, thankful when he turned and left the room. The bastard didn't go far though. She could hear him in the kitchen filling up the kettle. As if a cup of tea or coffee could fix this.

She sunk to her knees on the floor, a low whine drawing her attention to Jude creeping cautiously towards her. The dog didn't know what was going on but she could feel the strong emotions flooding the room.

"Hey girl." Trish greeted her with a pat on the head as her vision blurred. "Nikki's not coming home." She broke down as her arms wrapped around the dog's neck, sobbing uncontrollably into her fur.

...

The funeral was a huge, fantastical display as humanity mourned their first spectre.

As Trish watched the six armoured N7s, all with their helmets tinted to protect their anonymity, carrying the empty coffin up to the dais, she couldn't help but feel like it was all a farce. She knew Anderson was one of the pallbearers and she wondered what was going through the man's head as he laid to rest his protege.

_ Except they weren't. _

That was just the first of the problems with the whole situation. 

She knew a lot of soldiers killed in action never made it home, but how was she supposed to move on and accept the situation without a body to say goodbye to? 

And, if her wife did have to remain one of the many unfound, why oh why did the body have to be lost on an ice world? Nikki had always hated cold temperatures. As far as Nick had been concerned, the only acceptable place for ice was in cubes in her drink. An active volcano would have made a far more suitable final resting place for the crazy Mindoirian.

Trish found herself smiling through her tears as she remembered a conversation with her then girlfriend about whether or not their future home planet would be too hot to live on _ : "I'd happily go swimming in the sun, but no-one's found a way to get me back out again yet." _

Nikki always came out with the most random things. No matter how annoyed or angry Trish thought she was with her partner at the start of a call, she'd always end up laughing at least once before they hung up. That sense of humour was just one of the many things she had loved about her wife.

It didn't look like any of the speakers at the service were going to mention that aspect of her personality though. In fact the person they described was nothing like her Nikki at all. 

The Shepard they described was some mythical being, overcoming adversity and beating insurmountable odds without ever having a moment of doubt. 

Oh sure, Trish knew her partner engaged in heroic actions on a regular basis, but she was so much more than the Alliance poster girl the brass were trying to paint.

Yes, she was the ultimate soldier, an N7, humanity's first spectre, but she was also a skilled mechanic, a talented cook, and an awful dancer. 

Her music tastes were best described as 'old' and her singing as 'enthusiastic', although it never failed to put a smile on Trish's face when the younger woman burst into song, no matter how atrociously.

Nikki had been fiercely protective of the people she cared about and stubborn to a fault. She could be harsh when her job required it, but put her in a room with children or animals and she was the kindest, gentlest person you could ever meet. 

She was predictable, in so many ways, and yet, even after all these years, Trish would still find herself surprised by the other woman.

She remained a semi-frequent contributor to a small handful of charities, making donations every year at Christmas and on her family's birthdays. 

She was a collector and painter of miniature models, a teetotaler with a fondness for alcohol free beer, (despite the hypocrisy of having spent years lambasting vegetarians who wanted to keep eating meat flavoured products). 

She often suffered nightmares and occasional doubts about her work, and in the rare instances when she fell apart Trish was there to pick up the pieces. 

THAT was her Nikki, and even that left so much unsaid.

It didn't even begin to cover the little eccentricities. The way she would drink the brine water when draining a can of tuna. Or ate the peel on satsumas and clementines. Or how her right index finger would rub her left eyebrow when she was nervous or embarrassed.

Before earning the coveted N7 stripe, her favourite hoody had been one that proudly claimed she was: 'cleverly disguised as an adult' and the locals back home had become used to seeing her take Jude for a morning jog in a shirt that declared: 'bomb disposal expert. If you see me running try and keep up'.

Then there was the time the stubborn woman had spent four hours on a crossword because she refused to be beaten and refused to cheat by looking the answer up on the extranet. 

Only to be so pissed off when she found out the puzzle makers had chosen an alternative spelling of the first word she'd thought of that she painstakingly copied the whole crossword onto paper so she could burn it with her omni-tool's new incinerate app without damaging her datapad.

Someone on the stage was talking about the commander's sense of righteousness. How Shepard hated and stood up against injustice. Trish knew all about that. 

It ranged from the big injustices like slavery and any kind of social discrimination, right down to the little injustices like being forced to choose just one dessert when eating out at a restaurant.  _ "It says three course meal. It doesn't state what those courses have to be. Why can't I just skip the starter and have two puddings?" _

Trish had to bite back a snort when the eulogiser tried convincing the masses that her idiot was the greatest military tactician in human history. 

In fairness Nikki wasn't stupid, despite the frequently used term of endearment. She'd had more than an above average IQ, she had just never been interested in what they were teaching at school. Not to mention, she was repeatedly guilty of oversights in judgement or lapses of common sense. 

Besides, as the soldier herself once said:  _ "everybody's an idiot when there's a bonafide genius in the room, and when I'm with you there's always a genius in the room." _

She  **_was_ ** pretty good at strategy though, Trish allowed. Family board games were always competitive with Nick normally coming out on top, but only when Uncle Steve wasn't playing.

And now they were talking about courage. 

Commander Shepard had had it in spades apparently. This could be seen in the way she never surrendered, always charging headlong into the fray. Nikki had courage too. Trish remembered seeing it when the soldier had finally given in and gone to the clinic to get help for the first time after Akuze.

Nick had been scared stiff, paranoid that if anyone discovered she was talking to a shrink she'd be labeled a headcase and it would end her career. The nerves had been tangible as they sat in the waiting room, making small talk even though it was obvious Shepard wanted nothing more than to run away. 

She'd glanced towards the exit when her name was called, but she'd squared her shoulders, taken a deep breath and walked inside. 

It was those little moments, when the fate of the galaxy wasn't in the balance and nobody's lives were riding on Shepard's shoulders. When it was just her and her own personal demons, and she still stood strong in the face of it all. That was the  **_real_ ** courageous moments as far as Trish was concerned.

When the service finally came to an end Trish would have liked nothing more than to get out of there as quickly as possible, but she was swamped with people offering their condolences. 

Fortunately Garrus noticed her discomfort and had the Normandy ground team close ranks around her, escorting her and Ben out to safety. 

They'd nearly made it when he halted, putting a supportive talon on her shoulder as the squad parted to reveal a tear stained Joker wheeling himself towards them. The wheelchair a necessity after breaking so many bones as a result of not being securely strapped down in the escape pod.

"I'm sorry Trish." He couldn't even look her in the eye, but the guilt and self loathing was evident in his voice. 

It was the first time she'd seen him since the wedding, but she'd heard what had happened on that fateful day. What Nikki had been doing when she died. Who she'd been trying to save and why.

It would be so easy to lash out at him, to make him suffer for what had happened, but she'd once seen and heard the same guilt ridden despair on her partner, and had fought long and hard to bring her back from it. 

No one deserved to walk that path. 

As Trish thought hard about what to say, she saw the Normandy crew closely watching on with interest, their faces split between pity and contempt for the pilot.

"Do you believe in parallel universes?" She finally asked and Joker looked up at her in surprise, clearly caught off guard by such a seemingly random question.

"The idea that there are an infinite alternate universes out there and every possible outcome to a situation happens somewhere?" He checked, and she nodded but continued before he could answer.

"There's universes out there where Nikki died years ago, on Mindoir or Akuze, or on a hundred different battlefields. There's ones out there where her gamble above Alchera paid off and you both survived. Others where it went worse and both of you died. But nowhere out there, not in the hundreds of thousands of alternate universes, is there a single universe where that scenario arose and she didn't at least  _ try _ to save you. It's simply not possible. It's who she was." 

Tears pricked at her eyes again, even though she'd been sure she'd run out, but she ignored them and kept going.

"And I used to hate it you know? The way she put everybody else's well-being above her own, even strangers. But I realised years ago, if she didn't do it then she wouldn't be her. She wouldn't be the woman I love. I know my Nikki and she wouldn't blame you for what happened Joker. She wouldn't hold a grudge and she certainly wouldn't want you to blame yourself either. And I know she'd want-" Her voice choked for a moment. "She'd want me to forgive you too."

There, she'd said it. 

He might not believe her, but it was true and he had needed to hear it. It wouldn't magically manage to fix anything, but it could be a powerful first step if he chose to take it. 

She watched as Joker nodded, a lump in his throat as he turned and wheeled himself away, the rest of the crowd dispersing with looks of quiet contemplation on their faces. 

Trish waited until they were all definitely out of hearing range before she quietly added to herself: "And maybe one day I'll be able to."


End file.
